[Pawprint]

Everything was set for the date with Snowfluff!

He sent a bird to guide her to the lake.  
He had the honey, thanks to the golden wolf who caught him sneaking from the Castle. 
He even had a babysitter for Beatrice, which was worth all punishment Leader would bury him in.

Buckshot skidded to a stop where he hoped Sara was waiting for him.  He was out of breath and some grass and bits stuck to his fur from landing in a pile of rubbish escaping Mercury, but he put on his handsome face.

What a goof.

He went to the lake where a fish trap was set by the shore.  He scooped up a fish and tossed it onto the ground to finish it.  He grabbed a couple berries from under some grass and surrounded the fish with them.  As for the honey...he was going to save that for later.  It was his ace to cheer her up and sweep her off her feet.  Anything to turn her frown upside down from the recent troubles in their family.  No-no.  This was just going to be him and her tonight.  Now he straightened himself up, brushing the junk off his fur, only succeeding in removing half off himself.  Oh well.

"Hiya Snowfluff.  Surprise!"

[Sekirei]

Sara had followed the bird, even though she hadn't wanted to. Ever since Akutan disappeared, she had been quiet. Part of her knew it was Akutan's own fault but a part of her knew that he never would've gone crazy without an outside force. Part of her wanted him to come back but a greater part thought it was better he stayed away. Merc wasn't known for forgiveness to her knowledge and Sara just figured Akutan would be held responsible for the whole thing, regardless of the fact that others had a paw in driving him to rock bottom. It didn't seem fair or right but her own paws were tied. The Clan would be expected to just sit there and let him sink.

One thing was for damn sure, Akutan was still patriarch. He lost his rank as head of the guards but his birthright as clan head remained. Merc, for her rightful leadership of this pack, couldn't take that away from him. Not only would such a thing be an insult to Firewing but her son, Byakko, as well. Sara was the oldest blood relative of her grandmother still around but she didn't consider herself matriarch. That was her daughter's destiny. Sara's had always been to follow others. She wasn't meant to lead.

This night, Sara's melancholy was getting to her. She and Akutan had never been apart from each other their whole lives. She was a shadow without a body. Buckshot was understanding but she felt like the worst mate ever. Things had been so hectic lately that she had neglected her own family. She wouldn't blame him if he decided to walk away. It was pretty apparent Akutan would always come first. She was more like her father than she realized. Silverstream had been first in his heart to the very end...and Raka had accepted it to the very end.

"Hiya Snowfluff.  Surprise!" came Bucky's voice. She gave him a small smile, her worries disappearing for a bit. "This looks great, Bucky. I needed this." she said, giving him a nuzzle.

[Pawprint]

A small smile was a good start. He suddenly wished he had more planned for her, but Buckshot was sure the night would end on a sweet note. But he knew it would be hard for her to stay positive at a time like this. He debated whether to let her get it off her chest first. Well, he wouldn't push her. That sounded like a bad idea.

Right now he swept his paw over the dinner he set up for her.

"For the lady of my life," he said in a fancy voice, "trout with a hint o' pink belly with lake bush berries. Wolf safe berries I must add, a-heh. Dessert is a surprise so the faster you eat, the faster to the surprise!"

He then saddled next to her, pressing his side against her. "Or, we could wait...maybe go for a walk, chase some sticks by moonlight, cuddle up. We got a good part of the night to ourseeeelves...well, for an hour at least. I sort of set a new babysitter and I'm not sure how long is too long for her."

So he didn't tell her about Mercury babysitting one of their kids. He wasn't sure how Sara would react, but she didn't have to now. Balancing dad and husband duties was hard.

(So short....)

[Sekirei]

Sara giggled in spite of herself as Bucky set about showing her what he had on the menu. She also wondered who he dropped the kids on and made a mental note to apologize later. She settled down to tuck in, feeling fuzzy as Bucky settled in next to her. As was usual with the wolves in her family, Sara started thinking. Ever since Akutan left, it seemed like the pack was able to really focus on the current goings-on that began after he did. It was probably good for everyone involved that he did run away. She wondered if she should talk about it with Bucky but she didn't want to drag the mood down. At the same time, she knew bottling it up was worse. It was the reason Akutan had left. He had been bottling things up since he was a pup and it had only been a matter of time before he exploded. Sara was no longer mad that he had turned his fangs on her. Unlike some people, she was able to look back on the situation and really see it for what it was. Her cousin had been mentally unwell, likely since birth, and he was never taught healthy ways of getting his frustration out. That and it seemed like he convinced himself that he couldn't say anything negative to Mercury's face. 

Speaking of which, Sara knew Merc wasn't going to interested in discussing him any time soon. Or ever. Which wasn't good because if her cousin ever got that low again and Mercury didn't bother learning his mannerisms and finding nonconfrontational ways of talking him down, the whole mess was just going to be repeated and end on a more permanent basis. If Mercury was interested in a peaceful resolution to the whole mess and maintaining said peace when Akutan came home, she didn't have any choice but to go to the one who knew him the best of anyone. 

This wasn't the Nardir she had grown up hearing about. Her father had spoken highly of it and the previous alphas, Merc and Alana's parents. Sighing, she looked over at Bucky as she brushed the bones of the fish aside. "Bucky...I don't want to put a damper on things but if I don't talk about Akutan, I'm just going to end up in his position. I'm concerned that when he comes home, Mercury's going to throw him under the mammoth and pin the whole thing on him. I just have this feeling she's not going to attempt to see things from his point of view. She'll hit him with everything and keep him broken. And hold what he did against the rest of us." she said. 

Looking up at the stars, the small white she-wolf pulled the berries over and popped a couple in her mouth as she stewed over her fears and concerns. She was a shadow without a body and the only ones keeping her grounded where her mate and kids. But how long could she function this way before it got to her? There was no way around the fact the cousins had never been apart this long. She had been trailing after him since Day 1. She didn't know any other way to live. It hadn't been a problem when she and Bucky got together because Akutan was still there. She also relied on Bucky in ways she couldn't with Akutan. She didn't know where to start learning to be without him. For the time being, she did have plenty to keep her distracted so she was doing fine but it was at night when she was trying to go to sleep when it all started circling through her head again.

Sara sighed again and came to accept a fundamental truth. Ever since she left the den and became his shadow, Sara had placed Akutan on a pedestal. That pedestal had been shattered and the repercussions were being felt by anyone with connections to him. Kyra hadn't spoken to any of the clan since he ran away from home and seemed to be taking solace with Alexander. It was disheartening to Sara's gentle soul, even if she thought it was probably better for Kyra to be with him. Akutan was too damaged and ill-equipped to handle her. There was no way for Sara to ignore that. The root of the matter lay in the fact that Kyra was going to have his pups soon and those pups were going to learn or figure out the truth of it all, leaving them in a quandary of their own. If Lex and Kyra became a thing, who would those pups acknowledge as their father? 

Having hit her low point, Sara just leaned against Bucky and silently let the tears flow. She was normally upbeat and believed everything would work out in the end. However, recent events made it difficult to navigate the darkness that had settled over her soul. She didn't see how the rifts were going to be mended or how the pack was going to move on from it.. Part of her wished Alana were still there leading them. Things might have gone a whole lot differently if she had. As it were, the X Clan was fracturing at an alarming rate, their patriarch was AWOL, their backbone had left the mortal coil, and their Heart was shredded. "I know I'm a sad excuse of a mother and mate but I think the truth of the matter is I'm more like my father than I thought. He told Mom as they were dying that Silverstream had always come first in his heart. Mom accepted it graciously and I guess it's because it was probably true for her as well. They both had previous mates who had remained with them very strongly. Dad...always spoke of how beautiful Silverstream was inside and out. I can't say I'm surprised that he kept holding on her." she said as she attempted to control the heartbreak.

"Akutan is always going to come first. I was born to be his shadow. I don't...I don't know how to live any other way. I don't know if I can. What kind of example am I setting for our pups aside from stubborn, possibly misplaced loyalty? I want him to come home but at the same time, it's probably better that he's gone. I don't know what's right for everyone involved. I don't know what's going to happen." she said. 

It was plain as day that Sara had been falling apart inside in a way only a shadow could. She was the runt of the litter so naturally, she attached herself to those who were stronger than she was. It was the only reason she managed to stay alive both as a runt and as a rather extreme pacifist. If she were out there instead of her cousin, she never would've survived. She felt a sudden chill she had only felt on two other occasions: when the pups were born and when her parents were dying. Her fur spiked as she looked around, trying to see if someone was there. She couldn't shake the feeling she was being watched closely. She pressed into Buckshot, hoping this creeped out feeling would leave sooner rather than later. "Is it him?" she thought. She sure hoped not. The last thing she needed at the moment was the Reaper creeping around watching her. She wasn't dead or dying yet.