[Toya]

@Gothy

#7f3a3a

Sunlight bleed what shallow light it could into a quiet den, within the hellion stirred awake. Eyelids fluttering open at the sharp cawing of a crow outside and he blinked in slow confusion as his formless world began to take on shapes.

It was always just before he was awake he'd see a flash of her. The slightest hint that she existed at all (was he the only one who mourned her?). Mouth moved, and he was sure he spoke, but didn't hear his own voice. He looked to that shifting form of white and blue, it shuddered under his unfocused gaze like a heat mirage and when he finally did attempt to look more closely it was gone. Feeling alone with you, without you, with you... with..out.

Head turned, more like mess of tarry black hair, glanced around the large space, empty. It was always empty by the time he woke up.Why would Toya even be surprised at this point? Gingerly standing up as he made his way toward the entrance of the den, sleep still clinging to his body like a warm blanket. The winter air rested upon their door step, chilly, he wouldn't be out for long today.

But as he moves to finally greet the sun outside he's met with something rather surprising, the lanky hellion pauses, usually nondescript face is now washed over with bewilderment. "Uh, hey, dad." He greets casually, but there's a shakiness in his voice that is certainly unmistakable. His fur prickling and his mouth running dry as his mind seems to be working on its last brain cell, not anticipating this run in. "It's, uh, a little early for you to be back home right? You okay?" These were words that he'd overheard a few strangers use in passing conversation as he sat, listened, and watched from afar.

Of the two of them, it just had to be Kol, right? Large ears pulled back as he moved to the side to make room for if his father wanted to slip by him. All he could think of was his dead face underwater, the last bit of air escaping his lungs and collapse under the pressure of seawater filling them instead. He was dead, but no, no he wasn't. The wind tussled the young hellion's hair and that eye was now exposed. All three blind pupils  seemingly fixated on the same thing, an odd coincidence. One of Toya's front legs shook out of second nature, cover it! COVER IT! But his limbs were paralyzed for the moment, staring blankly at the doctor's face.

[Kol Nidre]

The reek of dark earth and mold trapped inside rotten gnarls of wood greeted him as he slowly opened his eyes. A weight pushed against his chest, a knot formed deep within that he could not unfurl even if he tried. It was a heaviness that brought his attention to the darkness that ever so slowly brightened as the morning swelled against the horizon. A numb tongue slid over a dry nose. The fear started to trickle down his backside, the senses he had tried to dull were tingling back into reality.

He'll come... won't he?

Without hesitation, Kol Nidre rolled to his feet, the quick movement forcing his equilibrium to spin out of control if only for a few seconds. He swallowed, teeth clenching to ease down the nausea. Only when he regained his senses did he start to walk. No poppy stealing today, alright? Even if he were to conjure forth hysteria, Kol couldn't rightly take from stocks that weren't his. He tried to help restock, but sometimes he felt too tired. He felt too tired now.

Light was the next best, there were no shadows to lurk from. And as he stepped out of the hovel and out into the world, muscles relaxed from tender bones.

The old King didn't know where he would go, his paws just started walking in any which direction, leading him to an unknown pathway throughout the territory. Where he would end up, Kol did not know. Just anywhere with light. The thought was a growing obsession, being repeated over and over and over, hoping the droning of his own voice would drown the whispers that would soon to come.

Anywhere with light.
Anywhere with light.
Anywhere with light.
Anywhere with light.
Anywhere with light.
Anywhere with light.
Anywhere with light.
Anywhere with light.
Anywhere with light.
Anywhere with light.
Anywhere with—

Without realizing, the man stopped in his tracks as his subconscious pulled him elsewhere. A voice, a familiar one at that, called to him. Head turned slowly — golden eyes dead in their sockets — stared at the son he could barely comprehend. "Light." he said, finishing his thought aloud. Jaw hung slack at the conclusion of his word, tempting saliva to pool against his chin. He stood silent, not noticing he was staring at his son. His mind was blank, drawing nothing until...

Those ghostly eyes stared at him. Pale champagne became as molten as the sun. Kol Nidre now realized who was in his presence. Oh my... Unfortunate you had to witness my..

"Toya." he breathed, clicking his jaw shut and smiling. Color shifted in him. Kol was brighter looking now in the glow of the morning sun than he had just a few moments ago. He looked... Alive. "Oh, I'm just fine." A lie. "Just taking a walk to stretch that injury. Would you like to join me?"

After all, you are my light.

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[Toya]

#7f3a3a

Toya stared unflinching at those dead eyes, alive eyes? De..ad. The doctor said something, but it went unregistered by Toya. His father's jaw slack, agape. What was that? The ebbing sound of waves crashing to shore echoed from his father's open maw. The drool only being seen as seawater, as what appeared to be a crab crawled from the back of his throat.  BUT. HE. COULDN'T. STOP. STARING. The roar of the tide so clear, even though they were a long distance from the beach. What, what is-

It's only when Kol Nidre speaks again that Toya is ripped back into this reality much like his father (unbeknownst to either of them). His father is smiling and full of life, there's no ocean, no barnacle crusted tongue, or crab skittering from out his mouth. It's just them and they're fine. Another one of those things.

He blinked at the normalcy of it all, how his father seemed unperturbed, but he could've sworn that the other was looking rather? Strange. It all felt like a fuzzy memory, a quick flash and he didn't want to believe that it happened. "You're fine?" Toya asked more so at himself rather than Kol, the gold of the doctor's eyes was bright even in this light. "Uh, yeah, we can go for a walk." No,no,no, too soon, too soon. His legs moved forward and he snaked his way past his father turning to glance back blankly.

In my own time, I'm trying to reach out I know I'll get there soon. But would he ever, his fried brain was still picking up the pieces from that bout, what was going on? It's not real, it's not real. He couldn't blink without see the slightest hints of it. Before he knew it they were walking and he didn't know what to say, so the silence between them lasted longer than usual. He wasn't good at this, he had never been good at this. The words were right there and before he knew it, "How did it feel when you... uh, you know.... passed away?" He turned slightly though his face held no readable expression, his insides were already in knots. "Briefly, cause... cause you.. like came back." There's a hole in the earth here and we're walking around the edges.

[Kol Nidre]

The white noise softened into a low drumming of static, something Kol Nidre was unaware of. The boy though — he knew. A glimpse of the ancient ghost — of a curse set upon the tired old King. The tired old fool. Molten gold followed the slender pale body as Toya stepped to lead the way. The way into light. "Yes... yes, I'm fine." he uttered before forcing his limbs to move forward. One in front of the other in rhythm.

Warmth embraced both as they strode toward an unknown destination. Muscle pulled taught over a scar across his shoulder, joints ground against one another causing painful friction. Nerves were set on fire, but Kol had endured this for some time now, able to relax his features and  breathe through the pain. That isn't what bothered him. It was the dark entity that followed along the shadows. Watching and listening to father and son.

The warmth was welcoming at least, a relief to some degree in which he didn't have to face the darkness. Cold swept through him though as his son inquired about his death, feeling the freezing salt against his skin. The smell of brine, the rough leather of a creature who swept him further under. The sound of water in lungs, that god awful sound of drowning. A strong breeze from the high tide swept through the valley, hitting both of them. Causing the trees to shiver under its weight, creaking and cracking. The sound of a twig snapping deep in the bowls of the forest caused Kol to stop. Those bright golden eyes that seemed so alive just a few moments ago started to dull again.

The static grew stronger, a buzzing in his ears akin to a bumble bee stupidly bobbing against one's head by mistake. Those powerful wings beating the air so fast it was a blur. Just like hitting the hard surface of the water, he could hear nothing but the slosh of foam and the rushing of his heart beating faster and faster. "Painful." he finally muttered, letting the wind settle into an eerie silence. "Cold and lonely." The black caves in which he resided as he recovered from his injuries were so dark and damp and cold. He had never felt a coldness like that. It seeped deep down into his skin, his muscle, his bones — his soul. And what lurked there... God save him.

Death followed him. A creature foul in scent, hard to listen to with sea water trapped in his throat and barnacles clinging to a swollen tongue. Of creatures wriggling from loose flesh. Was that the part of him that died? The sludge he carried all his years in Saboro? Was that the Sabor? Kol Nidre was nothing but a shell living out hard days, surviving thinly on opium. "I don't remember dying. Or when I came back."

It was washed away into the depths.

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[Toya]

#7f3a3a

The wind swept their fur in one go and Toya nearly regretted that question he had teetered around what felt like forever. Black strands of hair dancing in the breeze, head tilting to hide his eye, forever mindful. When Kol stopped so too did his son, glancing at him blankly and then looking ahead.

It was a sickening thought, one that he never talked about to his parents, they would've never understood, they would have been worried. There were many nights however when Toy would think about how it felt to be crushed under the rolling waves, the salt water stinging his eyes, and watching the last bit of light be extinguished by the darkness of the sea. Water filling his lungs and he'd give up, close his eyes and he'd see someone right before. He always thought it was her, but now he wasn't so sure. Each scenario was different, down to each minuscule little detail, but they always ended the same.

It wasn't the same sound that his father heard (static, that is), but a low hum and then silence. The tired king spoke and his son kept his sights on the horizon in an almost trance like stare. Painful, but life was always painful. He could feel something pulling him under, welcoming him into the dark below. It's to be a cold, dark, and very gentle place. Toya welcomed that feeling all the same.

He didn't really know what he expected, Kol had always been a bit, off since coming back (if you could even really call it that). "The ocean spit you back up." He said, not very tactfully either. "It ate you, but then it spit you back up." Almost like it choked, the rocks Kol's body was beat against were like the teeth. "Pretty, uh, lucky. Washing back up anyway." Glancing back at his father, he froze, a pale body fuzzy and out of focus in the background stared back, and when he blinked it was was gone again. "Dad?" Toya croaked, a wave of unreadable uneasiness washed over him. "Do you think someone was watching over you? Someone you couldn't see? And they, uh, they saved you? They pulled you to shore?" His mind felt like it was melting, but the question formed easy enough.

[N͕̦̣̦̣͎̕I̱͓͕̳D̫̮͘R͖̠̱̮̠E̟]

He watched ever so closely, the decay of earth and root far stronger than his own stench. He watched as the man slept, unfulfilling dreams wandering in that deteriorating brain of his, legs twitching at the slightest indication of discomfort. He smiled, exposing cracked teeth as foam bubbled between them. Before he could croak out a word, however, there was movement. Kol could sense him, that clever bastard.

Oh, but don't worry, sweet darling. I'm right behind you.

The static of thoughts wandering from the man was almost delightful as the shadow stalked close behind, hiding in the drawn silhouette of Kol etched in by the sun. The droning utterance of light by the man was growing old. He could lift his head from the shape on the ground moving along, send brittle teeth into warm, fleshy hide. Oh how delicious they all screamed! They all clacked! Small mouths chattering on a tongue. HOW DELICIOUS, HOW DELICIOUS, GIVE ME FLESH!!!

No no no no no no no
no
no
no
not yet
not
yet

not

yet...

Patience was the game to play, and he slunk between the cast shape and into the forest as another body appeared. One close, one with possible SIGHT. Patience was the game to play, they had done waiting for CENTURIES. Why not a few more moments? A FEW MORE MOMENTS.

He followed, stalked and watched them from a distance. A growing shadow, a darkening figure walking parallel until the boy spoke of things he shouldn't know. Ah yes, that shell further weakened, hadn't it? You let him grow strong with liveliness and NOW YOU RIPPED IT FROM HIM. The wind picked up, the cold giving him strength to walk a little closer. Just a little closer to the edge. Just....

a little...

CLOSER.

Those eyes of three, of sight and heavy gaze stared upon a figure in the dark, but only for a second. A second was enough to mask the grotesqueness of this deformed figure. A figure of rot and death.

"??¿ᶵḯԁᶊ" he gasped, inhaling water and saliva. The barnacles laughed with him and the crab was sucked back down his gullet. The gargling was a vague attempt of a laugh. "!ᵻῦө Ӎɨɥ ꓕⱡꙏꓢ Ϯоή ᴰᶦᶁ ϶нЅ" No no no, far from that, my dear boy. Your father was BAD.

"...ᶃᶯᵢᴴḉᴛᶐᴡ ᶊᵠᴬᴪᶘḁ ᴟ'ᶦ ꞱꞃꞚ"

[Kol Nidre]

He could feel the coldness of the ocean wash over him once more. Kol Nidre could sense that creature of brine behind him, the stench starting to waft through despite the shadow being downwind. It didn't matter, he thought. It would be forever ingrained in his senses. The light, it did nothing to shield him from this curse. From this form of his past. (It wasn't though, we know this.) He could feel the panic rise in his chest, spreading through his shoulders and legs, through his belly and throat. Empty stomach twisting, threatening him with bile. Kol swallowed, trying to keep himself stable.

Breathe.

"No." he began as the creature in the distance babbled a wet laugh. "No, it didn't spit me back up or wash me ashore. I swam." Kol Nidre heard the drift wood Akki had planted in the water. The white ghost was clever, knowing there had to be a place where the current ran against the rocks. Not until low tide sucked the piece under and through the small cave.

The clapping of wood against stone scared him, of course it scared him. It took him a long while to figure out what the noise was. Without light, his senses had morphed into sharpness. Having been blind for weeks or even months, his body learned to listen, to smell and to feel everything around him. Fish tasted all the more sweeter.

The whispers all the more louder.

Eyes picked up from the ground as Toya called to him, a word he hadn't heard in quite some time. It eased the anxiety and the panic withdrew. Kol was blank for some time, not until he realized the golden rays of the sun warmed his belly and legs, steadying him from the cold. He smiled weakly, eyes sagging against his cheeks. It made him look old. "I don't think so, Toya." The old King stepped forward, closer to the boy, trying to sense anything other than the monster stalking them. The faint fragrance of purified water, of rain and damp moss. A relaxing calm as a storm rolled through. "Nothing good, at least."

Nothing good at all.

But talking of macabre and ghosts was far from what he expected this morning. He'd continue then past Toya, glancing back a moment as if expecting the boy to follow. "Come, you must be hungry." he offered, then continued on. "And my throat is dry."

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[Toya]

#7f3a3a

He heard, oh he heard it, but not like him, his dear tired father. No, instead it was like bubbling water one moment, deep breaths escaping the lungs and rising in the deep dark, and then the next it was like skittering claws against stone. Unnatural, not right. Not right, but still he heard it speak in strange tongues. In a language that didn't make sense, because these things never made sense. But it was normal, like dealing with something that happened all the time, always so afraid of making someone worry, so he normalized these sightings. These odd sort of things, that were normal, but also were not.

Chattering teeth, the same nail sound as the wind pulled on his fur, moving black strands to uncover the eye. Three pupils, blind, but forever searching staring as blank as the young man's face. When he closed his eyes to blink, he'd see the after image of a waterlogged corpse, drenched and bloated, he could nearly smell the brine that coated the body and then... His father spoke and Toya's eyes flashed open in an instant. The truth all comes out. "Oh, I.. uh, sorry." Sorry for that part, the part I got wrong.

Kol's mind seemed sharper than it had been, surprising Toya even further (not visibly of course, besides the slight perk up at his name). Amber eye would nearly burn a hole through the tired old King with how intently the young hellion started. The boy's ear twitched at the sound of skittering nails (speaking). Claws, claws, claws. Speaking in claws, with claws. Mind numbing tapping, and then nothing. "A frie- someone told me that, uh, we change if we come back from the... you know." Like saying dead was taboo.

"Uh." Mind flashed to the image of cold dead eyes, sloshing salt water, the crab crawling from out of the corpse's throat, a mouth lined with barnacles that looked more and more like eyes. All blinking and panicked, rapid movements and then hard stares. "Yeah. Yeah dad, food sounds good." Toya's response vacant at best, but what was new? Moving forward to walk by the old male's side once more. It wasn't just age that made him seem more worn down than usual, it was something else, Toya had long since noted. "If you want to change the subject, you can. I know it bothers you to talk about it, this stuff." He offered simply, only because he assumed it did.

[Kol Nidre]

Kol glanced to Toya as he told someone (a friend, he corrected himself to hide it — children were always so mysterious to their parents, Kol could see that now) had a suspicion of death, that when one returns, they change. Yes, that much was true. The old King had changed, in fact for the worst. The world felt strange, as if he was wandering on some parallel existence but kept one foot in reality. A horrid dream that never ended. It broke him, it broke his relationships and it broke logic.

Always a foolish boy you were, Kol Nidre. Isn't that why Coven tore you apart?

You were weak.

"Yes... I suppose so. Do.. you think I've changed?" he asked curiously, even if he knew the answer already. It was obvious, after all. Toya could hide it, could try to word himself around it, but Kol knew the answer.

Yes.

Toya could almost feel the uneasiness in the air, suggesting that they may change the subject if Kol was at all feeling uncomfortable. It did, but there was tension to be released. Keeping it all inside rotted his sense of being. He was going insane, the drugs didn't help. It soothed his aches only to jumble his mind. It reminded him of long nights in his den, alone and cold with poison seeped into his veins. It was happening again. Lev Malakh tried to be there for him, she always was. Maybe Akki too, but Kol was almost too far gone to notice or tried to hide his consciousness until they left him.

He didn't escape Toya this time.

"I... No, it is fine. Curiosity is not a bad thing, Toya. I'm sure you're not the only one with questions about what happened. I just.. I worry, what people may think." People were unpredictable, after all. Old abuse caught up and he was scared the pitchforks may come. It was best to drown in opium and strange dreams. At least then, no one could really see him for what he really was.

Or see him.

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[Toya]

#7f3a3a

Little to young male's knowledge, his father had met death on numerous occasions. Toya blinked back at the old King, considering his words to make a well placed answer. "Maybe? Maybe a little, but uhm, I don't think it's bad?" His amber gaze falling back to blurry figure behind them, a flash of forms, a pooling of blood on a field. Severed limbs scattered about, a decapitated head rolled to the ground with ghost like eyes that were wide and searching. The mouth open and dark water spilled from it, speaking in claws, speaking in claws, speaking speaking.

Perhaps it was bad. Those there blind pupils trailing something no one else should be able to see, a blink of both eyes and it was gone once more. These things had become so common place that it was hard to feel like it was anything, but his head messing with him. You're fine, you're fine, you're fine. It's what he told himself, in the morning when she hovered in the corner, or at night when he heard the claws. Speaking, speaking, speaking.

"About...you?" Toya's attentions were drawn back to the man's tired face. "What are they supposed to think?" Came the white hellion's mumbled words, his blank face and stare boring into Kol Nidre. "I don't know why they'd think anything bad." It wasn't like you meant for it to happen, the unspoken words, stacked with his own weird feelings on the matter of death. Mind drifting to the thoughts of the crushing ocean tide.

He knew both of his fathers as good men, doing their best to ensure the safety of the pack and their kids, all the stuff that rings true to good and noble. "You shouldn't worry about that, there's uh, probably more important stuff to worry about." Toya's calm voice washed over the quiet field as they met the treeline. Ears twitching to the sound of claws once more and he narrowed his eyes to wince as if to listen to it more clearly. "Like how sometimes we're being followed." He mumbled casually, eyes glancing back to the field to see that same figure, but this time he didn't blink.

[N͕̦̣̦̣͎̕I̱͓͕̳D̫̮͘R͖̠̱̮̠E̟]

[CW: Suicide Reference]

---

The dark figure kept stalking the two, slowly and effortlessly. Jaw snapped a few times, keeping the clacking barnacles quiet as he watched and listened to father and son. Faded watery eyes observed as they rolled and twitched in crusted sockets. Thick leathery straps of neck bulged, water splashing against dark feet as he wound through the thick brush and trees in order to keep up with father and son.

Two white eyes would meet occasionally, though it seemed that cursed third eye tracked his every movements. Gold would sometimes catch glimpses, but the ghost would stammer behind a thick tree, causing the boy to sense him.

If only a little.

Yes yes yes yes, you can see me, boy

BUT ONLY WHEN I WANT YOU TO.

For he was the ghost attached to the poor little ol' King, not his son and certainly not the man in white. No one believed except the King himself, endlessly tormented by the grotesque image of himself the old spirit had morphed into. The blackness inside his heart, that's what he was.

The pain. The Sorrow. The regret. THE UNENDING URGE TO K̷̨͓̭͇̓͞I̸̢͓҇̇̑L̸̫̉̍͜͞L̴̨̜̩̎͆͠ H̵̢͖҇̆I̷̡͙̣̊̍̕M҈̦̣͎̑͌̚͢͠S̶̢̳̑͝E҉̢̝̦̬̀̎̕L̸̢̛̳̠͍͋̓͊F̸̨̘͆͆̕

It cackled, sloshing the water in filled lungs.

SO HE COULD SEE! He could see, he could see, he could SEE THE SHADOW. Admitted to the King even!

OH my boy, be careful what you wish for.

you could be next

[Kol Nidre]

He was right, Toya had skirted around with careful words to answer Kol's question. The boy was sweet, making his father smile warmly at the notion that someone didn't think he was out of his mind. It was hard seeing his children all grown up now, doing their own things and even his grandchildren were off being adults. He had missed so much. Kol even blamed himself for Karasu's disappearance as well as Zeke's. The thought faltered his smile and posture. Heart clenched hard in his chest as he tried to catch his breath, the breeze easing his efforts.

"Well... I just, haven't been myself is all. he commented, turning his face into the wind. He couldn't remember the way to the pool of water he so desperately yearned for. He could feel his throat itch in irritation and a sticky tongue sliding around a dry mouth. "I just feel... guilty is all." A silly way to feel, why feel guilty about almost dying? Perhaps it was because Kol had wanted to actually die as some point, but didn't have the courage. Now that he had experienced near death, the idea was stupid.

Yet he was conflicted. His life had been so good before, now it was wasting away.

Toya was right though, there was far greater things to be worried about. "Yes, you're right. I shouldn't dwell on the past." he admitted, though that was easier said than done. The past was riddled with regret and hard times. Of broken hearts and amends. Of happiness and dreadful circumstance. Of blood and fire.

And yet what really made Kol Nidre's blood curdle was that damn spirit following him all the time. And as Toya glanced back, mumbling about something following, the old King paused in his tracks. Eyes bulged as he slowly turned his head to the forest, seeing the wisp of black float behind foliage. Could Toya see him? The thing that haunted the very depths of his soul? "You... can see ... it?" he asked, heart racing against his ribs.

Oh please say it isn't so, don't haunt my son. Torment me all you want, but not my son.

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