Private Roleplay  being lonely fits me
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Naerileen she/her
Almost Sparkles
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#1

Naerileen was a tired woman. She had been for a long time.

She still remembered the day following her trials, waking up in a cold sweat and facing the scornful eyes of her parents not but a few moments later. They had told her that it was time for a change, time for her to become a proper Riverine and leave behind her childhood and friends to embrace the "destiny" they had planned for her. Like a fool, she had trusted them so blindly. She had played their games, became a daughter that they could despise just a little bit less, all at her expense. She had once been afraid of snakes, fearful of their cold eyes and their delicate but sharpened fangs. But snakes had been her only companions under her parents' grueling regime, a goal to chase. She wanted to be like them, told she was meant to be like them. She believed it and a snake she had become. For years, she was their puppet, obeying their whims without complaint.

But then Cassandra came into her life. A young spitfire determined to change the world even if violence was demanded; she certainly changed Naeri's world. For all her pushing, desperate to remain alone, Cass had been determined to get closer and closer until Naerileen relented. For that, she had been thankful. But things had to stay secret. She couldn't let her parents know that she was consorting with a non-Aviari, a rebellious one at that. The punishment would certainly be a harsh one at that. Especially since her mother had been distracted by the newly-born Lorcan and her father had full reign over her life. Cassandra had been her only escape, even if their relationship had its downs.

Then, whispers of rebellion roamed the streets. Cassandra had confessed to her that she was one of them: a rebel determined to change El Dorado for what they believed was good. Determined to overthrow the Aviari that ruled them. She told Naeri that she wanted to fight for their future, to guarantee them a future for her and Naeri, alongside Cass's newborn child. Such a child was one that had brought on a horrid fight between them, provoked by venomous words and fueled by growing stress. The betrayal had been one that she had forgiven, as much as it hurt her heart. And so they had continued, Naeri convincing herself that their relationship was just having a rough patch, especially from the war and the stress that was brought on by the outbreak of violence.

She had stayed mostly neutral, too preoccupied with the growing terror she felt for her younger brother. She couldn't let him face what she did. He was so young, so carefree, so simple. She didn't want her parents to ruin that. Not to mention, her growing hatred for them had reached a peak. She couldn't let them hurt him. She couldn't. So, one night, their deaths had shaken the Riverines. "Poison," they whispered, nobody looking toward the dutiful, grieving young daughter, clinging desperately to her innocent younger brother. Cassandra had accused her, shouting about how they didn't aim to kill people. Naerileen had denied her accusations with a sharp tongue, shouting and sobbing and regretting every word she uttered.

And then the fighting reached a peak it had not quite touched before, violence reaching to the peaks of the pyramids. And, amidst her bloodlust, Cassandra made a mistake. With one push and a desperate grab, her fate was sealed. From the pyramid she had fallen, head hitting too hard on the ground as her blood mixed with that of her enemy. And Naeri had been there to watch, having come to talk her partner away from the violence and apologize for all the words she said. Too late. She had been too late. And she was the one to see the blood soak her lover's alluring red and white fur, staining the golds and oranges that speckled her pelt. The one to sob as she stood over two bodies, one beginning to chill. The one to drag her lover's killer away, driven by some horrible pity and newfound mercy.

He was only trying to survive. Cassandra had been the provoker. It's not his fault, she told herself to keep from feeding him the same poison that had stolen her parents' lives. This time, it would have been her taking the life, her direct responsibility. But she hadn't. She had done her job and healed, not destroyed. Then, with cold eyes dulled by grief and exhaustion, she had left.

She had thrown herself into the turmoil of the world around her, desperate to ignore the ache of her heart and avoid the grief that she knew would tear her apart. For a while, she had. But now, things were slowing down. Lorcan didn't need her anymore. There were no patients to tend to. Plum was being cared for by Padme. She had nothing to do but face her sorrow. Face the truth. Cassandra was dead. She was gone. She wouldn't see her warm amber eyes or hear her whispered words of adoration. She was dead. She wasn't coming back. She was alone again, the flame that lit up her life snuffed out in a matter of seconds. But flames burn, and I got too close.

Sitting alone in the darkness of her room, Naerileen pawed at her face gently, rubbing her reddened eyes and wiping the tears from her fur. She had work to do today, she wasn't allowed to sit alone and wallow. She could do that later, when she was done, when no one could see her and she was alone with the snakes. She looked toward her jewelry; gold bangles, and amethyst earrings and whatever else she had received from Lorcan. But the amethyst adornments was from Cassandra. I should get rid of them. My eyes aren't as pretty as these. Still, almost against her will, she put them in. Then she rubbed once again at her eyes, desperate to remove any hint that she had been crying and trying to rid herself of the bags that plagued them. They remained.

Sighing, she didn't do anything else to improve her appearance. She didn't have it in her. Her limbs felt too heavy, lacking energy despite all the sleeping she had done the past few days. Her feathers were only slightly tended to, not as pristine and orderly as she kept them. Her long fur was a bit tangled and lumpier than usual, but she was too tired to try grooming out the knots. Grabbing her satchel and a prepared bag of dried herbs, the Aviari left her room. She avoided the more used halls, taking her time to avoid notice. She didn't want to be seen.

Coming to the hallway that led to most of the rooms that were taken by the Winds, she came to a door she was mildly familiar with. Knocking against it quietly, she called softly, "Pandion. It's Naerileen. Here to check on you." She was pretty sure he would be in considering it was barely even dawn, but it was always polite to knock.
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