[Alexander]

Speech:#99ccff

Something was wrong.

It wasn't that something was wrong, so much that something was off.

Alexander had begun spending quite some time within the center of the pack and castle, learning most members names and going out on small adventures with them. It was typically a nice time, sure, but there was something off about it all.

Perhaps it had come to him one day when he was working with Hakan and learning more about his studies from when he'd first worked under the older wolf before he'd lost his memories. Perhaps it was just the tension in the air, and the way Hakan looked when he tended to his herbs. Perhaps it was just stress? But Alexander couldn't shake a feeling from deep within his gut. Something was definitely off.

And it did come in whispers too, throughout the pack. Talk of a deserter, though Alex never heard the name of the accused. It was always in passing and it was always such hush hush that the male found himself uncaring enough to join in on pack gossip. But he could see it in the corner of his eye some times; Hakan's worried look and upset nature. He did his best, and the boy couldn't help but be empathetic to a situation he knew nothing about, but something was terribly wrong.

It was then that he'd realized it had been some time since he'd seen his first and only friend. Kyra hadn't been around, and while he knew she was busy doing important things for the pack; something deep within his gut said she needed to be checked in on.

So Alexander decided to do just that.

It was mid morning, though earlier than usual for the boy to be at the castle waiting for Hakan to stir for their lessons. No, today he would do something different. Instead of waiting outside the castle like always, the golden prince entered its halls and ascended the cliff past the dens of other pack members as he searched for one den in particular.

In the end, it didn't take him more than half an hour before he stumbled upon the red wolf's abode.

Alexander paused as he reached the entrance, his ears lowering a moment. What was he doing? He didn't know exactly what he was about to do, or find when he entered, but something deep within him urged him to go forwards.

"Miss Kyra?" he called out in to the den, paws halted right at the edge of the entrance. He'd decide not to go in after all, but simply wait outside for her. The boy shifted from one paw to the other as he waited a moment before calling out again.

"Miss Kyra? Are you home? It's me, Tobi-- I mean, Alexander."

He wasn't entirely sure what was about to happen, but the golden wolf could feel his heart sinking in his chest as he waited for a hopeful reply.

Down an unknown road

to embrace my fate

Though that road may wander,

it will lead me to you

[Charley]

K y r a,

Oh don't you dare look back, Just keep your eyes on me
I said you're holding back, She said shut up and dance with me

actions - “speech” - thoughts

Kyra usually stayed up late and woke up late. She had been a lot more tired lately and from what her father had told her, this whole moon cycle her appetite would start to come back but she might feel a lot more tired. Her appetite had actually plummeted, her energy levels had taken a significant hit to the point where she could barely stay up past sundown. She was just... disinterested. She thought she would start to have plans on being a good Ursa Major and she was thankful for the position but she felt frozen. She was supposed to pick someone and she barely knew Kodiak and Sycon. She honestly felt like she wanted to just dissapear for a while. Let them figure it out... until Akutan came back and fixed this mess. In her light dozing in her den she couldn't stop the tears.

She had wanted this leadership, but not like this, and not without him. Everything came at the worst time.
"Miss Kyra?" came a voice outside her den. At first she wondered if she had actually heard it and laid there like she hadn't. She couldn't figure out exactly who it was and she wasn't really in the mood to see people.

"Miss Kyra? Are you home? It's me, Tobi-- I mean, Alexander."
"To-bes?" Her voice cracked, for some reason she felt like coming out if it was him. She had regrettably forgot about getting to know him better.

She crawled out of her den on her tummy and laid across the entrance to look up at him, quickly wiping away tears and finding the energy for a weak smile.

"He-Hey. How are you?" She looked like she hadn't slept in a week, or slept all week.

ooc

Photo © Cedric Verstraete / coding © vixxie's codes / lyrics © Shut Up and Dance by Walk The Moon

[Alexander]

Speech:#99ccff

"To-bes?"

The voice was weak but Alexander could hear her strained voice even from the darkness. His head perked, ears listening as they caught hold of her dragging herself to the mouth of her den. Green eyes held the sight of a broken wolf in front of him, but even as his heart sank at the sight, he couldn't help but feel sympathy and guilt. This...wasn't sickness. No, it was something much deeper that he had only just begun to understand.

"He-Hey. How are you?"

The boy's head dipped down almost instinctually as he gave her a gentle headbutt. It was how the dogs greeted each other when they became familiar with them, even if they were just barely familiar with themselves. An old habit keen to not die young it seemed.

The golden prince let out a soft whine as their heads touched, eyes closing for the briefest of moments before he quickly pulled away, his face drenched with the look of worry and concern. If this was what Hakan had been worried about, it was clear that the old wolf had not been exaggerating.

"Kyra." It dripped off his tongue as a whisper; her name flowing from his mouth on the exhale as he looked down at her, ears lowering. He didn't know what had caused this, but, he was damn sure that he was going to pay her back tenfold for the kindness she had shown him. Damned if he will, he was going to do his best to right whatever wrong had happened.

"Do-do you want to go for a walk? I, I found this place...It's very lovely. I-I," he stammered, looking at her softly. He inhaled. If he was going to do this, he was going to need to do it with some confidence.

"I know you've been very busy Kyra, but, I think the fresh air would do some good...And, and I'm sure this garden your father went on and on about could be just the thing. I was, I was planning on going there to fetch some things for him, but I was wondering if maybe you would want to go as well?"

He offered the smallest of smiles and a tail wag.

"I would, I would love it if you came along."

Down an unknown road

to embrace my fate

Though that road may wander,

it will lead me to you

[Charley]

K y r a,

Oh don't you dare look back, Just keep your eyes on me
I said you're holding back, She said shut up and dance with me

actions - “speech” - thoughts

Before she realized it he had pressed his head in and before she could protest she was closing her eyes and catching her breath, leaning into it.
When he pulled away, just as quickly as it had happened, her heart stopped as he whispered her name.

Oh... she didn't want that stop... She couldn't remember if anyone had ever said her name like that before. Before she could fully respond he was asking her to go for a walk. To join him to the garden she vaguely remembered her father excitedly going on about. Honestly? If there was more where that came from she would follow him to the ends of the earth.

As if in a dream she just mumbled "Yeah..." and started getting up to join him. Could he say her name like that again?

She started leading the way, then paused and looked back, "Let's go." she said distantly and nodded her head for him to lead the way. Her gaze was elsewhere her voice had lost a lot of its fiery edge recently. She didn't know what she was doing, but all she knew was that she wanted to lean into him again, but more, for him to do that headbutt thing again. She didn't think anyone other than her family had ever reached out to her first, not like that. Was she only delaying the inevitable?

ooc

Photo © Cedric Verstraete / coding © vixxie's codes / lyrics © Shut Up and Dance by Walk The Moon

[Alexander]

Speech:#99ccff

"Yeah...Let's go."

He watched her get up and begin to lumber towards the entrance before turning back to him. Her voice was soft and his heart skipped a beat as he watched her actually say yes to him. Perhaps he'd be able to make progress in whatever it was that was hurting her so. And if nothing else, it would at least give him the opportunity to tell his teacher that he had gotten partially through to her.

The golden prince gave a soft smile and nod in return as he trotted up along side her. It wasn't much but he knew deep down that he always appreciated when the dogs were gentle with him when he felt down, and now it was his turn to do the same for her.

"I, uh," he began as he started walking back from where he'd came, "...H-How are you? I knew you were busy with...missions and things and I didn't wish to disturb you."

Boy was it hard to talk to her.

"I've, I've heard from your father how much the Queen has put on your shoulders with your promotion, and I wanted to make sure that you're doing all right."

It wasn't that it was hard for the golden prince to talk to her, but rather it was more of an initial giddiness that continued to take over him when he would see her. It was as if he were a child going in to a toy store for the first time and he had to remind himself of his manners beforehand. They were only just getting to know each other; and if he wanted to be a friend to her, or anyone for that matter, he was going to have to lose that dog side of him that he had learned so long ago about becoming over excited when being with those he cared about.

Alexander swallowed as he took the lead a bit, directing them towards the garden that he and Hakan had found earlier. The old man had been dumbfounded by the discovery, and though Alex couldn't fully place a thumb on what it all meant, he too found it to be a beautiful and relaxing sight. Perhaps Kyra would share his sentiments.

OOC: HELLO IM SORRY THIS TOOK SO FUUUUCKING LONG T_T

Down an unknown road

to embrace my fate

Though that road may wander,

it will lead me to you

[Charley]

K y r a,

Oh don't you dare look back, Just keep your eyes on me
I said you're holding back, She said shut up and dance with me

actions - “speech” - thoughts

Even though her eyes felt like they would swell themselves shut against the sun she appreciated this gesture. It was a good break from her den, and finally something to get her back on her feet again.

She followed his lead, taking deep long breaths of the fresh air as he spoke.

"...H-How are you? I knew you were busy with...missions and things and I didn't wish to disturb you." She would smile softly at him and blink slowly, she honestly didn't think he would ever disturb her. Such strange thoughts, this boy was a completely different personality than the father of her brood. She couldn't help thinking...

"I've, I've heard from your father how much the Queen has put on your shoulders with your promotion, and I wanted to make sure that you're doing all right."

"Hmm..." She hummed and looked down at the path he was leading them down. He probably had no idea what went down. Perhaps the only one in Nardir who hadn't been within earshot of her explosive... one sided... argument. He probably had no idea she even had a mate... And possibly he just thought she was fat, bless him. So far he had only witnessed her in this strange soft half light she had previously been unaware was a part of her.

It was like he completely disarmed her just by being close. She would disappoint him one day, and she didn't know if she ever wanted to get that far. Better to keep him at arms length. If Akutan came back...

"Yeah... Its... a good position. I..." Well she didn't really work hard to get the position, it was kind of dumped in her lap because the previous Ursa Major knocked her up then decided to bail.

She hadn't checked in on her father...
"How is he then?" She asked slowly, "My dad?" Not entirely intending to change the subject but she didn't have much to go on about her new position, being as how she got it was somewhat a sore spot. When Alex reminded her though, of her father, it gave her a nagging feeling that she should have checked in with him. Akutan had been a son to him, much like a lot of the pack was, but Hakan would probably take it harder than most would think. She didn't hang around him as much anymore and Alexander was almost spending every day with him at this point.

Her father had in fact taken the previous Ursa's leaving as a personal blow to his very warm heart. Coupled with concern for Kyra, thinking that one of his grandsons had perished in a terrible way, saying goodbye to his dearest and closest friend, it was a wonder the elder was still working. At the same time perhaps he was overworking again, always finding something to do. The herb stores where nigh to bursting over the last few days as the end of summer was coming quickly and the flowers were bursting forth in their last summers hurrah. He was either out checking on the plants, or gathering, or within the dens working on the stores and organizing or tending to the latest bumbles of Beatrice, Rapture and Buckshot. Always letting himself be interrupted by whoever came to call upon him.

ooc y'know it cool!

Photo © Cedric Verstraete / coding © vixxie's codes / lyrics © Shut Up and Dance by Walk The Moon

[Alexander]

Speech:#99ccff

"Yeah... Its... a good position. I...How is he then? My dad?"

He'd been trailing a little ahead of her as he led her towards the edge of the trees where the garden lay in perfect silence. Yet he stopped and looked over at her as he heard her trailing off from her position to her father. The golden prince's ears dropped a bit as he offered a small smile.

"He's fine. He's...enjoying going over things with me about what I remember and don't." Alexander gave a small laugh but his smile faded as concern washed over him. He didn't know the details of either of their lives, and it wasn't his place to know, but he could tell something was off with the both of them and he was concerned. They were his friends after all, and he didn't want to see them suffer.

"He does worry about you though," he mused in a softer, gentler tone. The golden prince offered her a gentle nudge on the shoulder with his own shoulder as his head swung towards the direction of the garden.

"Anyway," he began with a smile, hoping that their destination would take her mind off of whatever troubled her, "here we are. It's...I..I hope you like it as much as I do...It's very nice here..." He gave a gentle wag of his tail as he waited for her to step in to the garden. Today was going to be about her- not him or her father. Alexander inhaled deeply as he shook the worry away from his face. She had enough burdens on her plate to bear; the least he could do was provide a temporary solace from all that troubled her.

Down an unknown road

to embrace my fate

Though that road may wander,

it will lead me to you

[Charley]

K y r a,

Oh don't you dare look back, Just keep your eyes on me
I said you're holding back, She said shut up and dance with me

actions - “speech” - thoughts

Her blue brown gaze flicked up to the back of his head as she noticed him pause ahead of her from her question. She perked her dark red ears as he -cutely- drooped his. How in the star dazzled sky could he look all sad -cutely- and how could she be so startlingly concerned that she could be raining on his parade here even though he sent her this small disarming smile despite it all.

She looked away as he filled her in, her own ears dropping this time. Her father was always worried about her. Though he had certainly lightened up on nagging her. She should take some time to see him, make sure he wasn't working himself to death again.

"Anyway," He interjected on a lighter note, bringing her attention back up from her inner turmoil, "here we are. It's...I..I hope you like it as much as I do...It's very nice here..." She sidled up beside him and followed his gaze as they rounded the trees.

Before her was a lush and vibrant garden full of colors and medicinal plants, flowers, fruits and vegetables. It was veritably... romantic.

It was beautiful... and she was dead pan. Her gaze empty and void as she pulled her paws foreward to walk beyond him into the garden. To gently nose a flower and perhaps feel something more... she closed her eyes as she filled her nose with the floral scent. Instead of contentedness or even pleasure falling over her visage, her brow scrunched up in pain. Her eyes welled up with tears and fell from her cheeks.

She sat her rump down heavily and hung her head, swaying it back and forth, groaning. Tears falling freely. Run

"Oh Toby, Alex... Tobes I can't... I can't do this to you." She choked through a sob, shaking her head. RUN

No, running got her into this mess, and running would hurt this dear soft boy more than she could bear. She was done letting things get as fucked up as they were. She wasn't ready to face this shit head on but she couldn't possibly let this go beyond anything more. If not for herself than maybe for them.

"I'm pregnant. I'm a mess, I fuck everything up. This isn't who I am. I'm loud, I'm obnoxious, I'm too much to handle... I yell and scream and I'll just chase you away." She sobbed, rocking on her shaking legs, trying to pull away, swaying over the edge of running away and crashing into him.

ooc

Photo © Cedric Verstraete / coding © vixxie's codes / lyrics © Shut Up and Dance by Walk The Moon

[Alexander]

Speech:#99ccff

"Oh Toby, Alex... Tobes I can't... I can't do this to you. I'm pregnant. I'm a mess, I fuck everything up. This isn't who I am. I'm loud, I'm obnoxious, I'm too much to handle... I yell and scream and I'll just chase you away."

It all happened so fast. In one moment, Alexander was watching Kyra step in to the sun light and he felt something in his chest urging him forward but he remained at the edge of the tree line, soaking in the red wolf with a wide smile on his face. He watched as she sniffed through the flowers, but just like a rolling summer storm the weather had changed in a matter of moments and even though the sun was high in the sky, it seemed to be raining. He watched as she sobbed and proclaimed all this to him, and that feeling in his chest plummeted. It was, if nothing else, a gut punch to the build up he'd been feeling for some time, but the golden prince choked back his own selfish desires and stepped in to the sunlight.

An instant pang hit him-- had he done something wrong in bringing her here? Was it all too much? Worry spread through him as he walked up next to her and sat down, but the boy pushed it aside as he inhaled and looked at her. She needed a friend; someone who was strong as a rock that could be there for her, and he needed to be that. He owed it to her to be that.

"Hey, hey," he said, offering a soft smile as he nudged away a tear with his nose, "that's okay. It's okay. It's okay. You're okay." The mantra was repeated several times as he did his best to calm her, pulling back as he nudged another tear away and offering a soft, empathetic smile.

"You are not a mess, Miss Kyra," he rumbled, golden green eyes hovering just above her own line of sight as he looked at her. If anyone was a mess here in Nardir it was him- the poor fool couldn't even remember his own name, let alone all of the members of the pack that swore they knew him as some prince. Alexander turned from her to look out over the field that they found themselves in before continuing, "you are wonderful. Don't ever let anyone think or say that you are anything less." His confidence had changed once again from the fearful boy that couldn't speak to her to the regal prince that he'd only harnessed once before when they'd run in to each other for a brief moment. Whether he was doing it consciously and purposely, he couldn't say; it was something that was becoming more natural to him when he saw others, and especially her, needing confident reassurance in moments of self doubt.

"I cannot begin to understand the amount of weight that has been put on you," he mused after a moment of silence, his gaze still holding out over the horizon where the tree line began once more, letting silence fall once more between them.

"But," he said, looking back over to her, green eyes catching her gaze now, "I will always be here for you. We are friends, and nothing will ever stop that. You have nothing to fear here, Miss Kyra." He gave her a wide smile, eyes closing and tail gently wagging in between the flowers and ground.

He opened his eyes once more and gave her a firm look, his smile fading a little as he leaned in once more to wipe away a tear that stained her fur.

"Do not ever stop being you for the sake of another. You are flawed- we are all flawed- but that does not make you any less or more than another. Our flaws are what define us, and they make us shine brighter, not dim us."

He took a moment to pause, inhaling deeply as he bit his tongue from finishing what he wanted to say.

'You are the brightest I have ever seen, and I don't ever want that light to go out because I wouldn't know what to do if it did.'

Down an unknown road

to embrace my fate

Though that road may wander,

it will lead me to you

[Charley]

K y r a,

Oh don't you dare look back, Just keep your eyes on me
I said you're holding back, She said shut up and dance with me

actions - “speech” - thoughts

His soothing words and helpful touch ceased her swaying. She looked through the mist of her eyes at him and his empathic smile. Not quite sure what to make of him. This was not the reaction she expected. Well, she didn't really expect anything.

"You are not a mess, Miss Kyra," She snorted with a half gargling sob laugh and looked away, "you are wonderful. Don't ever let anyone think or say that you are anything less." She couldn't help her head shaking from the incredulous statement. If only he knew...

"You have no idea..." She she said quietly through half sobs, obviously not believing him, her eyes glued to the ground, but she began to settle into a calmer state.

"But...I will always be here for you. We are friends, and nothing will ever stop that. You have nothing to fear here, Miss Kyra --- Our flaws are what define us, and they make us shine brighter, not dim us."

She would slowly pull her gaze up, closing her eyes as he would wipe a tear away to open them and study his. She immediately didn't believe him, but she couldn't deny that she desperately wanted to. Why... she wanted to ask. Why would he promise such things, even say they were friends, to tell her to be her self in the face of the farce she had tried to uphold around him. She hadn't even realized she had put up a mask until it felt like it was.

It was all the same... and yet... it was the exact opposite. She sniffed, silent, looked on to the horizon, back at him wondering. Wondering wondering wondering.

"You don't... I don't think you get it..." She said taking a breath and casting her gaze away again. She took a half breath and stood, shaking her head. Holding back more tears, it felt like empty promises. No one had been there for her. Not even her father, and while yes she had in a way forgiven him for it, it didn't erase it from her history. She knew he would try his best but... One day she knew he would join his friends on the other side and leave her again permanently. Hopefully not for a while yet but Byakko's death put the real fear of loss in her. She trailed her tail behind her as she turned back to the garden around them. looking at the flowers sadly. She looked back at him, concern and disbelief oozing from her eyes. She couldn't trust it. Not after what the last "friend" had done to her. He was supposed to be more than a friend. She didn't want to tell Alex, but she still believed she would eventually chase him away.

She wanted to show him, she wanted to test it but she didn't have it in her, not at the moment anyway. She liked him. She liked him in a way she hadn't liked Akutan. Akutan was a challenge, a tease, a tension rope. At least that was what she thought. Akutan was handsome, maybe even... risky. Had they ever made these kinds of promises? The mess of the quake and subsequent leadership change had fumbled their vows, swept them under the rug. They were all unranked on the way to Inaria and to their old lands. So the mess of the consequences of conceiving these pups was likewise swept under the rug, she wasn't going to bring that up in any capacity at this point. Seemed pretty moot.

She liked this one though, in a way she had never liked anyone before. She absently played with the fallen petals of a flower.

While gluing her gaze to the petals she finally spoke up, "I don't think I can make the same promises. Not now." She looked up, wondering how he would take that, it was probably disheartening. "I-I want to but I'm just... not great at... friends..." Though she was trying with Kastra at least. She felt she was on fairly good terms with Kas and he seemed to understand her fairly well.  

She sniffed and wiped her own residual tears away, turning away from him again, "I got more flaws than entire the pack combined..." She sighed quietly half to herself. She had to, to chase away her own mate the way she did. A respected and high ranked member of the pack. Who had been here longer than she had.

She hated to be such a downer, here he was taking her out on such a nice walk and she had to drag him down while he was doing such a nice thing for her. She closed her eyes tight to thoughts invading her, pushing another wave of weeping out, "I'm sorry... I'm sorry I ruined it..." Could she just blame all this on the kids? Man she was SO done leaking and here she was again, leaking, making everything worse, probably going to make him feel worse. She was such a mess.

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Photo © Cedric Verstraete / coding © vixxie's codes / lyrics © Shut Up and Dance by Walk The Moon

[Alexander]

Speech:#99ccff

"You have no idea...You don't... I don't think you get it...I don't think I can make the same promises. Not now. I-I want to but I'm just... not great at... friends...I got more flaws than entire the pack combined..."I'm sorry... I'm sorry I ruined it..."

Alexander's head tilted as she spoke in bubbling heaps as she sobbed and choked out the words. His ears lowered, but not because his heart hurt or that he realized he was being rejected. No, it wasn't any of that. The look of concern and empathy plastered across his face came from the thought that she didn't want to be his friend- that something so traumatic had happened to her that it left her shaking and crying in the middle of a field. He opened his mouth to speak, only to close it as she managed to choke out more words. And then she was apologizing. Alexander's ears perked up and the empathetic look on his face was wiped away with confusion and realization. It wasn't that she didn't want to be his friend- it was that she was worried she was going to do something to screw up any possible friendship they could have.

The golden prince sat back on his rump and lifted a front paw, gently setting it on her shoulder. He offered her a reassuring look, eyes soft as he held her gaze.

"You're fine. It's fine. You haven't ruined anything, Miss Kyra." His voice was gentle and low as he did his best to reassure her. Perhaps it was the only lucky streak he had- dogs were social animals. They were kind amongst their own kind, and did well to be as inclusive as possible. For dogs, or at least for his family of dogs, they were kind and taught him how to be a kind soul. They reminded him that even though he was a mess and he was an outsider- he was still deserving of love and of friendship. While their experiences were different; he could understand the thoughts of not being worth enough, or good enough for basic rights. If he had been thinking about it past the surface, Alexander would have picked up on the obvious signs of abuse she was showing as a victim; his thoughts though were focused on getting her to stop crying and to believe him in some capacity that he meant what he said.

"I don't expect any promises," he rumbled, too tunnel visioned to understand what she meant. Sure, she was sweet and cool and he wanted to be around her, but, wasn't that what friends did? Alexander tilted his head a bit and closed his eyes, giving a small smile to her as he lowered his foot, "I just, I want to thank you for your kindness towards me. I don't..." he paused, his smile fading a bit as he searched for the right words to say. It was tricky; he didn't want to come off as some typical male who had only his interests in mind- no her's were important as well- but he wanted to somehow get the idea across that all he wanted was just to be friends. To maybe have her show him around the pack some time, or to chat every now and again when things were calm and quiet.

"I don't want you to be sad, Miss Kyra," he said after a long pause, his eyes looking back up at her with concern and sadness. It made him sad that she was sad, and there was nothing more he wanted in the world than to see her happy, even if only for a moment.

"And if friendship is something you are not comfortable with, that is fine. Your comfort and your feelings are important. If I am pushing this on you--friendship-- then I am glad you are telling me! I do not want to make you feel uncomfortable, or unsafe. I realize..." he began, cringing a bit internally as it came in to his brain as hindsight, "I realize that I have been rather pushy in wanting to...in wanting to spend time with you. I do apologize if I have been acting disrespectfully. I--" he paused. Part of him wanted to say that it was how the dogs taught him- that extreme social interaction was appropriate and necessary. Part of him wanted to make up any excuse as to why his behavior was so strange. But there was no excuse, because one can't excuse themselves for being pushy or for being rude and disrespectful towards another, even if it was unintentional.

The golden prince turned his gaze back to Kyra as he took in a sharp breath and exhaled.

'I want you to know that it's okay to feel this way. I want to tell you that your safety and wellbeing are more important than my desire to be friends. I want you to know that I'm not upset, or mad, or angry at you for feeling uncomfortable because I pushed too soon and I pushed too hard. I want you to know that I will wait until you are ready for friendship. I wish there was an easier way to express that my intentions were not to put you in a corner and feeling trapped, but to show you a distraction that would take your mind off of whatever is troubling you.'

That's what he wanted to say.

"I hope you can forgive me for my actions." came the soft voice as he looked back to her, his stomach churning at the thought that her sadness was because of his actions and inability to be a proper friend. If anything, he seemed to be making it all worse, and there was nothing more he could say to make it better.

Down an unknown road

to embrace my fate

Though that road may wander,

it will lead me to you

[Charley]

K y r a,

Oh don't you dare look back, Just keep your eyes on me
I said you're holding back, She said shut up and dance with me

actions - “speech” - thoughts

The touch on her shoulder made her want to crumple into him but she had to physically hold herself back. No... No shouldn't couldn't do that to him, say that she couldn't make these promises and then fall into him like that. It came as a sway forward then a swift push back of herself.

He kept talking and everything within her was just: no no no no! This wasn't what she was saying! Ugh if only her sister were here to translate for her! Lyra was so much better at putting what Kyra was feeling into words! She wanted to interrupt him but she just couldn't find the words.

"No! You haven't-" She started, shaking her head and pulling away from him, how could she make him understand?
"I want to be friends! You haven't..." She tried again stomping on her paws as if she could force the words up from the earth, dancing in a circle to get a little space from him. It wasn't at all what she wanted.

"UGH! That's not what I mean!" She tossed her head up, frustrated that her words were failing her again. The itch to run and clear her head was so strong she couldn't ignore it. But she did not want to run away from him. A cramp in her side was threatening to twinge.

Breathe... Came a thought as if on a gentle breeze. Then a gentle breeze did pick up in the garden, it made the tall flowers and grasses around them in the field sway like a reminder. She could have sworn she saw a butterfly flutter on the edge of her vision.

She stood still, closed her eyes and took in the breath of wind. Her eyes stung but she could feel the pressure lessen, she could feel her heart steady within her. The itch in her pads began to fade and they became heavy and rooted. The pups in her womb even felt more settled.

"No. I will not forgive you." She finally said after her steadying moment with her eyes closed, her voice more steady, her features less grief stricken.
She opened her eyes, and bore her mismatched gaze into his own greens.

"There is nothing for me to forgive." She slowly sat down, a few steps away from him now, she didn't know what she would do if he reached out again.

She took another breath letting her gaze soften, glancing at a flower just by him, then back up to him, her eyes finally dry, or at least the flow had been stemmed for now.

He was earnest, he was earnest and sincere and she felt that. She just didn't know what to do with that. She couldn't help but review her past relationships and none of them was like this. Honestly he was the first person to come to her and seek her attention that wasn't her father. And then allow her the space to even deny him friendship and not actually push her into giving in.

Akutan had to convince her to become official mates. She had pushed back at him since the beginning not wanting commitment. She honestly had just wanted some fun but she got tied up in the potential consequences that would have ended badly for him, a lead rank at the time. She even remembered asking him... What if she lost control and got so mad at him... would he love her then? His answer at the time was that he would bear it and they would work on it together after she blew off the steam. What happened in practice though... was not what he promised.

But that was apparently four steps ahead of this guy when he was just simply wanting to be friends with her and not even going so far as teasing her, or pursuing her further and even then... He was willing to leave it completely at acquaintances. This was entirely new territory for her.

Oooohhhh she would ruin him. She couldn't deny the pull she felt when he first came to thank her. She would have to physically restrain herself from falling into him like she always did. Everyone got hurt when she tried to start things, jump ahead to the fun times. Arik... now Akutan...

"I want... to be friends. I just... Don't know how..." She tried again, thinking about her response carefully.
"You haven't been pushy at all. I mean like... At all, at all. I really... Appreciate it." She flicked her tail and looked away again.
"I'm just really really bad at saying how I'm feeling. I hope you understand. It takes me a while. Is-is that ok? Can we still try to be friends? I'd really... I really want to try." She asked looking up at him again with a look of concern. Maybe she already wigged him out with her yoyo like feelings and responses.

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Photo © Cedric Verstraete / coding © vixxie's codes / lyrics © Shut Up and Dance by Walk The Moon

[Alexander]

Speech:#99ccff

"No! You haven't-I want to be friends! You haven't...UGH! That's not what I mean!"

Alexander watched as Kyra became visibly upset, standing up and walking a few steps away as her voice became frustrated. He didn't flinch; in fact, Alexander didn't move from his spot. He allowed her to speak her mind, ears perked as he listened intently to what she was saying. Perhaps he had gotten it wrong; she seemed to want to be friends and he was definitely on board for that.

Then, she stilled. And as a breeze brushed past them both, Alexander couldn't help but find his green eyes widening as he took her entirely in. There was...a beauty...that he had seen before but hadn't really noticed; a fire about her that she had kept bottled inside and had let out. He felt his heart skip a beat but he refrained from thinking too much in to that moment. But the prince knew that it was definitely a moment in time that he would not forget. And then Kyra was speaking again, her own mismatched gaze settling on his own. Was his mouth hanging open? He blinked and licked his nose; no thankfully his mouth hadn't been open in awe and amazement at her.

"No. I will not forgive you. There is nothing for me to forgive."

Alexander felt a shiver travel up his spine as she spoke to him in a calm, collected manner. There was no hidden anger or frustration in her voice now, and Alexander couldn't help but feel himself begin to smile softly in her direction, his ear twitching as he gave a nod in response. This was not his time to interject; she had things to say and he would do his best by listening and allowing her to air her thoughts. It felt as though...perhaps that was something she had not been able to do before. If so, the prince would give her the time to do so now.

"I want... to be friends. I just... Don't know how...You haven't been pushy at all. I mean like... At all, at all. I really... Appreciate it. I'm just really really bad at saying how I'm feeling. I hope you understand. It takes me a while. Is-is that ok? Can we still try to be friends? I'd really... I really want to try."

Alexander nodded, his own gaze softening as she turned away from him. The smile faded when she wasn't looking, but still the boy found himself rising to all fours even though they were a few steps apart. He wouldn't approach her- she deserved space, and he had been (whether she wanted to admit it or not) overcrowding that space.

"Of course, Miss Kyra. I understand." came the low, gentle rumble from the prince as he smiled at her, his tail swaying gently behind him.

"I would love to try," he said after a moment, still offering that gentle smile as he looked from her towards the field and forest, "when I was a child, the dogs taught me how to be social. It comes, albeit, a little too naturally." He gave a silent chuckle as he shook his head. "I forget sometimes that I'm no longer with them." Alexander lifted his head to look at the sky, the smile fading as he thought of what was his home. He missed them, but, it was for the best that he was here.

He would let the silence fall between them for a few moments before lowering his head and offering Kyra a little head nod towards the northern edge of the garden.

"I would like to show you something."

Down an unknown road

to embrace my fate

Though that road may wander,

it will lead me to you

[Charley]

K y r a,

Oh don't you dare look back, Just keep your eyes on me
I said you're holding back, She said shut up and dance with me

actions - “speech” - thoughts

He understood? Just like that, instead of chasing after her, explaining himself, where he was coming from and why he was reacting and and and and... he just... Let her go... Sat there as she walked away from him.

He explained a little bit about where he was coming from but it wasn't presented as some kind of... excuse, more like... Backstory. Did she ever get into back story with Akutan? Sort of... He just more regaled her about how much he had lost, but not really about how. If she actually thought about it, how much about him did she know? How much of her story did he even ask her about or did she even share with him? Whyyyyyy was she trying to compare them right now when she wasn't really that interested in going down that path with Toby right now anyway. It was all just too fresh. She couldn't just move on at lightning speed even though she wanted to.

She watched him cautiously then tilted her head at him as he invited her to come with him to show her something.

As she joined him to see, she felt led to let him know why maybe she had hard time having friends...

"I... grew up without the pack. Dad said I was born just after the exile. My brother and sister and I were raised by our older brother and my grandfather in the neutrals. Dad worked himself half to death when the pack split, he got lost. Mom went after him... We... I grew up technically a loner. Until we came to the marshes where Nardir got some land back. I was like... I don't know pretty young still. Then we got lost going to the next territory..." She moved a lot, she was accidentally abandoned a lot.

"Whats this?" She asked following him.

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Photo © Cedric Verstraete / coding © vixxie's codes / lyrics © Shut Up and Dance by Walk The Moon

[Alexander]

Speech:#99ccff

"I... grew up without the pack. Dad said I was born just after the exile. My brother and sister and I were raised by our older brother and my grandfather in the neutrals. Dad worked himself half to death when the pack split, he got lost. Mom went after him... We... I grew up technically a loner. Until we came to the marshes where Nardir got some land back. I was like... I don't know pretty young still. Then we got lost going to the next territory..."

The golden prince's attention shifted from the direction of where they were headed to look at Kyra as she spoke. He gave a nod as he listened to her story- he could relate in so many ways...at least, he felt as if he could relate but he couldn't match the details; those were still too fuzzy.

"I see," he said, head swinging from looking at her to back in front of him as they walked through the fields of different herbs and flowers. He'd shift to the left, taking an overgrown path towards the northeastern part of the garden.

"That sounds like was a very rough time...I cannot begin to imagine what it must have felt like, growing up without a family." he mused, though he too understood being a loner, to some extent. He had the dogs to keep him right- he wasn't left alone to his own devices.

"I was fortunate," he said after a moment. Was he intruding too much by comparing his life to hers? He wasn't trying to do that- he wanted to show that in some capacity he could empathize with her- that he knew and understood bits of how she would feel coming to a pack she had never known and was told to fit in, "I had my family of dogs that looked after me...They gave me a home and a family I never knew I'd had..." Alexander chuckled a little at this, looking up to the crisp blue sky. Though he tried to hide it- he looked sad. He did really miss them, and though he knew it was for the best, he couldn't help but feel that lingering pang of desire to go back home and cuddle up with them in their piles and go scavenging and hunting. It pained him to be here in a place that he knew next to nothing about, and somehow went from being a nobody to a prince. Alexander lowered his head, the sadness still lingering on his face as they walked.

"Whats this?"

He perked up, blinking as they arrived. Not too far in the distance was a large catacomb of rock structures oozing with a golden color. Every now and again, a buzzing noise would whip past them both as a bee or two would fly back to the rocks. Alexander couldn't help but smile as he looked at her.

"I uh...followed this crazy old coot one night" he began, gaze watching the rocks, "and we went on a hunt for some honey...for...someone. I don't know who. But the honey he was finding in the trees was...well, it was okay. But it wasn't...like this." He turned his gaze from the rocks back to Kyra, still smiling widely.

"I don't know exactly what...it's for, this structure, but I do know there is a treasure trove of honey in there that has been made from the flowers in this garden. It's not your average honey...in fact, I think it might even be better than the stuff that crazy old wolf got for his friend..or...mate? I'm not entirely sure what he was up to."

The prince's smile faded in to contemplation as he thought back to the night he and Buckshot snuck around getting honeycombs and honey. He shrugged it off though, the smile returning.

"Would you like to try some?"

Down an unknown road

to embrace my fate

Though that road may wander,

it will lead me to you

[Charley]

K y r a,

Oh don't you dare look back, Just keep your eyes on me
I said you're holding back, She said shut up and dance with me

actions - “speech” - thoughts

She perked her ears and tilted her head slightly at him as he empathized. She couldn't remember anyone saying words like that to her other than her father, but Hakan even had a hard time empathizing with her sometimes.

When they rounded the corner she had heard it before she saw it and balked when it came into view. She raised an eyebrow as he told her about hunting for honey with this other male for his mate and she couldn't think to guess it might have been none other than Buckshot. She wondered how Buck would feel about hearing Alex call him "crazy old coot" and she couldn't help but smirk.

She jumped and weaved her head out of the way as a bee buzzed by her, pinning her ears and watching them zoom around.
"Won't we get stung?" She asked, whipping her head back as another flew by a little too close again. She could smell the sweet honey and she had to admit she was very curious. Normally she would barge right in, bold as ever but these bugs made her cautious. She had been stung before and did not like the experience, though that had been a wasp when she was much younger.

"Do you miss the dogs? Why did you come back again?" She asked, she vaguely remembered meeting him by the cave, he spoke of a dream, but she couldn't quite place why it was so important hor him to leave what he believed was his family. And even now, when he didn't remember the family he had here, or maybe hoped to build further here.... The thought had intruded into her mind and she tried to play it off like she wasn't just thinking about that. The pups squirmed as if they could hear her thoughts.

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Photo © Cedric Verstraete / coding © vixxie's codes / lyrics © Shut Up and Dance by Walk The Moon

[Alexander]

Speech:#99ccff

"Won't we get stung?"


Alexander smirked at this, nodding at her question. Yes, the possibility of being stung was great, but, the boy had a little something up his sleeve.

"Typically, yes," he said with a low hum, "but I have found that a mixture of mint, lavender, and basil can do the trick. Burnt or wet- so long as the aroma is able to escape the herbs, it tends to lull the bees just enough for us to grab a small sample. I believe smoke would be the best for a larger extraction but-- since we're only here for a little sample, a little pile of crushed, wet herbs should do just the trick."

Honestly, Hakan would have been very proud of Alexander in that moment. This had been a trial by error some nights ago, but the apprentice was quick to remember certain herbs and their effects. Combined, they made a pretty decent bee relaxer, and he'd had his fair share of getting to sample the honey on his own time.

"Do you miss the dogs? Why did you come back again?"

Alexander's smile faded as he looked beyond her, wishing to find the right answer. He sighed softly, shrugging at the question itself.

"The dreams, mostly," he began, golden green eyes staring past her gaze before blinking and looking at her, "they started up and when I told my pack they didn't believe me. They thought I was having a fit...until we stumbled upon one of my dream places. From then on, they helped me scout out more places..." Alexander paused, shaking his head and smiling softly, offering a chuckle as he did so.

"Honestly," he began shifting on his weight and looking from Kyra to the bees, "I am back because I was hoping to find answers. I was hoping...to learn the truth and then return home to my family. But...I don't think...I do not think it is wise for me to leave Nardir, knowing what I know and knowing that I still know nothing. It would be an ultimate disappointment." The prince glanced her way- that was probably what she didn't want to hear, but it was the truth. If given the opportunity, the golden boy would be back to his old way of life in a heartbeat; but something kept him planted here- kept him wanting to stay here at least for a little while longer.

"If I am a prince...If I am, Alexander and not Tobie, then it is something I need to know. I need to be able to feel as though this pack has not thrown this name at me because I look similar to someone they lost so long ago. Your father, he--he so firmly believes that I am this lost prince of the Queen." The boy chuckled softly.

"I do not know if I am or not, but, I have never seen someone so happy to see a stranger like he was with me."

Alexander shifted again, this time standing up and looking up to the sky, before down towards the bees nest.

"Of course I miss the dogs. I think, no matter what, there will always be a place in my heart for them. Just as there will always be a place in my heart for Nardir."

He turned towards Kyra, smiling gently and wagging his tail. He had gotten too off track- too far one way and spilled perhaps way too much of his heart out to her. They were here for honey collecting! Not to hear him whine about what he did or didn't know about life and the world around him!

"Enough of the sad talk," he huffed with a gentle chuckle at the end, "If you would be so kind as to help me gather some basil...I have a small stack of lavender and mint set aside from my last try. The basil was the hardest to find...I was only able to find a small bit of it just beyond the garden, But I am sure there must be a larger patch or patches hidden about in the garden itself...if we can find those, then perhaps we can get ourselves a decent taste."

Down an unknown road

to embrace my fate

Though that road may wander,

it will lead me to you

[Charley]

K y r a,

Oh don't you dare look back, Just keep your eyes on me
I said you're holding back, She said shut up and dance with me

---

She tilted her head at him as he explained the herbs effect on the bees and she wondered if her father even knew about that. Hakan would be proud for sure. He was very doting on his apprentices… and her sister… and anyone else who took an interest in his work. She had just simply absorbed some of the information as he would ramble about it or try and teach her on their way from the marshes to the new lands. She knew Lavender and Mint for sure but she never liked the taste of basil and she couldn’t remember what that was good for. Hakan had been warning her off lavender as much as possible during her pregnancy and would only let her around it when she was closer to term and waiting for labor. However much it was to calm the bees though would be fine right?

She was only half listening to Alex explain why he had come back and what made him leave the dogs until he siad “return home” and she subtly pulled her head and ears back to it in surprise. Her heart thudding against her ribs to a pattern of mild panic. Why was she so… surprised? or was it hurt? It felt like a blow that knocked the wind out of her and she looked away trying to hide it, blinking rapidly to keep her eyes dry. Suddenly the idea that he wouldn’t stay… Now she really couldn’t get involved with him. She wouldn’t be enough to make him stay. She chased people away, no one ever stayed for her why would he be any different? He probably had his eye on someone at “home” already, he would be anxious to get back to them… of course. He was a boy who didn’t remember who he was, he had found a life and a new family.

There was always someone else… a cousin… a lover… a sibling… a queen.

He pulled their attention back to the task at hand, gathering basil for the bees. She couldn’t help but feel that the fire she had started to rekindle a little earlier had been completely blown out of her again. She would ruin him because if they got involved with each other he would have to choose… and no one chose her… Not even the father of her pups chose her.

She nodded, she couldn’t say anything more. She was always more of a doer anyway. Maybe she’ll at least enjoy his friendship while he was here. She won’t pretend even a strong friendship would be able to make him stay.

Her father always had the hardest time finding basil, so whenever they came across it he was always studying it, trying to find why it was growing in a spot it did. She remembered it liked a lot of sun and a lot of water. So she looked up at the sky and around, to find the sunniest spots. The most open where there wouldn’t be much shade. Then tried to find low spots in the garden, where water was the most likely to gather, perhaps near the creek that ran through the garden and fed the plants. She listened for the sound of fresh running water and followed her ears. She nodded for Alex to follow her. Her eyes sad again but determined.

She came upon the creek and looked around again for the sunlight reaching for the waters. In a good open spot away from the trees there was copious stand of basil waiting for them.

“It likes to have wet roots and full sun.” She commented, staring at it blankly, her tone emotionless. Oh she was on the edge of another hormonal pregnancy breakdown wasn’t she… She had plenty to be sad about but her dad told her sometimes she might cry for absolutely nothing too.

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Photo © Cedric Verstraete / coding © vixxie's codes / lyrics © Shut Up and Dance by Walk The Moon

[Alexander]

Speech:#99ccff

He hadn't noticed when he turned to look in one direction the expression Kyra made when he mentioned leaving. He hadn't seen the hurt that suddenly plagued her face. Honestly, the prince was too caught up in impressing her with the honey that he hadn't even noticed the flatlining in her voice when she'd found some.

“It likes to have wet roots and full sun.”

Alexander's head whipped to her voice as she spoke, bounding back over towards her with a smile and his tail wagging happily as he spied what she had found.

"Oh, Miss Kyra! This is excellent! This will do just fine, I believe!" His heart was pounding with joy and anxiety. Had she caught on yet? Had she noticed him trying to impress her? Even if they were just friends--he wanted to impress her. He wanted Kyra to look at him and be astonished that even with soup for brains he could still manage to pull something off and make it work. It was like the old coot had said--err--hinted to, rather. It was always nice to show someone you deeply cared about that you cared by giving them honey. Or was it, impressing others is all good and well so long as they're the ones you cared about? Actually, he wasn't that clear. He seemed rather head over heels for some lady and wanted to gift her honey. It was all the idea Alexander had needed to try and replicate with Kyra. Sure, she had a mate and she would never be anything more than a friend to him- but- maybe if he could show a hint of what he was meaning, maybe, she'd understand and take it as a friendly gesture instead of what it truly was.

It was totally cool to take a friend out to a super special secret garden and share honey with them, right?

"If you--if you wouldn't mind grabbing that basil-- I can fetch some water and we can begin!" Alexander said with a small chirp in his voice as he nudged Kyra's shoulder gently with his own. That was a buddy move, right? Right?

The prince smiled widely as he turned again towards a nearby patch of water, grabbing a small worked piece of wood in the shape of a bowl that he had dug up some days prior. He would bring it back towards the rocky outcrop with Kyra, excited as he collected the other ingredients and began to work them in the water to create a strange, very fragrant paste. Alexander would only look back at Kyra once as he finished, beckoning her closer as he slid the paste in to an opening.

"Now, we wait. It should not take long at all," he said with a tinge of glee in his voice. It wouldn't take long either, the buzzes strong at first but slowly dying down to a low murmur as the waves of paste scent wafted throughout the structure. The golden boy rose after a moment, pushing back a medium sized rock to reveal a giant honeycomb embedded within the rock; each comb dripping with excess honey. Several bees were still attempting to work but he would push them aside and grab a decent sized piece for the two of them before rolling the rock back in to place.

"Here we are!" Alexander cheerfully said after a moment, nudging a piece towards Kyra, smiling widely as he looked at her and then the honeycomb.

"I uh-- I do hope, I do hope that you like it. I think it is some of Nardir's best kept secret."

Down an unknown road

to embrace my fate

Though that road may wander,

it will lead me to you

[Kyra]

K y r a,

Oh don't you dare look back, Just keep your eyes on me
I said you're holding back, She said shut up and dance with me

---

In a haze Kyra heard his voice congratulate her in finding the herb and she gently furrowed her brow at him and looked at him sideways. What, like it was hard? she thought to herself and flicked her tail.

With a chirp he directed her to grab some and follow him, his shoulder making contact with hers just for a moment. She froze at the instant they touched, and watched after him as he led the way back. She shook it off before grabbing some of the basil and loping after him.

She placed the basil into his bowl and watched him work silently. She was getting tired again. She wanted to be interested in what he was doing but honestly she had seen her father make a paste a hundred times. Granted she had never seen him place paste into an active beehive and harvest the honey out while the bees started to relax. She thought she heard the buzzing getting less intense.

She watched him pull the comb out and replace the rock. He looked up at her cheerfully offering her the honeycomb. She didn't realize it but her face was slack and emotionless. Blank and void as she looked at the strange comb with strange golden oozing liquid.

She sat there gazing at the honey silently, her face as if made of stone, for longer than she realized. Then suddenly she widened her eyes and took a deep breath in as if she was waking up from a nap, blinking and shaking her head for a moment.

She didn't know how to be friends. She didn't know how to enjoy a friendship doomed for seperation, what would be the point? Well... he was the one who actually wanted to be friends with her first.

Did MotherMoon send him to test her just like how she tested everyone else around her? Her faith in Mother Moon was suspect at best, her parents hadn't really pressed it into her.

She looked from the honey to him... His fur a honey gold marked with black freckles. His eyes a vibrant green and yellow. His demeanor so... gentle.

"Toby?" her voice was small, "Why?" She didn't know if she was asking him why he wanted her to taste the honey, or why he was being so nice if he was bent on heading back "home."

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Photo © Cedric Verstraete / coding © vixxie's codes / lyrics © Shut Up and Dance by Walk The Moon