[Sybella]

s y b e l l a

Weeks have been spent preparing for this.
She was ready.

The night was stealing the last bit of sunlight, temperatures dropping to welcome a stinging breeze. Sybella was comfortable though and there were no complaints. What was there to be bitter about? She sprawled in a thicket of lush grasses and lavender (sworn to help her relax). A canopy of twigs and fallen branches surround her, courtesy of Iron. Where was he, anyway? He'd disappeared to fetch last minute necessities, whatever else she may need, before their arrival. Her children. Their children. Yes, the stars in her sky -- already. This swollen belly of hers was ready to deflate! At last, she would be able to nuzzle her own kin and teach them how to be kind and watch them grow, just as she always dreamed. And she'd have Iron there with her. It felt like life was beginning to have purpose, finally.

Through the occasional discomfort, Sybella could feel herself drifting in and out of sleep. She fought desperately to stay awake, though, but the longer she waited for Iron the heavier her eyes felt.

Heavier... Heavier... and slowly, slumber won.

Until it didn't.

A ripping pain in her side drove her to sit upright, feeling a sense of delirium as she tried to figure out how long she'd been sleeping. It was darker than it'd been before she closed her eyes for the last time, and where was Iron? This pain was so unfamiliar, but she refused to let her anxieties heighten. This was all unfamiliar to her, after all.

The pain deepened and began to take control of her entire abdomen, all of her insides feeling as though they were being torn from inside out. Previously soft, rhythmic breathing became rapid. Red paws reached to crawl out from her nest, looking for a sign from Iron that he was close. The only way she felt she could ease the pain was to push, and so she did. Through clenched teeth and suppressing screams, Sybella pushed. She pushed through tears of pain, digging her paws deep within the soil, feeling the cool loose dirt beneath her toes and under her nails. Each of her five senses was aggravated, feeling every one of her muscles tearing as she fought to relieve the pain that was overcoming her.

Until finally, it was over.

With her chest still heaving, Sybella felt the sharp irritation finally alleviate from her stomach, and noticed six small, dainty figures beside her. Each one angelic in their own way, curled within themselves and each other. Her face couldn't shield her joy, even after the trauma it took to get them here. She nudged one closer to her, urging them to eat. But as she pressed her nose against their soft, wet sides... she noticed that they were limp. "Oh.. Oh, no." She whispered, licking the pup clean, reaching for another.

Limp. Cold.

"No.."

Another. Lifeless.

The next, still.

"NO."

The fourth, the fifth, the sixth, still...

Sybella felt strained, like her breath had been stolen from her and her limbs paralyzed. Her face was wet, but she couldn't hear her sobs. Couldn't feel her heart racing, couldn't align her thoughts. What did she do? Why didn't Harriette see this coming? How did this happen? Where was -- "IRON!" She shrieked between weeping, pulling the six lifeless bodies close to her, rubbing her cheeks lovingly against their small bodies. Calling for Iron over and over, licking them clean. Caring for them, just as a mother should. As a mother would. That's what she was preparing for, what she was ready for. She was a mother.

Until she wasn't.

[akante]

((delete this))

[Iron]

He'd been so nervous lately, a feeling (like most) he wasn't familiar with. He knew that the children...HIS children would be coming soon, and he knew that meant he was going to have to be responsible. Iron was always responsible, of course, but it hadn't always worked out for him in the past. Had he been more superstitious he might have taken note of the fact that death and despair seemed to follow everywhere he went - but that was all just part of the natural cycle of life, not some supernatural force constantly punishing him for existing.

Still. He felt uneasy seeing Sybella so vulnerable, so delicate. He knew it was important to be near her, to support her, but he found excuses to keep away from their peaceful little den. Gathering supplies, making sure his territory was free of dangerous beasts, other busy work that he convinced himself was so very important and had to be done right now, instead of spending time with his pregnant mate. He was out on one of those self-assigned tasks now, gathering clumps of moss to bring back to the den for bedding. It was a very important and serious undertaking, requiring intense concentration and full commitment. Sybella knew he would be away (but never too far), she would be fine. Nothing bad would happen while he wasn't there. Not again.

"IRON!"

The moss he'd been carrying dropped from his mouth, landing soundlessly in the dirt. He barely had time to notice he was moving before he found himself at the entrance of the den, sides heaving and eyes wild. He burst into the den, prepared to fight off whatever monster was threatening his family, only to stop suddenly in his tracks. They were here. He could smell them before his eyes adjusted to the dark - blood, but that was normal, wet fur. As soon as he could see them, he began counting, looking at all the tiny lumps ecstatically - more than he'd expected. His tail wagged, body visibly relaxing as a wave of relief washed over him. Everything was fine. He had...children now. He was a father.

A more sympathetic soul would have wondered why Sybella's scream for him had sounded so agonized.

Iron stepped fully into the den, butting his head against Sybella's in a signature show of affection, figuring the tears on her face were from exhaustion. He turned his head to take a closer look at one of his children.

It wasn't moving.

Jaw tensing, Iron leaned down to poke at it with his nose. He showed no outward reaction to the coldness of the body. He looked at the next child.

He didn't have to feel that one to know the truth.

Dread flooded over his entire being; it was too much. Blackness filled his brain like ink in water - he couldn't think. This wasn't supposed to happen, he was always supposed to know what to do, no matter what, and this was his family, he was supposed to protect them, but how, how, how could this have happened? They'd done everything they were supposed to. His thoughts raced back over the past few months, trying to remember where he'd went wrong. "What...happened?"  he asked, and for once his voice was shaking, betraying the emotions that boiled inside and threatened to overflow.

He turned to look back at Sybella, eyes staring directly into hers and showing...something? Loss. Of all the things that had been taken from him, this was the worst. And of course it was his fault - Sybella would not be in this position if not for him. She wouldn't be suffering, her children wouldn't be dead. "I'm so sorry," he whispered. He didn't know what else to say. He was afraid to touch her. He waited for her to scream at him, to attack him, to send him away. It was what he deserved.

[Sybella]

s y b e l l a

She kept close to her lifeless children until she felt Iron's head press against her, an immense amount of force was used to pull away to face him; a look of defeat worn on her face. Mere moments before he realized the truth of the situation, Sybella was able to witness the look of excitement he had as he thought he was going to meet his own namesake for the first time. But he wasn't, and it was her fault. When he made sense of what was happening, her soul felt even more tarnished, how could she burden his life anymore than she already has?

"What did I do?" Sybella wanted to know as she stared longingly down at the sweet babies she'd lost. All the rules and precautions were followed, every necessary step to be sure healthy pups were delivered was taken. She couldn't help but to feel angry and frustrated with the fact that she wanted this so fucking bad, maybe if she hadn't it wouldn't hurt so much. Within a matter of minutes she was losing control of her life that was only just coming together. She felt like she had so very little to offer Iron, now.

She curled even closer to her babies, her sweet babies, wrapping her body into a tight coil around them as she gave each little soul individualized attention. "I love you," She whispered, "and I love you," to the smallest. Each child got their own sweet sentiment whispered softly into their cool, wet fur. "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry..." Between breaths, she'd cry.

Managing to lift her head, she stared to Iron, unable to stabilize her fits of crying and sporadic breathing. "P..please, don't leave me again. Pl-please stay. Stay with us."

As if she'd realized how long she'd been away from her stillborns (too long), she quickly returned to comforting the lifeless bodies, arranging them gently, each movement careful and slow. "I'm so sorry," She whispered again, unsure if she was apologizing to Iron or to her pups, "I'm so, so sorry."

[Iron]

"What did I do?"

He wished he had an answer. Something, anything to stop the crying. Each sob hit him like a knife in the chest, a reminder of what he'd done this time. His dead children held him like an anchor to the earth as his mind tried to float away. Sybella told them all she loved them, but they were dead, they'd never been alive - so why did looking at them make his breath catch in his throat? They were only bodies, weren't they? Lifeless, empty... they'd never had a chance. Sybella apologized to them now and he wondered why - this was all his fault, wasn't it? He'd done this to her, gotten her hopes up for something she'd wanted more than he ever had, and then he'd let her down. It seemed to be a running theme in his relationships with others. He wondered if things might be easier if he left - he was more than capable of living a solitary life, and he wouldn't be able to hurt anyone else anymore.

"P..please, don't leave me again. Pl-please stay. Stay with us."

Us.

He'd never been part of an "us" before. Looking down at the cold bodies that surrounded them, he wondered if he really was now. He looked back at Sybella. She was still here, still alive. Still warm. "I won't leave," he said quietly, stepping over her small body so that he could lay behind her. She wanted to be near the puppies, but he only wanted to be near her. Careful not to touch her still-swollen belly, he scooted in as close as he could to her back and draped his head over her shoulder. Being near her was comforting, even if he had to be near his children too.

His children.

She was still apologizing to them. "It's not your fault," he breathed into the soft fur on her neck, saying it as much to himself as he was to her. If only he could believe it.