[Kastra]

    He was bad at tracking time. Once Byakko and Raka had passed, he had left the family alone to grieve, give them their space. Mercury had already left, and Kastra felt like he had to seek her out, but was it a good time? It had been maybe an hour, or maybe only half an hour, he wasn’t sure. Instead of returning to the castle he had found a quiet secluded spot to try and think things over. This was the second death in his life, but it was the first one he had seen in person. Somehow he felt drained, distant. He didn’t like the feeling. After some time had passed, he got to his paws, sniffing at the air and trying to find Mercury’s scent. Even if she wanted to be alone, Kastra didn’t. He no longer had his own parents or siblings to turn to, all he had was her.

    She obviously knew this land better, even if Kastra had just been on the patrol to ‘discover’ the territory. As he walked he thought about how this was her birthplace, as well as his mothers. That was right, wasn’t it? His memories didn’t feel very trustworthy at the moment, for some reason. He picked up her scent, slowly following, hoping she hadn’t kept up a run the entire time. As he went the scent became stronger as he got closer to a lake (Hermit’s Lake). The last time the two had really talked, he had been teaching her the new ranks and ways of Nardir. But now that was the past, and everything had changed. He almost felt like a pup going to its adult, seeking comfort and love.

    “Mercury?” His call was gentle. Kastra walked beside the lake until he would find her. From her appearance, she was upset the same as everyone else. He tried to think of himself in her paws, but the thoughts couldn’t properly form. He just knew that she felt sad, upset, and general shittiness. As he would get closer, his eyes would drift around, not sure where to look, and his voice coming out awkward. “I, uh. I feel...sad?” His eyes darted onto her for a moment, as if a plea to bring comfort. Without even realizing, he could feel the phantom memories of laying beside his mother’s belly, his siblings’ bodies pretty against him on either side. The feeling was quickly gone with a gust of wind, and he awkwardly stepped closer to his aunt, looking for something that he couldn’t give himself.

[Mercury]

The Dark Moon Queen of Nardir                 ☿ "Being brave means to know something is scary, difficult, and dangerous, and doing it anyway, because the possibility of winning the fight is worth the chance of losing it. - Emilie Autumn

Mercury wasn't sure if she'd had too little time alone, or too much.  She had ran until she thought her lungs would fail, and stumbled down the path that ended at the lakeshore.  This place was less familiar, not as remembered.  Hermit's Pond lay tucked back into the mountains, almost as far south as they could go before hitting the southern edge of Nardir's territory.  The peaks climbed steeply until they frosted far up, out of sight.  Their snowmelt fed the pond, which was cold, even in the height of summer.  She bent to drink, the icy water hitting her stomach like she'd swallowed a knife.  Training taught her not to drink too much, too quickly.  Like she had been doing since she dropped her mask, she let her muscle memory guide her.  Slow, shallow laps, held in her mouth before she swallowed.  Then she sunk down in the sand, staring out at the water, listening to sounds of the world that was at peace when she felt none herself.

It wasn't exactly sleep, it was simply atrophy.  The Dark Moon lay stretched out on the bank, her eyes staring blankly out at nothing.  Memories played in her mind, old memories, worn and faded so that there were pieces that were missing altogether.  Once again she was keenly aware of how much she had lost, how much she had missed.  Too late, far too late for anything else now.  Raka and Byakko had died of old age, choosing their time and accepting it when they were ready.  It was the living who were not ready.  While Akutan's attitude left much to be desired, Mercury had cherished Byakko's insight and advice.  The old warrior had been a steadfast mentor and friend. But time had worn him, and much of the mentor she had loved was gone.  Even their relationship had declined, crumbling with age and disuse.  It was the way of the world, but it was a pain Mercury had not felt in a long time.

How long before she was alone again?  She thought of Kodiak, and winced a bit.  She'd asked for his help, but then she'd ran.  Truth be told, she wasn't sure of what to do with him.  When they had lived together, it had been a group setting where there had been a higher power.  Their human had decided where they went, what they did, even... how friendly members became.  Now there were suddenly no barriers, and like when she had all the freedom in the world, Mercury really just wanted someone else to show her the way.  She had never had blind faith in the Mother Moon, but she had hoped that her dream meant that she was home, that the land and the people would magically revert to the hazy ideal of her youth.  Nothing was ever the same, and what was lost to time could not be recovered.  Even here, even home, she felt isolated.

"Mercury?"

A voice called her name over the water and the Dark Moon lifted her head to see Kastra walking towards her.  Her sister's son. Mercury had initially been confused, and Alana's explanation had been as vague and ambiguous as: "He is what he chooses to be."  So Mercury had accepted the introduction that Kastra was Alana's son, female or otherwise.  What others would have made a mountain, Mercury had stepped over with more tact and indifference than at an actual molehill.  At least moles you could eat.  But as for Kastra, Mercury had less of an idea of what to do.  She had never really been around children.  When she was young, she had gone to train with warriors, her softer siblings staying with Hakan in their garden.  Artemis's litter was one she had never gotten to know.  Now Alana's brood was grown and gone, except for one.

"I, uh. I feel...sad?"

Mercury looked up at him and gave him a small, sad smile.

"As am I, Moonling." she said softly.

Without speaking any further, she shifted her weight to make it easier for him to lay beside her. She was still laying in the sand, and dropped her head onto her paws.  If he chose, he could join her on the beach.

☿

[Kastra]

    He wasn’t sure if he was in the right to seek her out, but he did, his eyes watching his aunt as he felt his throat tighten at moments. He wasn’t sure how much longer he could actually speak without his voice breaking. Even though he had barely known Raka and Byakko, it felt entirely wrong for them to be gone. They might not have been family, but the X-Clan was one of the life sources of Nardir. They had always been around. He had always put off seeking them out because it never truly occurred to him that one day they wouldn’t be there. And now it was too late. So many should haves.

    "As am I, Moonling." Kastra walked next to his aunt, laying down next to her. Mercury put her head on her paws, and Kas glanced around awkwardly, before slowly and gently placing his head along her scruff. For a good while he would be quiet, trying to get his bearings. He wasn’t sure if tears were dripping down his face, but he felt like they might be. Something in him wanted to deny the idea of such feelings, and hoped his aunt wouldn’t take any notice. If she did, he hoped she would stay quiet about it. He felt it wasn’t very princely to cry, no matter how sad. They had to be the strong ones for Nardir.

    He’d finally pull his head back, giving a small sniffle. “I don’t know how to feel.” It was obvious that his throat was tight, and he was almost forcing his words out. “I don’t know how to deal with it.” He looked at Mercury, hoping she might have an answer. Something in his heart said she wouldn’t, no one would, and it made the pain worse. He felt like a child again, saddened by Bulan’s death. Back then he had his family and cried, but now he was in a strange place, and didn’t know where to go. His mother and father and siblings were gone, and he was left here, with an aunt he barely knew but wanted to know.  

[Mercury]

The Dark Moon Queen of Nardir                 ☿ "Being brave means to know something is scary, difficult, and dangerous, and doing it anyway, because the possibility of winning the fight is worth the chance of losing it. - Emilie Autumn

Kastra came to lay with her, and she sighed as he rested his head on her shoulders.  How long had it been since she had laid in someone else's embrace?  She supposed it had been when she had talked to Adolph after finding the pack.  That was... a while ago.  The Dark Moon leaned back against him with a comforting pressure, giving what words never could.  The sensation of not being entirely alone.  They lay in silence for a while, listening to the small waves created by the lakeside breeze.  Time seemed to stop, the landscape on a gentle, continuous loop.  Perhaps for the first time, but not for the last, they shared the sensation of a heavy crown.  They had not discussed it, but Mercury thought that the prince simply knew he was to lead.  He certainly acted like it.  Independent, but mindful of others.  After all, Kastra could have cried, but he was willing himself not to.

"I don’t know how to feel. I don’t know how to deal with it.

She could empathize.  Mercury's first experience with death had been learning that not just one, but both of her parents were gone. She remembered the feeling of shock at seeing the bones at Kokutan's feet.  She may have been the blood of his blood, but until then, Kyril had been her father.  But Mercury had not been thinking of what she would do.  She had been concerned of what Alana would feel.  Mercury had pushed it aside, locked it away, and strapped her spine with borrowed steel.  She did what she always did.  She lied.  But feeling Kastra there, asking her how she stayed strong... she found she could not lie to him.  His head would hold the crown, and to lie to him was to leave him unequipped.  Would leave a gap in his armor.  And she would never let her future king go unguarded to battle.

"Your mother had just become Queen when Kokutan called Alexander, she and I to inform us that our parents bones had been found."  Mercury began, not really answering his question, but feeling that the only thing she could do was share a piece of their history.  "He told us that they had died of sickness. Rather than introduce the plague, Shenandoah made the decision to isolate them.  My mother was a healer, if there had been a cure, she would have produced it.  They made the decision to die, rather than risk the pack."

She stopped, drawing in a ragged breath.  She hadn't spoken of this to anyone since it had happened.  She and Alana hadn't even talked about it to each other.  What she was about to tell her nephew she had kept from his mother their entire lives.  Yet it felt right to tell him, to give him a piece that he could relate to.  To lay the first brick of a strong foundation.

"I felt like I was falling. The earth seemed to open beneath my feet, as though everything that held me up had suddenly crumbled.  Despite Kokutan's assurances he was there for us, we were suddenly alone." 

This hurt.  She didn't want to talk about it.  She wanted to get up and walk way.  But just like then, when she'd stood rooted to the spot with Lana pressed into her side, Lex's weight adding to the pressure.  She had been pushing back, the only force that kept them from toppling over.  Someone always had to push back.  So she pushed on.


"We had to inform the pack.  As leaders, it was our job. Lex offered to do it for us, to spare Alana and I a moment for ourselves. I was inclined to let him, but your mother said we all should tell them, together." 

It had been one of the last times the three of them had been together.  Alexander had disappeared not long after.  She still didn't know where he'd been, and while he had returned, the answers had not come home with him.  So it was.  Pieces fell through the cracks, becoming lost forever.

"Death makes us forget the light of life, instead letting darkness into hearts in a haze of grief.  To return the light, you must fight the darkness.  Alone if necessary." 

When all others succumbed, they were not allowed the luxury.

☿

[Kastra]

    "Your mother had just become Queen when Kokutan called Alexander, she and I to inform us that our parents bones had been found." Alana hadn’t really spoken of her parents death. The prince knew of them, knew their names and so on. But it was probably even hard for Alana to speak of. "He told us that they had died of sickness. [...] They made the decision to die, rather than risk the pack." Even if he had not experienced such a thing, he understood that it must have been awful. But it was also brave of them. Kastra wasn’t sure what he would have done. Mercury had taken a shaky intake, and he tried to press closer to her. She went on, sharing how she felt from the time.

    "We had to inform the pack. As leaders, it was our job. Lex offered to do it for us, to spare Alana and I a moment for ourselves. I was inclined to let him, but your mother said we all should tell them, together." Was it stupid to compare such a thing as to Kastra staying at Byakko’s funeral, because he is Prince? He could have heard, come of known of Byakko’s passing, and mourned alone in his den. Instead out of duty he had pulled himself to his feet, to the land that was soon after marked as Byakko’s grave. No, it probably wasn’t the same, but he still drew comparisons.

    "Death makes us forget the light of life, instead letting darkness into hearts in a haze of grief. To return the light, you must fight the darkness. Alone if necessary." There was some kind of relief feeling over taking him, but he didn’t know why. She had told him a story, told him of a time she could relate to now. He softly shook his head, trying to drive back emotions that keep reappearing. “Is there anything we should do? Or can do?” He felt like there had to be something to put them at ease. “We should...We need to work on our kingdom.” He barely even gave her time to answer his question. “We’ve just barely gone through this land. We need...border stations. A garden, or something.” His words didn’t seem focused, coming from a place of dealing with grief by working. He looked at his Queen to see what she thought. 

[Mercury]

The Dark Moon Queen of Nardir                 ☿ "Being brave means to know something is scary, difficult, and dangerous, and doing it anyway, because the possibility of winning the fight is worth the chance of losing it. - Emilie Autumn

Is there anything we should do? Or can do? We should...We need to work on our kingdom. We’ve just barely gone through this land. We need...border stations. A garden, or something.

Mercury gave him a satisfied smile. The look on Kastra's face full of concentration and determination. While she knew the grief was still there, it was gone from his features. She had seen so much in Alana, but now, with the past on her mind, he looked like Alexander. Never would she think to compare him to herself. But the need to work, the desire to be useful, productive... the need to feel in control.  That was a feeling she knew well.

"Your great grandmother, Vaidya, made a grand healer's garden.  If you would like, I am sure Hakan would appreciate learning of it's condition.  We could scout it for ourselves." She suggested.

☿