[Charley]

K y r a,

Oh don't you dare look back, Just keep your eyes on me
I said you're holding back, She said shut up and dance with me

actions - “speech” - thoughts

The pounding headache wasn't helping things. The tension in her jaws was making everything worse and she didn't know if her clenching was from the butterflies in her stomach, the state of the union, or because she couldn't find anything to fucking EAT around here. She was a lousy fisher and it seemed like it was the only thing she wanted to eat around here.

Kyra had been avoiding Akutan. With the Generals passing her heart ached every time she smelled the x-clan. The fact that Akutan had just... left, had not even tried to get her attention to go with him to see Byakko and Raka, barely acknowledge her when she showed up with her dad, and then... and then not even pursue her? Not even try to get her attention enough to see if they could console each other? Was he even concerned that she hadn't been eating lately? Moody? Off? Was he even AWARE that she had been yarking at every opportunity or looking queasy every now and then?

Her dad knew. She was sure of it. He had been pushing sweet leaves and this interesting root, that she actually liked, at her for days now. It was probably the one thing that was keeping her going until she finally caved and ate a godawful pheasant, not that it did much because she'd yark half of it up an hour later. Bleh.

She was hunting because she had nothing better to do and had to keep her mind off things. She was keeping a steady silent slinking pace along the forest floor, stalking a rustling just ahead of her.
Maybe Buckshot had got some of those fish traps up by now. She'll bring Sara and the kids a pheasant. Stars know she's good at catching those damn things, and the kids'll probably like the feathers. Maybe she can ask Buck to get his butt in gear for those traps. Stars know she can't rely on her "lover" to even notice her anymore.

Hah Gotcha! She thought as she made a clean feathery kill before it took flight. She started to make her way back to the dens. Bleh the smell was already turning her stomach. If she never had to eat one of these things again it would be too soon. She thought as the bird dangled from her jaws.

If she voiced any of these thoughts about Akutan to her father he'd just turn it around and tell her to buck up and take it up with the guy himself.
Fine.
It was about time he knew anyway, looks like these kids are set on sticking around, might as well make it official.


She came into view of The Castle and paused briefly. She actually liked the central activity. She could tell where everyone was, mostly, and she loved the gossip of the place. Being so close to everyone one made it easy to keep friends. She knew everyones dens, and could even see Mercury's den and then saw her Dad making the rounds. He was probably checking on the kiddos, again. Well, those aren't going to be the only kids running around anymore.

She made her way to Sara's den at the Castle and dropped off the gift for the pacifist who wouldn't hunt. If Sara was there Kyra would ask if she knew where Akutan was. If Akutan was there (or at least easily found) she would give him a look. Not the "come hither" look she normally kept for him, no. It was the "we need to speak" look with the hint of "boiling pot of water", before starting to approach him.

ooc @Sekirei

Photo © Cedric Verstraete / coding © vixxie's codes / lyrics © Shut Up and Dance by Walk The Moon

[Sekirei]

Sara was checking out Akutan's flank. After he ran afoul of a bear on his mission, her cousin's flank wasn't looking too hot. The bear had gotten him good. He was likely going to have a permanent limp to go along with the scarring. As if losing her father wasn't enough. When Kyra came towards them, Sara observed her overall countenance. She nudged her cousin and he looked up at his mate. She didn't look happy with him and he knew why. Or he suspected the reason at least. He wordlessly looked at Sara for permission. Given he was her patient, she had the authority to give that permission or tell him no. "I can finish later. Do not get rough with it. Thank you for the pheasant, Kyra." she said. She took the bird and headed over to where Ticon was playing with her kids. 

"Might as well ream me, since you look like you're going to take my head off." Akutan said, his voice emotionless. Between losing Byakko and the bear attack, he was struggling with mild trauma. He emoted way less and was generally trapped in his own head, trying to keep himself from falling to pieces. His left flank was throbbing. Still, he met Kyra's bi-colored gaze evenly and prepared himself the best he could. He felt like a wreck and probably looked like one, too.

[Charley]

K y r a,

Oh don't you dare look back, Just keep your eyes on me
I said you're holding back, She said shut up and dance with me

actions - “speech” - thoughts

The bright red woman barely heard Sara's gratitude for the meal as the healer walked passed her. The water boiling between her ears was reaching fever pitch. He had the gall to defer whether or not they had a conversation to her. She saw that look and read between the lines just fine.

She was shaking as she glanced at the wound on his flank, that damn bear.
She couldn't take it,
She snarled, "REAM YOU?" She snapped at him, saliva flying. She had been bottling it up and setting it aside, he had enough on his shoulders, he had enough going on, he had his rank on the line, he was always like this, he was always in his head, he was he was he was! WHAT ABOUT HER? She didn't care the rest of the pack would hear her plain as day at the bustling Castle.

"You barely give me the time of day and you have the BALLS to think I'm just coming around to TAKE YOUR HEAD OFF FOR NO REASON??" She swung her head wildly. Waving off any potential interruption as she took a step forward. Maybe she should take his head off just for shoving it so far up his ass in the first place.

"You practically begged me to be mates. Now here we are and I barely get an idea what's actually happening between those lame excuses for ears. I've been off for WEEKS Akutan! And then that damn bear shows up and lays you out. Then... THEN..." She was breathing hard, blinking and looking away from him. She was just beside herself with how much it hurt when she realized it. "Then you just LEFT ME, YOU LEFT ME when Byakko and and Raka... When they... Left! They Died! YOU LEFT ME to DO THAT BY MYSELF. Thats a major life event Akutan! Something a couple would go through together!" She was panting and her whole body was shaking, her stomach churning and it felt worse than before. She had to calm herself before something happened. Shakily she took a few breaths, slowing her rhythm but having a hard time quelling her rage. She took a deep breath in and with only a little more control of her tone, she continued,

"So far you've been making it pretty damn clear you don't actually need me in your life. You don't talk to me, you don't ask for me, you don't do anything with me! Was I just a convenience for you? The only girl around that wasn't related and actually gave you a flicker of attention? You seem to have enough support without me, I just happen to be unrelated and better fucking breeding stock than your cousin!" She practically spit out those last few words and feeling the churning rise again.

"Don't you dare interrupt now, I'm NOT fucking DONE." She would snap if he dared to get a word in. The interest of the residents of Nardir would certainly be piqued but she was not just trying to put on some kind of show, she was done bottling this up and his look between himself and Sara lit the fuse to the time bomb that had started growing in her belly.

"HOW THE HELL am I supposed to know you're going to show up for YOUR OWN DAMN KIDS if your not even going to show up for ME." She growled. Finally looking at him accusatory, hoping he'd get this last one hint thrown at his face before she literally had to spell it out for him.

ooc So this was rough, and I know you're having a rough go of it in RL so its ok if we set this aside for a bit or take it really slow.

Photo © Cedric Verstraete / coding © vixxie's codes / lyrics © Shut Up and Dance by Walk The Moon

[Sekirei]

Kyra's suddenly shouting caused Akutan to jump hard enough to jar his leg. Kyra's behavior had caught Sara's attention but it was Akutan's yelp that shoved the normally-pacifist Sara into action. She observed and listened, waiting for the best moment to step in, while being mindful that Akutan was taking all this heat at a very bad time. More than that, Kyra was making a scene in front of Sara's kids, which didn't sit well with her as a mother. When Kyra dropped a not-so-subtle hint she was expecting Akutan's pups, the white wolf could no longer sit idle.

"Okay, that is enough. I will not allow this harassment of my patient to continue. Kyra, I don't care how right you might be in this situation but this is unacceptable behavior and you need to back off before I get Ticon to make you. You're embarrassing yourself. I will not abide you talking this way in front of my kids and I feel ashamed for the ones you're carrying." Sara said, her tone stone cold professional. Even if Kyra snapped at her, the healer wasn't going to stand down or be intimidated. She would just level her blue eyes on the bigger she-wolf. "If you don't stand down right now, I will get your father involved and I know he'd back me up on this. I'm not letting you get in the way of my job to get Akutan back on his feet. If you're going to be detrimental to his recovery, I will have you removed. Now, get a hold of yourself for your pups' sake." she said, her tone still calm and professional but her eyes were shining with her intentions of carrying out both her threats.

She was about to step aside before pausing. "And don't you dare use my parents' death as a weapon again. If you think Akutan did you wrong by "forgetting" you, then you have no idea what he's really like or capable of. I do. When his mother died, do you know what Akutan did to me? He nearly snapped my neck in two. He had my ruff in his jaws before anyone could react, shook me, and then threw me hard to the ground. And guess what? I forgave him anyway. Compared to when I saw him at his absolute worst, his actions after Aunt Starfire passed were nothing in comparison. Not thinking of you is the best you can hope for." she added, almost as an afterthought. Turning her back, Sara went to check on Akutan's flank, laser-focused on her work and not giving a hoot if Kyra said anything to her. 

Akutan, during all that, was staring at his cousin if he had never seen her before in his life. To be perfectly honest, he was more scared of Sara than he was of Kyra at the moment. His tongue felt like lead, almost afraid to speak in case he set either female off. Then, as expected, his mind started internalizing everything Kyra had said before Sara intervened. So yeah, he didn't think about her when Rapture cued him into Byakko and Raka's impending deaths. He wasn't sure how he could work on that at the moment but once he got some space from everyone, he could start figuring it out. As for him begging to be Kyra's mate, that didn't seem right. She came onto him first and she made it clear that she didn't mind his darkness. That was wrong, apparently, because her behavior just now left the impression she actually did. His darkness was more than just the thoughts he had. It also embodied his shortcomings, such as his intense focus when things like death came to the fore.

Then he focused on the fact that Kyra had just admitted she was pregnant and her insinuation that he looked at Sara in any other way than family made him visibly balk. His flinch caused Sara to outright glare at him while she addressed his flank. Talk about being caught between a rock and a hard place. What was he supposed to say? Kyra was obviously fishing for an apology from him for just being himself when things like death were involved but he couldn't help but feel he was asking for his throat to be torn out if he did. Finding out he was going to be a father was huge but given the situation, bringing that up first would probably see him thrown over the side of a nearby mountain. He didn't see how anything he could say would diffuse the situation because he was virtually dead no matter what.

The crashing waves of stress he had been holding back for so finally came down. Akutan was hit by a migraine and his stomach decided to turn on him as well, causing him to expel everything. Sara was startled out of her focused state when that happened. When he was done, Akutan looked at the mess and he finally broke. "DAMN IT! I'M TRYING! BUT ALL I AM IS ONE MASSIVE SCREW-UP WHO CAN'T DO A FUCKING THING RIGHT NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRY!" he exploded. He pulled himself to his paws. His injury screamed in protest but he didn't notice. He lashed out at Sara, who didn't move in time. His teeth closed on her ruff but before he could do anything more, he was immediately tackled away by Ticon who used his own teeth to pin his neck to the ground. That snapped the patriarch out of his haze.

"Please...just let me die already...I can't...I can't do this anymore...I just want to die..." he sobbed. His paws weakly scratched at the dirt. Ticon kept him pinned but his own ice blue eyes were shining with tears as well. The healer slowly looked over at Kyra as a realization dawned on her. Both females had been in easy reach of her half-mad cousin and Kyra was the instigator. Why had he gone at Sara instead? Because she wasn't pregnant, least of all with his pups. Even in that state, he recognized the unborn as something to protect. So he went at a more acceptable target. Had Ticon not intervened, it was likely the healer was going to meet the Black Wolf sooner than any of them would've wanted. Then Akutan would be tossed to the winds for murder and he would likely find a way to off himself because he would've lost everything in a moment of madness.

Sara wondered if Kyra realized that. Akutan loved her enough that he got the crazy idea to remove his own cousin from the world of the living so their pups didn't suffer his mental breakdown instead. Sara realized that she would always be the sacrificial lamb in rare cases like this. All because she wouldn't defend herself and needed someone to save her. Breathing somewhat hard to keep a hold of her own emotions, she let her healer persona take over again. Akutan was foaming at the mouth a little as he weakly tried to get free. Ticon was falling apart as well. "Hang in there, Ticon. You're doing great. Just keep him down so I can finish this." she said, soothingly. A sharp intake of breath from the monochrome wolf was her only reply as he broke down, keep his teeth firmly in his friend's ruff. Sara went back to checking on her cousin's wound, finding peace and comfort in her duty. She also made a note to give Ticon some TLC since Stella had disappeared again and he didn't really have anyone else.

Still...she was expecting the firecracker to make a further scene if Akutan completely losing it didn't scare her into silence. He wasn't known for lashing out like that and this was only the third time Sara had seen him get low enough to cause physical harm. The first time was when Starfire died. The second time was that incident, the one they made a pact to keep between them and never talked about. Akutan was permanently dysfunctional. He could take steps to improve how he interacted with others moving forward but he was bound to fail just as much. That was just the reality of all that Kyra needed to accept.

[Charley]

Well that didn't go well...

Kyra, Hakan

At that very moment, Kyra was accepting none of it.
When Sara interjected she bared her teeth and growled, her blazing red fur starting to bristle.

"Okay, that is enough. I will not allow --- and I feel ashamed for the ones you're carrying." The remark of how Sara was ashamed for Kyra's new brood bit into the red woman like a poisoned dagger where it would fester.

"You dare-" Kyra started before Sara continued, apparently not finished as well,
"If you don't stand down right now, I will get your father --- Not thinking of you is the best you can hope for." "

"BITE ME!" Kyra snarled back, fighting to keep the tears she thought she had run out of from coming back. Did no one understand how much Byakko had meant to her too? How much her chest still hurts from all the damage of that day? Does anyone even care that Kyra looked haggard, thin, grief stricken, her usually tidy and glossy fur, grimy and stuck at odd places? Go ahead and call her father! Why didn't Akutan kill Sara then? Why did this bitch think she could intercede for him, AGAIN and make this distance she was already having with her mate gape ever wider? She needed to BUTT OUT.

Then Akutan puked. Then Akutan yelled. Then the dark shadow with silver paws, who had at one point enthralled and thrilled Kyra, grabbed his cousin just the way she had said he had done in the past. Then Ticon pinned him. Then Akutan wailed about wanting to die.

Kyra was done.  He was making it all about himself again, she was too weak and angry and hurt to really comprehend exactly what was happening. It all became static in her ears and she couldn't help the sob escape her as she turned tail and ran.
She turned the corner and ran straight into her father who was rushing to see what happened.

"Kyra! Wh-"
"Its over, its over, it's over!" She wailed loudly in his chest, shaking and swaying and driving her head as hard as she could into him.

"Woah woah. hang on hang on, shhhh, shhh. It's ok." He soothed looking around, wide eyed, seeing who else might have been involved or who was eavesdropping. He tilted his head to peer around the corner and saw the mess of Akutan and Sara and Ticon. He had heard the loud snippets of the conversation and as soon as he heard his daughters "bite me" comment he was coming to intervene anyway. It looked like to him that Sara had the clan under control. He'll check in on them later for sure. For now, Kyra desperately needed him. Without saying another word he led her to the den. She leaned heavily on him, crying loudly, too distraught to care who saw her. She usually hated people to see her cry but it was all too much. Hormones did wonders for the emotionally stable on a good day, this was not a good day, and she wasn't technically mentally stable to begin with.

He silently urged her to lay down, knowing that if he told her audibly to do anything she would balk and rebel, especially in this state. He busied himself with his stores, he crushed a few dried flowers of lavender and chamomile, not too much lavender as it could cause her womb to contract early. Then made her a paste from the herbs he was giving her on a daily basis, especially since she was having such a hard time with food.

Meanwhile she cried in a heap on the floor.

"I knew it!" She wailed, "I knew we couldn't do it. I knew it. I even told him! I told him I could be too much, I told him I was going to fuck this up. I knew he'd just get tired of me!" She buried her face into her arms, face down into the dirt and cried into the earth.

Just as Hakan was about to sit down with her and offer her the herbs, she jumped up with a yip! Suddenly she looked queasy and bolted out of the den to dry heave and cry into a bush in full sight of everyone.

Hakan came up beside her and leaned on her, he rested his head on her old injury in her back from the earthquake and pressed down with a gentle force. She stopped heaving and stood there shaking, the crying had eased.

"I think I really felt them..." She spoke quietly, sniffling and leaning back into her father,
"I can't do this alone." She felt the tears rising up again.

Hakan hushed her, not to really silence her but to comfort her. He spoke low and slow. Others nearby would be able to hear his familiar warm voice.
"You won't be alone. You're not alone. Its ok to ask for help, especially with this. You haven't eaten, your exhausted, and your only half a moon in. In another two moon cycles you'll get to meet them. And even then your not going to be alone in raising them."

"Two more moons!? UGH!" Kyra exclaimed loudly, she was going to be fighting her body for TWO MORE MOONS?

"Now," Hakan continued as he started to subtly usher her back to the den for rest and herbs and privacy, "Maybe bringing all this up with him now might not have been a great plan?" He looked at her for confirmation or rebellion.
"You told me to talk to him!" She sniffed getting angry again,
"Yes, talk to him... I was hoping you would go the gentler route what with him in that state and everything that's happened."
"You didn't see it! Sara-"

Hakan raised an eyebrow while he pushed the herbs to her. Like an incredulous child Kyra stomped back into the den and lapped up the paste. At least it soothed the fluttering in her stomach making her want to puke again.
"If you want to work on this relationship then save your fight mode for real fighting. If you have a problem with your partner always remember that it's you and your partner against the problem, fight together, not against each other."

Kyra was starting to shut him out again and getting angry, "What do you know? You were the one who woke me up that morning!"

Hakan took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them he reflexively stared at a bright moonstone sitting on a shelf. He couldn't help his own sad sigh escape him.

"When you went there today, what did you hope for?" he asked finally turning back to her. She was looking at the ground again, as if she was about to cry again. Why was it so easy to cry lately?

She first mumbled an idunno but he just sat there waiting for her to fill the space.
"I don't... i wanted an apology. A reason. I... I wanted him to see me. Why does it feel like he doesn't notice me anymore? I'm afraid..." She sighed and looked at her dad with watery glassy eyes, "Now that he knows I'm pregnant I'm worried that's all I was good for to him. I thought we would do this tough stuff together but he doesn't even come to me!" And Hakan silently gave her the look that said, And what the hell did you just do that makes it hard for him come to you????

She looked away and squeezed her eyes tightly shut. Trying to shut out anything he might say as advice. Why was she so opposed to it?
"Kyra..." Hakan said, leaning down and placing his paws over hers. "Sweetheart, you can't keep running away."

"You did..." She whispered darkly back at him and it pierced him like the dagger she knew it would be.
"That really hurt." He said bluntly, "I did in a lot of ways. Some of my absence was not entirely my fault. And I'm truly sorry I abandoned you. I really don't think Akutan is doing that here." The Exile was still with them all in some ways. Maybe this new generation growing within her would be the last to feel its effects.

Something finally broke. Something finally came crumbling down and she scrunched up her face to keep from crying again but it was a different kind of cry this time. She crumpled into her father and finally finally released years of heartache.

ooc Thread Closed, thanks for letting me monologue.

Photo © Wes Hicks / modified coding © vixxie's codes