[Gerar]

G e r a r,

If you take a deeper look you'll find the i n f o r m a t i o n
I'm only just a figment of controlled i m a g i n a t i o n

actions - “speech” - thoughts

(mood music: https://youtu.be/bBngPxVK-Xw )

Fires. Earthquakes. Heartbreak. Gerar forgot what order it all happened in now. All he knew was that he'd lost so much and the pain was too real. Harlem had disappeared and even though he knew she wasn't his anymore he still needed to know where she was, if she was safe. 

He'd slipped away from Tortuga in all the commotion and went looking for her, and any of the kids that might be out there. In the end he'd spent a lot of time wandering around in circles with no leads and no hope. The lonliness set in and he longed for familiar faces, family or no. He'd even wondered where his mother might be.. if she were still alive, or any of his siblings. If he knew where to look he might have gone to her (he didn't know why..)

In the end he found his way back to home. Home wasn't where it used to be.. But home is where your loved ones are, and if you haven't any loved ones then old aquaintences are the next best thing. Home was Tortuga, where ever they landed. Wrayth would be there, some how he was the one constant thing in his life, and Gerar's pace picked up a little at the thought of fishing again with his old friend.

He still disliked the sea, and he snorted in derision (or fear) when he saw the island so far away from shore and the bridge that connected it to the safe part of the world he was standing on. Every crash of the waves against land made his heart swell, he didn't like the feeling. There was no turning back now though, not after he was so close.

He howled deep and long, hoping any of them would hear it, the ones he was here for. Wrayth. Eremiel. Niklaus. Tyche. Pandora... He shouldn't hope to see Harlem and Quiver again, but he couldn't help hoping a little bit, now that he was here. He would be happy to see anyone familiar.

ooc  what even is coding

forest graphic © m-adking / coding © vixxie's codes

[Dixie]

    After running into Sunny on the borders, Dixie found herself wandering close to the land bridge in hopes of finding another pretty girl. She also knew that the pack was rebuilding, still, and she could help play the part of border guard. She knew Tortuga, knew what they needed, and she could determine who should be let in. It would be easy for her. The dog came close to the land bridge once again, after hearing a howl. Something about it rang familiar, and drew her attention in even though she could tell the voice probably didn’t belong to a pretty girl. No, as she stood at the top of the land bridge, looking down at the one on the border, she knew who it was.

    The newly appointed Shark made her way on the bridge, almost excited. It was a call for celebration when an old member returned, at least in her mind. With everything that had happened, not everyone who went missing wanted to be that way. They were slowly making their ways back to Tortuga, and into the new home. Dixie stopped at the bottom, smiling at the person she knew. “Gerar.” She said, recalling his children. She knew all the kids that were born into Tortuga since she first joined, and she had known his children as well. Would she have to be the one to tell him they weren’t around? That they didn’t know? And that Harlem wasn’t here either (Dixie had a crush on her, but she wasn’t one to steal).

    “Did you get lost? Are you okay?” A lot had changed since she had last seen him. No, they had not been friends, but she had been apart of raising his children, and they had both been apart of Tortuga and both had worked hard. Even if they didn’t know each other, after so long it was nice to see a familiar face. Even if there would be pain in having to relive what had happened by possibly being the one to tell him what all had happened, she still wanted him back in the pack. She had a soft spot for older Tortuga members, and she wanted to bring them back in. Gerar was not a traitor, just a lost boy who had found his way home.

[Gerar]

G e r a r,

If you take a deeper look you'll find the i n f o r m a t i o n
I'm only just a figment of controlled i m a g i n a t i o n

actions - “speech” - thoughts

The waiting was the worst. Always the worst.

His mind took him down memory lane, through every instance of guilt and regret he felt for failing his family, but the hardest moments were when he thought of the good times. He thought of moments tangled up with Harlem. Her smell, her smile, the way she teased him at times and comforted him at others. How hard she tried... How much she did for him. Sometimes he imagined if he wanted it enough he could have it all back. And other times it hurt until he turned numb.

He didn't want to be alone with his thoughts anymore, he knew it was wrong to try and wish her back to him, he knew he didn't deserve her. But when he was alone the was a 50/50 chance the cloud false hope crept around him.

He wasn't really expecting to see her first... If at all. So he wasn't disappointed when he saw the little dog mix. He was grateful to see anyone at this moment, his tail wagged just a little even though he had never been a tail wagger. He wasn't one for showing emotion even when he felt it strongly.

"Dixie." 

Hers was a face unique among Tortuga, he'd never had any close interaction with her but he knew of her, and through his friendship with Tes her name had come up often enough to stick.

His ears flipped back when she questioned him, bottom lip puckered forward in the usual way when he was trying to decide what to say.

“Yes.” A pause.  "And no."

His old fear of the dangers of Tortuga was mild, almost non existent, he missed everything so much he blocked out all of the negative emotions he'd used to feel. His heart was so empty he couldn't make him self care anyway, even if there was a chance of punishment or even death. He'd rather be here then anywhere else, and he'd rather be with anyone then be alone.

“I looked for Harlem... And Quiver.”

He expected her to deduce for herself whether he was successful by the fact that he was here now, alone.

His tongue flicked out the side of his mouth nervously. “Are.. Are they here?”

ooc  

forest graphic © m-adking / coding © vixxie's codes

[Dixie]

    ”Dixie.” Good, he remembered her. There had been the worry that he wouldn’t remember Tortuga, at least not really. But if he could place her name, then he remembered most, she bet. Dixie already knew she wasn’t going to turn Gerar away, even if he had some new baggage. She then had asked if he got lost, and if he was okay. ”Yes.” He had been lost, which was no surprise. Tortuga moved a lot. ”And no.” Was he actually hurt or sick, or was it just emotional? Dixie walked forward some, sniffing the air around him for possible wounds or sickness, but couldn’t place anything.

    “I looked for Harlem... And Quiver.” Dixie felt herself frown, just because she knew where this was going to go. She was going to be the one to tell him no one was with them anymore, as far as she knew. Maybe it would be nice for him to know that Dixie had never seen their bodies, had never seen them dead. Gerar was nervous, and Dixie was already feeling that way too. “Are.. Are they here?” Dixie looked away, taking a moment to think on her wording. Either way, he wasn’t going to exactly be happy with what she had to say, but she couldn’t even blame him. Tortuga was...different. She suspected that she and him would be the oldest standing members in Tortuga soon enough.

    “I’m sorry.” It was words from one parent to another. “They aren’t here, but they might be alive somewhere.” Give him some hope, right? Even after he had looked for them, and failed to find them. But the world was big. It was a spark of hope that felt good to have, instead of thinking of a loved one dying without their family. “Do you want to come back? Join Tortuga again?” There was no way in hell she was turning him away. Besides, with the new alphas probably having not met Gerar before, there would be nothing to happen if Gerar had abandoned Tortuga - and Dixie didn’t care if he did or had gotten lost. He had returned, and that’s what mattered.

[Tolf]

When she turned her head away Gerar’s hopes sank, the hopes he hadn’t meant to have in the first place. She had the expression of someone with bad news. She was sorry, she said after a pause. Gerar had his eyes to the ground by then but he nodded silently. It was as expected. But even so he could feel his throat closing up with sadness and hurt, maybe anger? Towards himself; always.

They might be alive somewhere. Gerar blinked away a sting in his eyes that was unwelcome and cleared his throat. Nodding to Dixie but in his heart he wasn’t so sure.

“Y-yes.”

She invited him back, Gerar took a shaky breath. “I need to come back.”

He didn’t know if she would understand. But maybe she would. When he was young he’d always wondered why companionship was so important to others, after Harlem he had understood, and after he lost her he’d wondered why he’d been stupid enough to think that would work, and wished he’d never met her and screwed it all up. Now he didn’t have a choice, he needed his pack because he COULDN’T be alone anymore.

He didn’t have the words for it all, he lived life moment to moment based on how he was feeling, and his feelings were trying to drown him.

Maybe she would understand if he knew how to explain it, or took the time to try. But all she would get was a gruff,

“I can’t be alone.”

[Dixie]

    Gerar was going to be welcomed back in, no matter if he was no longer useful (which, she highly doubted. He was a well rounded guy that could really help the pack that was starting over again). ”Y-yes.” As much as it pained them both to know their friends - and in his case, lover - weren’t here, she felt some comfort that even with the new that he would stay here. ”I need to come back.” Dixie nodded, in some understandment. This was both of their homes, and where they belonged. They might not see it the same way, she wasn’t sure, but she felt some tug in her heart at the words, as if they rang familiar.

    ”I can’t be alone.” Dixie took a somewhat deep breathe, collecting her words. Why did she feel emotional? “Come on, then. I can try to catch you up on what’s happened.” She wasn’t sure where to begin, or what was most important, or really where his Tortugan life had ‘ended’ last. There was Raikov, the war, (her own issues), death, and then Tortuga starting over again. But she would summon the man to come with her, take him to some place warm and safe to rest and tell him all that’s happened.

[Tolf]

(omg you literally replied that same day and I haven't even checked back here since then. you wanna do a follow up rp?)

[Alue]

if you want we can