[Alistair]

He had already seen his mother. She was the first wolf he had stopped in to visit after returning from the war. She was the first person he made smile since he had come back, and also the first one he had brought to tears. He had watched with hardened green eyes and an angrily clenched jaw as she broke down from the news. The same news that had almost broken him too. The same news that had almost kept him from coming back to the valley, from coming back and seeing this. He hadn't wanted to be the one to do this. But he did it anyways, because he had to. He put on his newly-acquired, thickened skin, he made his way to the den he had been raised, and he broke his mother's heart. As she sunk to the ground sobbing, he made no move to comfort her. There had been no one out there to comfort him when he found out. He left her to her anguish without saying anything else, her devastated cries echoing in his ears with every step he put between them.

Noah. Andruil. His brothers were dead.

And now Alistair had to tell his father too.

He made his way to the lake's edge, a place that seemed to mean something to everyone in his family. It was where his parents had fallen in love, it was where his father came to sing, and it was where his mother came to pray. It was where he would tell the most important man in his life that his other two sons were dead. They had gone out filled with life and belief that their holy Rosas would lead them to victory, and only he had come back. The young man sat down close enough for the cool water to lap at his paws, and he almost couldn't recognize the young man staring back at him. He had always been a bit of a grump, Sphinx used to always tell him to relax, enjoy life... but now he was something else. The anger was everywhere, in the set of his jaws and shoulders, in the harshness of his handsome green eyes. When he looked in the water, he could almost see the burning swirling inside him.

He hadn't expected his mother to act like that. He had expected the holy "They died for their Rosas. There is no nobler way" and for her to be proud and for her to grieve with dignity. He had expected to be angry at her for doing all of those things... but she did none of them, and that made him angrier. Sphinx had changed. Something had shaken her faith, even before the news of her sons' deaths. 

"I'm back," Alistair started quietly as he heard his dad approach. It was the same, his father's scent and pacing of his stride. The boy used to listen for it every day when his father would come back to the den. That was all over now. He'd get his own den, throw himself into work. It was all over now. When he spoke again, his voice was hard with anger, deep with age. "And I have something to tell you. After that, you should go see mom. I..." Hurt her feelings? Left her alone in pain? The golden boy trailed off briefly, swatting at the water,"She's not doing so well right now."

The golden boy had grown to look quite like his father. Strong jaw, toned muscles, broad shoulders. The only differences were the colors of their fur, and the rage twisting young Ali's features.

[Achilles]

The days had been long since he'd found his beloved again after their silly and entirely unnecessary separation. The fools had shared laughs, awkwardness, fears and doubts that evening. Among all that though, hope and despair were partners in the most beautiful and frightening dance of the couple's lives. Hope that their family would return, doubt over their fears and what that meant in regards to the relationships they had with their respective devotions to the Rosa. Worst of all they had fear in their hearts.

Fear that their sons were off to their ends when they'd only just begun.

Fear that none would return to them after being so brave.

FEAR

Achilles had never known fear before, even when he'd left the place he'd once called home to be wild, even when he'd put himself at the mercy of the world that didn't care about him, even when he found the Maze that would either lead him to his home or his death. But he knew fear now, he knew fear. It followed him every day now, joined him in slumber and woke with him in the mornings. Fear stalked him throughout the Valley, gripping his heart with each wolf that returned that wasn't his child. It mocked him with every sound that caught his attention and teased him when his heartbeat tried and failed to slow down.

Then She returned, his Rosa, Foetida. 

Hope returned, fulfillment and joy.

But not his sons.

He was distracted as he approached the Lake he knew so well, his thoughts running wild recently with so much happening. If someone wanted to attack him it might have been the best chance they'd ever get but what happened was not that, it was worse. I'm back, the words froze him in his tracks. His bright blues eyes widened as they settled on a back he didn't quite recognize, his ears lifted high, the sound and tone so different than he remembered. He was warned of news he'd receive, news that his beloved mate was unwell, unsafe. "Alistair?" He moved closer, the colors easily recognizable but the posture much different. He stopped a little ways away once the boy's, no, the man's reflection appeared in the water. Achilles stared at it, this green eyes he'd gotten from his mother, but nothing alike the gems he got lost in. 

Achilles' felt something in him change. It was like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders, doubt perhaps. But now it was replaced by something, something on his heart, something worse. 

REALIZATION

"Look at me boy," His jaw was tight but his words were quiet. He needed to see his son's face, to know he was real and not just an illusion cast by the Red Dragon. "Come here and tell me."

He needed to hear it, he needed to know...

[Alistair]

”Alistair?”

The single word was a small comfort, the first to ease some of the fire in his belly since he returned to Oukuku-Kai. His dad remembered him… could recognize him past all the growth and all the anger that had morphed him both internally and externally. It was nice to find out that his dad’s voice hadn’t changed, either. There were some constants in the world. The bondless squared his shoulders in the silent, tense heartbeats following the sound of his own name, preparing himself for what was going to come next.

As Achilles got closer to him, close enough to see him in the reflection of the lake, Alistair couldn’t help but wonder what his father saw. Did he still see the young boy who stood up for his sisters during his Rite of Passage? Did he still see the grumpy little boy who liked to sleep in, face buried into his brother’s fur? Or did he see someone completely different?

Did he see a boy forced to be a man by his younger brothers’ deaths?

"Look at me boy, come here and tell me."

Alistair did not move on command, his pride forcing his body to rebel against the so very natural instinct to listen to his father. Achilles and Sphinx, the perfect little pair, hadn’t been there. They weren’t there. They couldn’t save them. They chose their jobs given to them by deities over their duties as mother and father. They didn’t get to order him around as his parents, not anymore. He turned to face the Yellow Seour, green eyes hard as they met blue.

”Noah and Anduril are dead.” It hurt more each time he said it aloud, as if each syllable was another scoop of dirt filling their graves. His soldier brother, body broken… his romantic brother, riddled with infection. They were gone, and with it, their family. It was all over. ”They died in the war, Seour.”

The use of rank was intentional, but he still couldn’t put his paws on why exactly he was doing it. He always seemed to hurt his family the most, so maybe he was just falling into old patterns… or maybe he was just trying to distance himself from it all. Maybe he wanted them to hurt as much as he did when he found out. Alistair could still picture the way Sphinx's face melted at the word “Warden”, but there was no satisfaction in it. It just made him more upset.

[Achilles]

Of course, the hesitation or defiance to listen to him made Achilles want to growl on instinct but he didn't growl. He waited, it was important to wait right now, to be still in this moment. When his son finally turned to him and met his eyes, Achilles stared back into those green cloned gems and his own feral blue eyes were bloodshot. It had been so long since he'd seen the wolf before him, it had been too long and he'd changed so much. It was a moment he knew would come, tried to prepare for but it was hard to predict exactly when your children became adults, stopped being the children you raised and protected. 

Now, before the Yellow Seour, was a wolf all his own. 

Alistair broke the news, he gifted a father the worst news he'd ever get.

Achilles' hackles rose, his body shook visibly with a rage that he'd never really let out before. It was there, maybe the root of Alistair's own, although Achilles was never ruled by it like his son seemed to be. His jaw clenched tight, teeth creaking in his maw with the effort not to tear into something, anything and avenge his sons. The attempt to hurt him further did little, Achilles was Seour before he was a father, it was part of him and the children all had to keep that fact close as they grew, he'd taught them that. Of course in private it was not needed but Achilles couldn't concentrate on that while he imagined the worst ways the Heathens had taken his boys from the world. 

He was moving without thinking and was right in Alistair's space. Achilles sat and lifted his forearms up to wrap them around the young wolf's neck. It was the first time he'd embraced his child since he was a puppy and it was very possible it would be the last, at least in a loving manner. "Thank you." The words were shaky as they reach the other's ear. The hug tightened, almost to a painful level before he released Alistair. It would be important that it was allowed, lest Achilles' rage be provoked from any sort of denial. 

The Yellow Seour set his paws abck down and moved past the other wolf, his fur rubbing against his body deliberately. 

"Welcome home Ashigaru, you are a warrior and a true embodiment of Foetida's path." He approached the water, stepping into it to allow the cold water to root him back in the world. "Go out into the Valley as one of it's people, no longer are you bondless, you are false bonded to me, I expect you to uphold Oukoku-Kai's laws and values as a representation of myself and Foetida." His ears slowly turned back and his tail lowered until the tip was dipped into the water.

"Leave," His voice was threatening to crack and he needed to be left alone in this moment. "Now."

[Alistair]

Alistair was angry, had always been angry, but his rage was matched in equal parts by love. He had been created by it, was raised surrounded by it, and though it often played second fiddle to his temper, love was always there. Achilles and Sphinx had made sure it was always there. So when his father moved forward, sat, and wrapped him into an embrace, Alistair knew he was loved. 

And it hurt so bad to know that all he could give in return was bad news and a broken spirit. He made no move to get away, but his body stiffened. Slowly, brick by brick, he was trying to put a wall between himself and his family. He would always find a way to hurt them, no matter how he tried not to, but if he took the necessary steps... he could get far enough away where they would all be safe  

"Thank you."

Alistair sucked in a shaky breath at his father's words, the weight of them pressing on his chest harder than the ever-tightening hug. A million sentences popped to the front of his mind, thousands of paragraphs that could have been used to comfort them both... that could have started repairing the relationship. Words were his mother's specialty though, her bread and butter, and so... he said none of them. Instead, the boy moved just enough to rest his head on Achilles's shoulder and for the briefest and tenderest of moments, nodded softly into the Seour's fur. He might have been trying to be tough, trying to become his own man, but there was still some part of the brave little boy that hoped his dad understood.

When Achilles pulled away, rubbing against him as he made his way towards the lake, Alistair turned his head away to deliberately avoid seeing his father's face.

"Welcome home Ashigaru, you are a warrior and a true embodiment of Foetida's path. Go out into the Valley as one of it's people, no longer are you bondless, you are false bonded to me, I expect you to uphold Oukoku-Kai's laws and values as a representation of myself and Foetida."

What? With everything that just happened, that was the last thing that he expected his father to say. The words caught him off-guard, and the bondless turned suddenly Ashigaru fought to get a grasp on the situation. He had only come tonight to deliver the bad news to his father and then put some distance up between he and his family. He wanted to work and serve his home. He wanted to look the Rosas that sentenced his brother's to death in the eye and ask if they knew it would happen... what he didn't want was to keep falling into the trap that was Achilles and Sphinx. He would hurt them again, and in turn that would hurt him. He needed to find his own way. Be his own man. This wasn't the plan. This wasn't what was supposed to happen.

"You can't be-- Finally able to form a semblance of a sentence, the new warrior started, but was easily interrupted by a command from his Yellow Seour.

"Leave, now."

He snapped his mouth closed, and his body tensed in protest. He didn't want to leave. He wanted to stay and talk about this snapshot decision.

"On your order, Seour." And yet... He wasn't sure what he could say at the point. His anger was slowly building again, threatening to overtake him, and Alistair knew that whatever point he tried to make would probably devolve into a fight. He had seen Achilles's bloodshot eyes, had watched him shake in anger, had noticed his hackles rising. With a steadying deep breath, the boy stood and turned away from the lake and his new Shogun. Maybe they would pick this up another day. Until then... he had a new den to dig out.

"Remember to go check on mom. Our, uh, conversation didn't go as well."

[Achilles]

It was unbelievably hard.

To remain calm, though one might argue Achilles was nowhere near calm in any sense of the word. No he wasn't calm but he was controlled, or at least trying to be. He felt his control slipping away with each moment, no, each second! He needed to be alone, he needed to have his solitude. 

When Alistair tried to protest, Achilles let out a soft growl, thankfully the boy silenced himself.

When he gave the command and Alistair spoke understanding, Achilles closed his eyes, taking in a deep breath. His body grew tense and his hackles began to rise again. His son, for he was still his son and in that moment only a son could remind him of his mother, Achilles' mate, without suffering his wrath. Achilles wanted to confirm he'd heard but no words could come, only another, deeper growl. He'd told Alistair to leave, the wolf needed to heed those words now before Achilles snapped.

Of course he'd go to his beloved, of course he'd be there for her but not now, not like this. 

When Alistair did finally leave, Achilles would remain still, silent and steady. He allowed the words to flow through him, to find root in his heart and grow into his soul. His sons were dead. His little boys, Noah and Anduril had lost their lives in service to the Rosa in a war against Heathens. It was a holy war, a rightious one.

But it wasn't was it? 

NO

It wasn't Ragnarok, it was a stupid false war that stole his sons away from him, that almost took his Goddess and his third son! His feral blue eyes snapped open, more bloodshot than before. His body shook as the words echoed in his mind, my sons died. He tried to keep his mind in from going to a dark place but he was no saint...

MY SONS DIED

MY SONS ARE DEAD

MY SONS DIED FOR NOTHING

Then Achilles roared. It was not just a howl but a scream, a terrible and broken sound that took Oukokua-Kai by the throat. Anyone within the lands could hear it, the sound of a father that loved nothing more and would be forced to live with the fact that he'd be burying his children. He screamed until the air in his lungs was gone and then he screamed some more, face wracked by tears and pain.

Achilles' heart broke for his family that day, like the day he'd held his dying daughter.

He only hoped that it would be the last time...