[Excalibur]

OOC: Open to one other! Set during the winter solstice. Spooky things or so homesick shes seeing things?

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"Why don't you get up?" It's a beautiful day out there!"

"Tired. Dun wanna." Excalibur mumbled wrapping herself more tightly in her tail.

"But it's snowing. You love the snow!"

"Go away Arthur." She grumbled, swatting lazily with her paw at the annoyance that was her elder brother.

Arthur...

She lifted her head, breath caught, heart stopped, eyes wide. Arthur. He smiled at her then turned away. She was frozen to the spot her mouth hanging open.

Wait.

His tail swished round the edge of the broken castle window and Excalibur scrambled to her feet and climbed after him. Hundreds of years of fallen leaves outside the castle had raised the ground level, half blocking the small opening, so she scrambled up and out onto frozen ground, paws slipping on the ice that slicked the sill. "Arthur! Wait Arthur! Come ba-" There was nothing there. Snow crunched under her paws as she paced this way and that, ears pricked, eager, straining, looking. Her heart was shouting for him. Nothing but the muffled silence of falling snow. "Arthur?" She was alone, the only foot prints in the snow were hers. The snow flakes whirled around her and the wind pulled her and stung her eyes making them water. Don't cry. Don't. Steel can't weep. She drew a shuddering breath as her tears dripped onto the snow, turning instantly to ice. Stupid. Stupid! Of course she was dreaming, the dead don't come back.

Gemini had been her new start but so far she was just as, if not more, alone than before. She was alone among strangers now and it somehow felt a deeper isolation than when she was on her own. She could see them, watch them, as they went about thier lives with family and friends but she felt like they were behind glass and she could not bring herself to knock on the window and ask to come in. It was weakness.

She wanted home and Arthur. For a fleeting moment she even longed for Camlann, for the past where they were family, laughing and joking, play fighting in the snow. Before Camlann killed Arthur.

She closed her eyes, taking deep breaths, mastering her breathing and herself. When she finally opened her eyes the world seemed even colder and more white, like it had been sterilized of colour. She was alone. With a heavy heart she turned to go back inside. As she did she saw a paw print, clear and sharp in a small patch of snow that had escaped her churning pacing. It faced away from the castle, into the snowy landscape. It was too large to be hers. Where did...? She looked out into the whiteness one last time and was unsuprised to see nothing there. The dead don't visit. Still she placed her paw in print, knowing it was as close as she would ever get to home. Tears ran freely again. Stupid. Stupid!

Wait. "You forgot me..."

[Razi]

「R a z i 」

Snow.  Snow was so damn cold, yet so fucking beautiful.  I had a small experience with the snowy weather in my times of being a nomad wandering aimlessly with no purpose.  It was so damn cold and I fucking hated it.  I was a wolf, I had fur to keep me warm, but it did not mean I had to like the coldness of snow.  Snow was beautiful, don't get me wrong.  Though, why the hell did something so beautiful had to be so damn cold.  I thought I was going to freeze to death with all this damn snow.  Ugh.  Who the hell was I kidding.  I was a wolf, a dire wolf to be exact, that had thick fur to keep me warm during the harsh winters.  Even I was not that lucky to die from the coldness of snow.

Yet, while I was trudging through the snow, complaining to myself on the non existence threat of cold, some luny was chasing a ghost...Wait..I stopped dead in my tracks as I stared wide eyed at a female rushing and slipping out of the castle.  She almost tripped over the frozen ice after a...ghost?  I shoved my ears forward as I studied the scene.  I could actually see the ghostly creature disappear out of sight.  The female whom had followed it out in despair had already become descending upon herself.  This she wolf was openly drowning in sorrow while I was trying to figure out what the hell I just saw.  I saw an actual fucking ghost.  Holy shit.  I could feel the excitement itching in my bones.  Holy fucking shit.  Ghosts.

Your mother could come back..she could expose us.. What the actual fuck?  My mother had died years ago in lands far, far away from these.  There was no actual way I would ever see her running these lands.  Even if I did, she would be too vain to even fucking care about me.  There was no way death was going to change a wolf like that.  "Don't worry, she won't even bother acknowledging our existence anyways.." I mumbled very lowly in response.  Yea, my mother was definitely the last wolf I would ever want to see again.  Dead or alive.  She was disgusting and the worst mother a pup could ever have.  If I could blame someone for the way I had turned out, she would definitely be the first one I would choose.

I jerked myself from my thoughts, realizing the silver she wolf was still crying, turning into herself.  Should I comfort her?  It sounded like the right thing to do.  Yet, I had no clue what I was suppose to say or do.  Pat her on the back?  Tell her everything was going to be ok?  I was at a lost for once.  This was definitely not my forte.  Now, give me blood and guts and all that good shit, yea that was my environment.  Fuck.  This was so not me, but I had to be civil and nonthreatening.  How does a wolf such as I appear friendly?  "They say spirits who still wander the earth have unfinished business," I stepped towards her with a slight smile, "I'm Razi."

ooc: 

[Excalibur]

"They say spirits who still wander the earth have unfinished business. I'm Razi."

Excalibur turned slowly towards the words, after the silence they seemed so loud and surfacing through her sadness took such effort. She did not startle, instead just stared a Razi for a moment, unable to make him out clearly through her tears; her golden eyes were wide, wet and blinking to resolve Razi's form. She was a point of brightness in the stark landscape, bold red, living blood on white bone. She was taken off guard by her arrival and for a moment she was pleased to see life and kindness, her lonely heart leapt at it welcoming him and she smiled shakily. She saw Arthur then? He was really...? She was saying Arthur was...? Wait.  Ghosts. Life after death? ...Arthur? Her brain displayed an error code that said bullshit! With that her shield slammed back up, smile vanished and she sat up straight giving a small snarl.

"And I'm not interested." Excalibur snapped back, cuffing angrily at her eyes, embrassed to be caught sobbing like some snivelling pup. Of course some religious nut job would choose this moment to strike. They were all about converting the downcast. Did they lurk about waiting for the first sign of weakness? Nothing like a nice death to herd new worshippers to them. Worse than bloody vultures. "Go peddle your religious bullshit somewhere else."

Her heart gave one last plea to just ask her, to just consider the possibility that maybe, just maybe there was something else. Grudgingly, she made a small concession to it, the same way you might a small annoying child. Fine. I'll do it just so you shut up. Her eyes narrowed and she regarded Razi the same way one might a poisnous reptile. "Unless you are saying you saw it too?" Suspicion was evident in every word. "What is it you saw then?" Blind faith was not something she could ever have again. Evidence was required.

There was a reason Excalibur had failed to make any friends so far. Her heart was steel, not gold, it was cold, hard and sharp, but with the right tools it could be reforged - or at very least have the edges dulled a little.

[Razi]

「R a z i 」

What.The.Actual.Fuck?  I stared at this silver female for a brief moment, dumbstruck and slightly irritated by her.  One minute this other she wolf was smiling at me like we were the best of friends, then the next she's snarling at me like I pissed in her cheerios.  Well two can play this game.  Here I was trying to stoop to a level where I could properly socialize and make some kind of friends and this female was flipping out on me.  I narrowed my eyes for a brief moment, never bothering to hide the annoyance from my face.  We thinks her blood would look so good sliding down our throat..we should taste her..rip her throat out...she disrespected us..she deserves to be punished...  The temptation was great and I was almost convinced I should do it; but what would be the consequences?

I used to not care about the consequences, but that was when I was young and stupid.  I would have jumped so hard on this female and ripped her throat out.  The feeling would have been so good and I would have savored the sensation to the very end.  It would have been so easy then trying to pretend I actually fucking gave a damn about what this idiot fucking saw.  I curled my lips into a snarl right back at the stupid idiot.  "The fuck you going on about?"  I snorted, narrowing my gaze at her, emerald eyes glaring hard at her.  I had no idea what the fuck she was talking about.  What the fuck was this religious bullshit she was throwing at me?  What the fuck was a religion?  Is that where the stupidity comes out and everyone was running around chanting bullshit out of their arses?

Then the silver she wolf went and started to ask me..what the fuck?  Seriously..now she was interested what I fucking had to say?  I swear to the moon this female was going to drive me to the bloodlust.  I huffed and glared at her for a brief moment, annoyance still radiating off my core.  I felt like we were in a staring contest before I shifted my weight.  This girl had serious issues and that was sad coming from someone like me.  "You rushed out chasing something that shouldn't be there, but it was," I took a deep breath, "I don't give a shit if you don't believe me."  I dared not to admit that sometimes I did not believe myself either.  Some things just should not exist.  "You were very loud, but he disappeared into the snow.  Wolves don't just evaporate like that, but ghosts do."

There were a lot of things I chose not to believe in, but I was not a fucking idiot.  I knew what I fucking saw.  It's not too late to do it..it will be so much fun...  I grumbled curses lightly under my breath before turning my attention away from the crazy she wolf.  My gaze followed where I had thought I saw the ghost disappear before returning my gaze back to her.  "It's not religious mumble whatever the fuck bullshit you were spatting," I gruffed to her, "It's nature, crazy fucking nature, but nature all the same."  I still eyed her, wondering if all this was a waste of my time.

ooc: Razi is actually a female lol

[Excalibur]

"The fuck you going on about?"

Excalibur didn't dignify such a question with an answer, ironically she thought this Razi was incredibly rude. Takes one to know one. Excalibur effectively dismissed her by looking pointedly in the other direction in the hope she'd take the hint and be gone when she looked back round. Gemini had such riff-raff who didn't know how to speak to their betters. It still hadn't fully sunk in that here in Gemini she herself was a nobody, certainly not royalty, and could be described as part of that riff-raff she so despised.

"You rushed out chasing something that shouldn't be there, but it was, I don't give a shit if you don't believe me. You were very loud, but he disappeared into the snow.  Wolves don't just evaporate like that, but ghosts do."

Razi made some noises that were clearly disagreeable but barely audio and Exclibur made some of her own. "Very loud? Are you saying this is my fault? That I scared him off?" If something had been there of course, and she was not saying there had. "Yes, I know wolves don't just go poof!" She spat, thoroughly unamused. What kind of idiot did this Razi think she was? Thankfully Excalibur didn't ask the question aloud because while rhetorical it would probably have gotten an unwelcome answer.

"It's not religious mumble whatever the fuck bullshit you were spatting. It's nature, crazy fucking nature, but nature all the same."

Excalibur glowered at her for a moment then feeing defeated and exhausted she sat down heavily in the snow. It wasn't Razi had won, it was the evidence of her own eyes, that Razi had backed up. She had seen... Something. Had it spoken to her? Or had that part just been a dream? But then if it was a dream how was the rest of it real? There were too many questions and a tiny shred of fact. Now that she knew something had been there she now thought she would have been happier not knowing. "Nature is fucking weird." She agreed with a sigh. "Ghosts though?" She laughed, making a mirthless barking noise. "Stuff like this just makes me feel like I'm loosing my goddamn mind." She rubbed a paw across her eyes, the coolness of her pads soothing the sting in them.

"You have seen other ghosts?" She asked more quietly, the ember of anger that had been stoked in her chest a moment ago had cooled and gone out. It was cold and dark again. Snow flakes were still falling and her breath hung frozen in the air. She realised how cold she was for the first time and tried her best not to shiver in front of Razi. Don't show weakness. "Were they anyone you knew?"

[Razi]

「R a z i 」

I felt like I was on a roller coaster ride.  One moment I wanted to leap at her and tear her fucking throat out.  I wanted to let the blood soak the grass so I could roll in it with such delight.  Yet, the other side of me had to sharply remind myself that we can't always do what we want.  I had to continuously remind myself that I had to be the one in control, but also had to know when to submit.  I would not think that any one here would like the fact that I had the will to brutally murder one of their own without hesitation.  This was a new life and I had to behave like a well mannered child.  Even if I was far from such a thing.

I did not know if it was wise to continue antagonizing this other she wolf.  She continues to disrespect us..we must--  I mentally snapped.  "We're not going to do anything," I grumbled under my breath.  I turned emerald colored eyes on the silver wolf.  "I am not saying that being loud was your fault.  I mean I probably would have reacted the same way if I actually saw someone I truly cared about; but you were loud enough that I am sure the freaking high heavens heard ya,"  I narrowed my gaze slightly at her, not in a glare just a straight forwardness glance.  She was freaking out in such anger and I had to find the will to collect myself.

I craned my head slightly as the other female went from 100 to 0 in flat seconds.  Though, I remember how hot and bothered she was just a moment ago...which made my head spin and the whispers got louder.  I took a deep breath as I mentally counted in my head before the echos were not as loud.  The way she looked at the moment made her seemed so defeated, so exhausted.  I pressed my ears against my skull for a few moments as I tried to collect myself.  I could deal with tempers, but not in this kind of way.  It was all so new to me..this was going to be terribly hard to handle.  I was used to my rage flying off when someone did me this way..but I had to stay calm.

I turned my full attention to her as she started to speak to me again, "I'm already way a head of ya," I mused, giving a slight chuckle of my own.  It seemed she was having a very hard time trying to take all of this in.  I did not really care either way.  I grew up with voices in my head and that was something not every one apparently was born with.  I guess I was either lucky or just fucking unlucky.  I suppose it depended upon the point of view that it was seen from.  I gave up caring about the reason why a long time ago.  It did not help me one bit, not one bit, no way.  It was just easier to remain ignorant of it all and just go about your life.

I twisted my head slightly at her question, I almost missed it as she spoke so quietly there.  Good thing I was a wolf with awesome hearing...well not really awesome but whatever.  I snorted a laugh, "Yes I have seen a few here and there and...no they were never anymore I knew..I wouldn't want to see them anyways.." I grimaced slightly.  Maker, I would hate to see anyone I knew.  None of it would be a pretty sight.  My mother would curse my very name and all my offsprings there after.  I doubt my father would even care; and I have no idea what happened to my brothers.

ooc: 

[Excalibur]

OOC: Sorry for the hold up! Been a crazy busy few weeks! Not a great post but better than nothing.

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"I am not saying that being loud was your fault.  I mean I probably would have reacted the same way if I actually saw someone I truly cared about; but you were loud enough that I am sure the freaking high heavens heard ya,"
 
Razi gave her a pointed look and unsure quite what to say in the face of fact Excalibur made sort of "Hrrmph." noise and flicked her ears and looked away. Sadly Arthur had not heard her though or he would not have just walked off like that she was sure. In life he never would have left her behind. She fluffed her silver fur against the cold and shrugged her shoulders a couple times to chase away the chills that were setting in. It was bitingly cold, but then again it was winter, it was supposed to be cold.
 
"I'm already way a head of ya. Yes I have seen a few here and there and...no they were never anymore I knew..I wouldn't want to see them anyways.."
 
"I see." Excalibur said simply, looking down at the foot print, the only tangible sign of something. She needed to find out more, to see if she could piece together some sort of logic and understanding... Or a way to recreate the circumstances... A way to see Arthur again on demand? Nature had laws right, why couldn't she use them? "What were those..." The word felt wrong, strange and silly even coming out of her mouth, but she spat it out anyway though it clearly took her some effort. "...Ghosts doing?" Ghosts. God she was sat out in the snow freezing her tail off with some stranger talking earnestly about ghosts of all things. Maybe she really she lost her mind? She was half expecting to wake up and find out it was all some weird dream and vow never to eat gopher before bed again. 
 
Excalibur frowned at the last bit. Who didn't want to see the ones their loved again? Death was certainty and permanence but suddenly it seemed perhaps it was not necessarily the end. "Why not?" She asked bluntly, giving a quizzically look that suggested she though Razi was a bit strange for thinking that way. "Is no one you truly care about dead or do you not truly care about anyone?" It was a bit of a prying question but Excalibur thought she was entitled to any and all information she desired so felt no compunction about asking.
 
"My name is Excalibur." She added finally answering the unspoken question from when they had first met and Razi had introduced herself. "I'm not Gemini born and bred myself. Are you?" She suddenly wondered if Razi was anyone important, anyone it would have perhaps have been not best to snap at in case she needed to win their favour in future in order to advance. Then again, she reasoned, it hadn’t been that bad, and besides Razi had interrupted her moment not the other way around, she deserved what she got. Excalibur could justify pretty much anything. She hadn’t quite to grasped the nettle of the concept that she wasn’t important herself anymore and certainly not to anyone in Gemini, the theory was there but there had been no practical application yet. Reality was going hurt like a bitch.

[Razi]

The silver she wolf looked so stupidly sad that it was almost pathetic.  I never had the chance to actually want to feel lost at someone leaving this god forsaken earth.  Most of the ones who were suppose to care about me and vice versus, were too fucking wrapped up in their own damn world to even bother mustering even an ounce of caring about me.  I mean if you count a mother hating you because you embarrassed her at every waking moment of her miserable life as some kind of twisted love.  Then I guess I kind of felt some kind of love; but even a wolf like me knew that what that wretched she wolf showed me was not love.  It was not the love of a mother who adored the earth that her beloved pup walked on.  It was not the love of a mother who would wrap herself around her little wolf during the winters.  No it was the hatred of the devil as she spat at the very ground you walked on.  I was glad she was dead, all of them.

I wondered how old the other she wolf was as her posture often reminded me of a pup who was scolded for doing something naughty; or had their favorite toy taken from them.  She was content on not really showing any kind of positive demeanor.  Then again I wondered if I would act the same if I actually had someone to care about and they were ripped from me only to be prancing within my reach; but I could not grasp them.  We can smell her weakness.  Quick!  We must--- Nope.  Sorry you nasty little demons but this is totally not happening today or any day for that matter.  I want to believe I was done with all this madness, but I would be a fool to even think they were done with me.  I could only hold onto the sanity for as long as I was allowed too before my mind finally snapped.

I could feel the snow edge into my toes as the tingling of winter caressed my bright red fur.  I turned bright emerald eyes in attention to the silver she wolf as she seemed to still be stuttering over the idea of Ghosts existing.  Splendid.  They always seem to deny what their eyes see and their ears hear.  Fools.  Why are we wasting our time when we could be delighting ourselves?  I don't know.  She seemed more of a headache than an actual companion to talk too.  She wasn't like the little doe eyed she wolf I had...I had what?  Befriended?  Back then I would have laughed at myself for such an absurd idea..but now?  I wondered if it was a welcoming thought.  They will probably make me rip out her throat eventually.  Yeeeesss she smells so good.  Her fear delights us.  Of course it does.

I shifted my weight along the snow as voices began to stammer out of the other one's mouth.  I quirked a brow questionably as she tried to blurt out the words she wanted to ask me.  Huh?  What were the Ghosts doing?  Why?  "They did what most Ghosts do.  They wander around aimlessly with no purpose.  Some try to interact with their loved ones while others try to cause havoc," I heaved my shoulders into a shrug.  I didn't bother interacting much with the dead as I already had enough voices in my head.  Then the wind shifted and things started heading south as the silver girl decided to pluck at the chord of emotions that laid in the cracks of my mind.  "Because anyone who could have cared about me didn't, so I never bothered trying," I snorted, not really wanting to drag myself back down that road.

She's trying to find a weakness!  We can't let ourselves show any!  Quick!  Shut up!  I was starting to get a headache.  I shoved my ears forward as my head was swiveled in attention.  So the little silver had finally decided to grace us with her name.  Excalibur?  I rolled the name over and over in my head before she snapped me back to reality.  Words flowing out of her mouth as another question echoed through the hollows of my ears.  Was she trying to pry some information from me?  Weakness!  Weakness!  Oh for the love of fucks!  Shut the hell up!  I mentally growled before turning my focus back to..Excalibur.  "No, I'm not originally from Gemini."

OOC: Hey no worries!!

[Excalibur]

"They did what most Ghosts do.  They wander around aimlessly with no purpose.  Some try to interact with their loved ones while others try to cause havoc,"

”I see.” She replied, a note of disappointment evident in her voice. Had she been hoping for a piece of information she could use to crack this case open? The key she could use at will to unlock the door between her and the afterlife? Well… Yes, but of course it wasn’t that easy. ”Well. Thank you anyway.” Thanks for nothing. Razi was not proving to be a fountain of knowledge, but she made the effort sound at least a little grateful just in case she wanted to ask Razi about this again some time, she was the only other witness after all. Now Excalibur had calmed down sufficiently to to think properly about this situation she decided perhaps it would pay be a little more friendly. Though she might have felt more friendly if she wasn’t so damn cold, she rubbed her paws together, trying to coax some warmth back into her toes.

"Because anyone who could have cared about me didn't, so I never bothered trying,"

”Not even your parents?” The response was not supposed to be hurtful, it was incredulity mixed parts scathing and kindness. She wanted to prove that Razi was wrong and being overly dramatic, and to remind her that she was not totally without loved ones. She fully expected Razi to say ‘of course my parents loved me’. Excalibur might be cold, distrusting, dismissive and aloof now, but that was all down to what had happened recently, her younger years had been a typical movie montage of a happy family. But with empathy not being strong suit she had no thought that others might not have had the same experience as her. She had much to learn.

"No, I'm not originally from Gemini."

Succinct but informative. Interesting. She decided she could use Razi as a litmus test to see how well she was doing in comparison. Life was a competition after all. ”Oh? Where are you from? I’ve been here a few months now. You? How have you found it?” Excalibur asked, fluffing her coat against the chill again, vainly hoping to trap a little heat. ”Do you have a rank?” It was basically a questionnaire. How would you rate your experience out of ten?