[Haylyn]

The woman's breath plumed up into a misty cloud that rose into the cold morning air she she exhaled. Pale blue eyes watched it rise and disappear, almost marveling at it. It was certainly strange, the way the seasons affected things, a rotating wheel of change. Haylyn sat atop a hill overlooking a lake, an old and charred Jacaranda tree standing watch silently behind her like some time-worn obelisk. She watched the surface of the lake below ripple in the slight breeze, a small smile planted on her scarred muzzle.

She had spent much of her time in the weeks before that moment doing quite a bit of thinking. Life-planning, if you will, even if it was somewhat.. late. Haylyn had had a litter of wonderful children - Ghost had risen to King of Inaria, Weiss now an Emissary. It felt strange to be serving under her own kids, but the woman didn't really mind at all. If anything, it brought her joy to see them doing so well for themselves. Ghost even had a mate, a lovely young girl from what she had heard of the spotted Queen of Shields. The chilly wind whipped up for a moment, ruffling her fluffed-out fur. While the crown had seemed too heavy a burden for her (she could admit that, at least), Ghost seemed to be thriving. Weiss and Ghost both were, and that made the mother happy.

Things in her own life had been somewhat rocky, but time - and support from a best friend - had helped to smooth out her troubles. She still felt somewhat nervous at the prospect of becoming part of Inaria once more. After losing her title as alpha, Haylyn had feared that her fellow packmates would think her weak, incapable, worthless. It had taken a while for her mind to clear of such thoughts. But she had forced herself back out into the big, beautiful world and thrown herself into her rank. After breathing in a deep inhale of cold, crisp air, the woman released a sigh that seemed somewhat positive.

Even if some others did believe Haylyn was weak, she would prove them wrong; she was sure of it.

[Blaise]

OOC: TW: Dementia, depression and general sadness.

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Haylyn. Blaise stared at the shape of her, expecting to feel anger like he usually did at the very thought of her but nothing came, just a cold, hard, weight in his chest. No hackles raised or teeth clenched. He just looked, frozen mid stride, and realised his anger had finally burned out and it was almost a relief. He had no energy left for it. Not even for Her.

The Queen who had chosen some adopted brat with a bad manners and a vicious temper over years of steadfast and stoic loyalty to her and her bloodline. It was a heart breaking blow that Kita had never truly recovered from.  A sadness had dogged her every from that moment to this… When she remembered it at least, which was a rarer and rarer occurrence these days. Each time she did it was like she was back there and it had all just happened all over again. The tears she shed were as bitter and broken and sad as they had been then. All he could do was hold her close and say the same things he had so many times, all the while consumed with guilt for the joy he felt in those moments, because even though she was in so much pain and shook with grief she knew him. She was his Kita again. Then just as suddenly she was scared and confused, she wanted to know where she was and who he was; no soft touch or kind word could calm her, she would bite and scratch and fight him. Then it would be his turn to cry, but no one came to hold him.

Life had not turned out the way he imagined it, growing old together had not been the happy days of sunshine and grandkids he had imagined. It had been a poisoned chalice of loneliness and regret. Some days he just wished it would end and wondered if perhaps he should end it for her, then he hated himself for wishing her gone. She was his Kita… She just didn’t know it anymore.

Then there was Haylyn. A Queen no more – Her own son had claimed the throne from her, proving that the family clearly felt little loyalty to anyone, blood or not. Since Haylyn had broken Kita she had gone on to have losses of her own, public and private, in matters of both position and the heart.  Karma was a bitch. But it meant there was a kind of symmetry to their lives now, the platform for a sort of understanding that could never had existed back then.

He did not move from his spot but called out to her in a low voice. "Is it all you thought it would be?" There was no malice in the words, but no kindness either; the death of anger was not the birth of forgiveness, only bluntness and morbid curiosity.

[Haylyn.]

#8da399
song inspo
Go your way
I'll take the long way 'round
I'll find my own way down

Is it all you thought it would be? A twitch of her ear, the familiarity of the voice drew back memories, but it was one that she hadn't heard in sometime. She turned slightly for that pale gaze of her's to rest upon Blaise's form. The older male had a habit of finding her only to bristle up with malice from the past. If this was going to be another one of those times, he'd be sorely mistaken. "It's a colder winter this year." Came her reply, feigning ignorance to his original question. She knew what he was looking for, and she idly thought about just standing up and walking out all together.

What happened back then with Kita, she knew full well still burned him. She hadn't seen the female since, but had heard whispers that the pair had children. Turning fully then to face the tawny male, eye brows raised and expression unreadable. "I thought there'd be more, honestly." Her tone as chilling as the cool, crisp air.  How long had she been in the winter of her life? How long had she been casting coins in a fairy pool, wishing for an endless summer? Lady Luck had passed all her luck onto her children and hadn't left anything for herself, maybe that was her plan all along.

"Not the answer you were expecting?" She tilted her head, she seemed jaded by this entire charade. Was Blaise so thirsty to see someone squirm? She never thought him the type, and yet. "Now, did you come here to sit and talk? Or are you here simply to be bitter and petty? Because if it's the latter I won't stay to even entertain the idea." Her face hardened for a moment, the muscles contracting and tensing as her eyes narrowed, tail brushing against the tree by her side.

That hardened look melted after some few minutes, however, a tired young woman stood before him. Aged by the years of a crown too big for her head, and a family she desperately tried to do right by.

[Blaise]

"It's a colder winter this year."

It was cold. The cold was insidious, it crept into everything; ice rimmed puddles, frost touched stems and purple clouds threatened snow. That was winter though, it was supposed to be cold, it was nature not spite that caused that discomfort.

"I thought there'd be more, honestly. Not the answer you were expecting?"

Her words were as glacial as the winter she complained of. Blaise shrugged, he didn't know what he had been expecting, though he hadn't been expecting much. There had been a faint hope that he could at least understand why she had done what she did. That he could turn the page on this chapter knowing the motives within had not been intentional cruelty. Though intentional or not the results stayed the same. How different might life have been? Would she still have come to this? "I think we all thought there would be more." He replied with little warmth of his own.

"Now, did you come here to sit and talk? Or are you here simply to be bitter and petty? Because if it's the latter I won't stay to even entertain the idea."

Haylyn was still as haughty and imperious as ever then. Had she forgotten she was not Queen now? Not that he had considered her a Queen after what she had done, a Queen was more than a title. "You talk to me like I am a child that doesn't know it's place." Blaise replied, his voice was low, lacking any infliction or anger, it was stated as a simple fact. He met her hard gaze with a passive expression, unflinching. What could she do to him? Why would he quail under any stare now? 

Her expression softened after some time, the mask fell and he saw that time had changed her too, she was older and tired. Time had not been kind to either of them. Once he would have felt something for her and offered kind words and comfort, but his well of compassion was running dry and in this frosty atmosphere what little water there was left had frozen.

"She still sometimes asks after you." When she forgets. Or was it when she remembered? His tone and expression remained neutral. Was that a bitter or petty thing to say? He didn't know or care, it was just the truth. They had all been friends once.

Haylyn's winter could turn to spring, he held little hope that his would turn to anything but ashes and dust.

[Haylyn.]

#8da399

She glanced away from him, eyes casting downward to the frozen winter ground, though she acknowledged the coolness within his voice. That obvious lack of caring, neither of the two were fooling each other here.

You talk to me like I am a child that doesn't know it's place. But to this statement she'd bristle, blue gaze rising and falling upon his tawny form. "I'm talking to you as a person who is tired of having to sit through another moment of snide and vicious remarks." There was a bite to her words, an unsettled anger. No, Haylyn didn't expect Blaise to be over what had happened to Kita, but she wouldn't be picked and prodded at. "We can, if for a moment, treat each other decently... and just talk, or sit in each other's company." That's all I ask.

This wouldn't be to make amends, Haylyn had long since come to terms with that thought. It was a bitter pill to swallow, a lot like right now. She'd breath a sigh to steady herself, expression and posture calming. She still sometimes asks after you.

A brow would raise to this, though Blaise's expression showed little to nothing for her to read, his tone did even less. Petty and bitter? Probably, but she wouldn't take the bait so carefully laid out for her. Kita on the otherhand was old, and that's when health problems usually arose, nothing alarming, but disheartening all the same. "Is she okay?" It was a sincere question, even though the terms in which they left off on was anything, but good, Haylyn still cared for the older female.

There was also some talk of the pair having kids, though she wouldn't bring that up, unless Blaise wanted to speak about it. Civility, she was sure, didn't extend to unnecessary prying. "I- I haven't seen her since the, uhm, confrontation." Her voice quieting, eyes lingering upon him for what seemed like an eternity.

[Blaise]

OOC: So sorry for the delay on this one! I've been super busy and stressed but I'm getting caught up now. Also too lazy to code.

---

"I'm talking to you as a person who is tired of having to sit through another moment of snide and vicious remarks. We can, if for a moment, treat each other decently... and just talk, or sit in each other's company."

His words had not been calculated to get a rise from her but he could not deny a little pleasure at seeing her bristle. It felt somehow refreshing that she was the one unsettled and angry for once. She had always taken the tone of detachedness, distancing herself from her words and her actions - Like when she come to 'apologise' straight after it all happened, but with out expressing any regret, that had rubbed salt even deeper in the wound - but then again she had been Queen then and smugly safe to abuse her privileged position. Now she was his equal.

"Do you expect me to forgive you?" The words were not spat, they were just a question, one that would determine if he would sit. He wanted to know what conditions were attached.

"Is she okay? I- I haven't seen her since the, uhm, confrontation."

He sighed and sat down, conditions or not that subject was enough to make him feel tired, more tired than he constantly felt at least. He stared down at the rippling waters of the lake for a long minute debating what to say, how much to share. Kita was barely Kita anymore. When she was herself he loved her more than ever, when she wasn't... He hated himself for how he felt. "No." Blaise said succinctly in the end, with the slightest of shakes of his head. "She was never the same after that. It wasn't that that caused..." He trailed off, he wasn't trying to absolve Haylyn of any blame or throw her any bones, he still held her accountable for Kita's sorrow if not ultimately her illness. "But it didn't help." He ended. "You broke her heart that day." Blaise reminded her - she should be unable to escape that fact - his words were a little cold, he could not stop the last of his anger seeping into them. "She was so close to your mother... She loved you like you were her daughter..." Those words were softer, a murmured recollection of happier times. He kicked the frost coated seed of a dandelion head with his paw, scatering the seeds. Snide or vicious? Could the truth be those things? Probably, but she had asked. What Blaise did not think to realise was that Haylyn knew the pain of that bond only too well, Capella was her daughter and she had lost her too on the same day. No one had walked away from that confrontation with their hearts intact.

[Haylyn.]

#8da399

She held back a sigh, inhaling instead to loosen up the growing tension that gripped her body. "No, I don't." Came a calm reply, albeit there was just a bit, the tiniest hint of coldness to it. That was the finality of it though. "We're too far past that point." She wasn't blind, she'd look back to the older male then.

Her heart sank at the news, and somewhere in the confides of her tired mind a little girl sat with the memory of the only mother she ever knew. Did she feel guilty? Of course she did, she had lost more than just a daughter that day. More than just a friend, it was a bond that would never be the same. One that had been hanging on by frayed ends ever since she took up the crown.

Kita never saw her fit enough to lead, though Elias was. Haylyn grew into the role, she had to, she never had that support. She had to prove that she was worthy of the respect given to her family. "I don't think an apology would be fitting at the moment." Not to what she had done to Kita, but how it effected Blaise. You broke her heart. She broke mine, and with it my trust. "Your pain is immeasurable, and I sympathize."

Fighting a child of all things, undermining her authority and word as Queen. What did Blaise expect her to do? Turn a blind eye because of their bond, when both Kita and him were equally as guilty? She would have handled Cappella, but they only escalated the situation by trying to make it personal. "I loved her, she was the closest thing to a mother I've ever known." Came a breathless reply, thoughts pooling forward, bubbling to the surface. Kita had said she was disappointed in her that day, but she'd find that Haylyn was far more disappointed in the ex-beta.

"The day I became Queen, was the day she lost her daughter." The daughter weeps, but remnants of the Queen is stoic and unmoved by his words. The regret of even asking was boiling up in her stomach, she just knew that somethings just couldn't be left behind. Time couldn't heal all wounds. "It'll be something we live with everyday." And that pain resounded so sharply in her chest. As I wade through this snow, I look froward to my spring.

[Blaise]

"No, I don't. We're too far past that point."

It was a relief. So there were no expectations here? They weren't going to play any games pretending to be be polite and feigning apologies that they both knew would have been as hollow as the ocean was deep. Through their own eyes the actions they had taken that day had been utterly justifiable. Fate had drawn a line and forced them to choose a side. Neither had chosen right or wrong, they had just chosen differently.

"I don't think an apology would be fitting at the moment. Your pain is immeasurable, and I sympathize."

Her sentiment may have been sincere but to Blaise it read like a pre-printed greetings card, empty platitues you send to someone who has suffered a loss, a celebration your own benevolence, with no real regards to the receiver. "I have your sympathy?" He summarised dryly. What an honour. "Sympathy is too easy." He dismissed it. He had thought they weren't playing games, acting or pretending, or at least he wasn't. "You're saying you feel sorry for us down in the dirt where you put us." Why not try the dirt for yourself?

"I loved her, she was the closest thing to a mother I've ever known."

Haylyn twisted the knife. The dandelion head still quivered as the seeds he had scattered drifted away. It was easier to accept Haylyn's actions that day if he thought Kita's affection for the once-princess had been one sided. To hear Haylyn's claims otherwise were almost laughable. "Your love looks a lot like hate." He crushed the quivering stem under his paw, screwing it down into the frozen mud. "Cappella attacked Kita. You would have let it happen. I would not. Tell me which of those scenarios sounds like love to you?" It was asked with the same cadence as the easiest of question, as if he were asking her if the sky were blue or water wet.

"The day I became Queen, was the day  lost her daughter."

"Then you never loved her." He fixed her with a golden gaze that was pure ice. "Perhaps if you had told her that sooner the blow, when it came, would have been softer." He suggested, with out bothering to conceal the contempt and disgust he felt for her now she had laid bare her true feelings. She had Kita's love and she wasted it, she never even wanted it and cast it aside like it was nothing. To him it was everything. "Power didn't suit you." She wasn't fit for it. Everyone knew it, even Haylyn, if it had she would still be Queen and not allowed Haven and Ghost to pry the crown from her weak grip.

"It'll be something we live with everyday."

That was the only sentence she had spoken that he could agree with. There was a finality about it too, no matter how long they talked they would never have been able to build a bridge to any common ground save that. There was no point in going round in circles. He had said all he had to say. "Goodbye Haylyn." He rose to his feet, looking out over the icebound forest, not at her. "I wish you..." He was caught by a lifetime of conditioning, one phrase that so naturally followed the other slipped out and he paused there, unable to wish her well. He sighed out a long breath that curled on the cold air. "...Time."

Live with it. Everyday.

[Haylyn.]

#8da399

She held back the need to roll her eyes and shake her head, it wasn't a subject she really wanted to push, but also not one that could easily be tiptoed around. Especially when conversation was dragging toward it no matter how much she wished to go the other direction. Cornering out of bitterness? He wasn't above that. Ears pulled back, and she'd feel the stirring of old feelings as her expression twisted into annoyance. "Almost like you forgot why she was demoted, however I don't ever remember demoting you. It's very easy for you to just pile on the blame, isn't it?" Like a child. So she was now to blame for whatever happened to his rank as well? "I don't know what happened to your rank, but that certainly wasn't me." That sharpness in her voice, edging toward something more harsh.

"And you attacked a CHILD. And Kita attempted to undermine my orders, even AFTER I called for you both to leave." She whirled around on him then, a hard stare at that way she looked at him. She was sick of this. "You can't pick and choose what rules and orders apply to you, and hope that just because you're close with the Queen it exempts you from everything and anything when it suits you. That's not how monarchy works, that's not how rules work. That's not how LIFE works! You don't think it hurt me to do that? You don't think I'm not constantly reminded of that day?!" The pale woman's voice rose, the thrumming sound of her heart grew louder. "A child, A SMALL CHILD, isn't a threat. You knew that, Kita KNEW that. Cappella was mine to deal with and punish."

"You don't know anything about what I feel for her!" Fur was bristling now, a growl forming in the pit of her throat and she tried her best to silence it, even if just a bit of it slipped out. "You let bitterness consume you and it turned you into a tiresome, hateful thing. You allowed yourself to be corroded away bye it so long ago." There was a finality to her words, staring at him steadily. She was a child when she was thrust into Queendom, never trained or prepared for it. She had to figure everything out on her own, even Kita wasn't there to offer any help in that regard.  "I've taken responsibility for my actions, it seems you still try to avoid your own. You avoid that part you played because it's easier to just blame and hate me." A deep inhale and then she'd exhale. "And if that's the case, then fine. But I'm not as weak as you'd like to believe, my winters have made stronger for it." As Blaise's would leave him to wither.

As he began to walk away, she move forward, stepping in front of him with a stern expression. "No, goodbye to you, Blaise." Her expression melting into something more solemn. "I hope that one day you can over come your bitterness, your hate. For your sake." For your children's, for her's, and with that the pale female would turn her back on him, trotting down the wintry hill with only the crunch of her paws in the snow to fill the silence, not once did she look back nor stop. And for the first time in what felt like forever, Haylyn welcomed spring.

ooc: haylyn z snaps out

[Blaise]

OOC: And done! Thank you for a top notch thread!

---

"Almost like you forgot why she was demoted, however I don't ever remember demoting you. It's very easy for you to just pile on the blame, isn't it? I don't know what happened to your rank, but that certainly wasn't me."

Blaise hadn't even been speaking of rank, he had meant the heart break they had endured at her whim, but of course Haylyn had to make it so. She liked to put everyone in their place, so long as that place was beneath her. She clearly still thought she was somebody, that the merit of her blood alone would make her rise to the top. It must be nice to live in a world so far removed from reality he thought derisively.

Haylyn had spared him his rank that day but he didn't confuse her supposed mercy for magnanimity. She had still wanted him to work for her, to put his blood, sweat and tears to her use. Well fuck that. After that day he had no longer been interested in rank, if Haylyn could be Queen then rank clearly meant nothing anyway.

"And you attacked a CHILD. And Kita attempted to undermine my orders, even AFTER I called for you both to leave. You can't pick and choose what rules and orders apply to you, and hope that just because you're close with the Queen it exempts you from everything and anything when it suits you. That's not how monarchy works, that's not how rules work. That's not how LIFE works! You don't think it hurt me to do that? You don't think I'm not constantly reminded of that day?! A child, A SMALL CHILD, isn't a threat. You knew that, Kita KNEW that. Cappella was mine to deal with and punish."

A small child? Cappella was a Fringe Dire, she had been the same size as him and more than old enough to know that attacking anyone was wrong. Haylyn seemed to imagine her to be a day old pup playfully gnawing at his paw, not the strong and vicious young Fringe who had specifically come to his home to spill blood. Haylyn had clearly taught her that she was a special little snowflake who could do no wrong because Mommy was Queen; the irony of which fitted nicely with her diatribe about thinking rules don't apply to those close the Queen. Could she hear herself?

"You don't know anything about what I feel for her! You let bitterness consume you and it turned you into a tiresome, hateful thing. You allowed yourself to be corroded away bye it so long ago."

She dug her claws in and tried to prise open his shell, to expose his heart so she could strike it with her words. It didn't work. The words flowed past and around him, like water sliding off a ducks back. Let her wail and rage, she had no weight to throw about during her tantrums anymore.

"I've taken responsibility for my actions, it seems you still try to avoid your own. You avoid that part you played because it's easier to just blame and hate me."

When? Did she think explaining her position amounted to responsibility? "I take responsiblity for protecting Kita." That was his job, Inaria could burn for all he cared, Haylyn and Capella with it, Inaria had pissed on his loyalty. His family was the only thing left worth caring for.

"And if that's the case, then fine. But I'm not as weak as you'd like to believe, my winters have made stronger for it."

"I never said you were weak. You came up with that all on your own." He could twist a knife too.

"No, goodbye to you, Blaise. I hope that one day you can over come your bitterness, your hate. For your sake."

"It keeps me going." He replied, an incongruous and vicious smile spreading across his grey tinged maw. To see Haylyn so riled up, wound so tight by her own conceit that she thought she could start handing out supposedly meaningful lectures. It was laughable, but she always had been laughable and weak.

Haylyn stormed away, all flounce and outrage. There went a Queen. Blaise mock curtseyed to her back. With her gone, he took her place on the frozen rise and stared out over landscape. A purple bruise of clouds to the north promised more snow. He should go. But instead he stayed to watch the clouds draw in and feel the chill of the first fat snowflakes bite his face.

A smile still played about his mouth. Winter was truly taking hold.