[.Eira.]

[[Reposting an older thread from the old forum, if you have questions about this please let me know, don't post if you aren't Rip or Huckle]]

Set immediately after Quiet Water

The fawn bolts awake. 

She'd promised something in a dream. Or was it a dream? Usually her dreams were of the past, or of the future, but this one was different. She'd dreamed of a little boy and his today. She'd dreamed of a forest where she was born, or was she born there? She thought of an antlered skull on a tree that someone important had told her about. She thought of her false-siblings and how she did not look like them, how she was a freak, how she did not, had never belonged. How could they love someone like her, in a place like this? 

She stood shakily to her feet, and left the nook in the rock face. This forest was beautiful, in it's own way. But it hated her. It wanted to her to conform to a shape that she simply could not be. And if she stayed her, she suddenly knew -

this place would kill her. 

A compass spun in her brain. She needed to go south. To the border. Her large, furry paws moved slowly, but quietly. She needed to come back to the forest. She needed to find the origin. She needed to seek out the source. To find where she came from. And she'd be free, and then she could go to where the others like her lived, and she could be with Amen, and Kekkai, and Aquarian and Zeke. Her precious friends, beautiful because no one had ever bothered to tell them they weren't, kind because they'd never had to be cruel, good because they'd never been here, never been to Alteron. 

If she stayed she'd be cinder dust at the fire pit. Just char. Maybe her bones and her awful antlers would be left, so that they could be gnawed upon by soldiers to sharpen their teeth. She felt something boil in her belly. She felt something desperate and ancient, the drive to flee, the need to escape some fangs that were quickly coming for her. Maybe it was because of her antlers, maybe it was because of the way Antaeus had made her break maybe it was the fact that she was separated from all the others who were like her but Eira ?

She finally pinpointed what it was about Alteron that terrified her. It wasn't that the pack was filled with wolves.

It was that she was so clearly prey.

[Huckle]

Clairvoyance was within Umbra's wildest dreams—both torturous and beautiful, slight in approach but powerful in impact—but she never thought reality had prepared such an elegant gift for her. Such things were reserved for the already fantastical, like Eira and her branching antlers or the pretty, poised princess of Gemini. Fantasies were fantasies, to her ever mounting disappointment. Umbra was not special.

She thought nothing of her whim to wander near Alteron's southern border. Maybe she wanted to see her mother, maybe she just wanted to walk? It didn't matter, really, because it was just aimless meandering. She took one of the well beaten paths, worn down by generations upon generations of Alteron's citizens (and some, she would come to learn later in her life, not), and eventually veered off toward a pretty patch of white flowers. There she paused to roll, nosing her long snout through the stalks, waving a brushy, vulpine tail. They smelled lovely, and she hoped they would lend their scent.

With her back against the petals and the sunlight on her belly, she was well hidden among flowers and not especially interested in glancing around. Maybe it was a little spark of intuition or a touch of something special after all. She did look, with a tilt of her head, and upside down saw Eira loping in such a purposeful way that it almost alarmed her.

She righted herself and sneezed delicately.

"Eira...?" she said, ears swiveling. "Where are you going?"

[Zach]

There was a certain amount of relief that often came with reassurance, like the crashing waves of an ocean. The relief of a child knowing they were not in trouble with their parents. The relief of a soldier emerging from war and realizing they were a survivor. The relief of a wanderer finally finding a home. The relief of a lonely mother reuniting with her children. The relief of coming back home.  

It didn't matter the size or strength of the waves – all of it still came from one body in the end. One heart.

Resting beneath the towering shadow of an ancient redwood tree, Zach rolled onto his side and sighed, the heavy, unfamiliar weight inside of him, for once, receding, just a little bit. It had settled there the day Alteron had brought its children to Inaria, and hadn't left him since. He didn't know what the feeling was. He didn't know why it lingered, fraying at his temper like a candle burning underneath a thinning string. Everything about that trip had tested his patience. It had been... unsettling. It still was.

He kept it to himself though.

Thankfully, the weight had lightened considerably since their return home. Zach figured it must have just been the stress of being in an unknown environment, surrounded by unknown people, that had been the cause of it. What else could it have been? Yawning, he pushed the thought from his mind and nestled his face against the soft patch of moss he rested on, closing his eyes, letting the familiar creaking sounds of the forest envelop him, lulling him into a light sleep...

Eventually, the sound of rustling foliage roused him again.

Tensing, Zach opened his eyes and immediately lifted his head up to see who it was, relaxing a moment later when he realized it was only Eira. He lounged just out her line of sight, several yards away, watching quietly as she loped determinately past, completely unaware of his presence. He tilted his head slightly to the side, a bit surprised. He hadn't expected to see her up and about, and so far from the den no less. She'd been down ever since their return from Inaria... likely missing her precious Gemini friends, no doubt.

It bothered him more than he cared to admit.

"I don't want to go back."

He remembered her confession in Inaria.

"It's home to you, it's not home to me."

He remembered thinking her feelings about Alteron would change. He still believed that.

He watched her disappear from sight and contemplated getting up and following, if only to see what kind of mischief she was getting up to. Eira's company was enjoyable when they weren't arguing. She was usually quiet. Quiet was nice. Perhaps he could even convince her to spend some time with him after. It had been awhile since the two of them had hung out together. Emboldened by thought, Zach stood up and stretched, shaking his golden coat, before heading after her trail to investigate.

He emerged quietly from the shadowed thicket, startling a little when he noticed Umbra, who was lounging prettily in a white bed of flowers. She was watching Eira as well. Wading through the white patch, he stepped smoothly around his moon dusted sibling, stopping beside her, his turquoise gaze, too, settling curiously (but sharply, always sharp) on Eira again. For once, he let Umbra's question fill the air, instead of speaking over it.

For once, he was silent.

[.Eira.]

There was a tiny noise. Eira very nearly jumped out of her skin.

But it was just a puppy sneezing, and then the sound of rustling foliage, and when Eira looked, she saw Umbra amongst a bed of flowers, bright blue eyes full of questions. Or at least - one question. 

"Eira...? Where are you going?" 

The hellion child spun to face the girl and pinned back her fluffy ears, though her single antler remained tall and spiraling alert upon her head. She hadn't expected to have to explain herself. She didn't really now how to explain herself.... And before she could, another adoptive sibling emerged. Zach's silence and the weight of Umbra's question hung in the humid air like fog. Eira hadn't planned on saying goodbye. She hadn't planned on making it harder for herself. 

"I'm....really sorry." She said, taking a nervous step backwards, towards the border. For a moment a horrible thought dug its claws in her brain - these children were Alteronian, if they knew her plan, would they turn her in? But no, surely not....this was Umbra and Zach, who cared about her even if they did not understand her, and surely they would not hand her over to a punishment that could very well be death. They wouldn't do that to her. They were wolves but they weren't like the other wolves here. They were good. 

"I...I have to go." She stammered. "I can't stay here anymore." A hot flush emerged across her face and she could feel the salt at the corners of her eyes. She hoped they didn't get in trouble because of this. But surely they couldn't blame her. If they cared for her, really cared for her, they'd let her go. They'd let her be free. She had to go past the horizon and to a place with blue roses and mysterious towers and great antlered beasts that roamed the forests with no fear. She wanted to live like that. She wanted to live with no fear.

She'd be among people like her. Abominations, she supposed. That's what Alteron saw when it looked at hellhounds, but Eira saw Zeke's tail that moved like a banner,  Kekkai's beautiful shining eyes that were full of joy,  and Amen's charming teeth that made her look like she was always smiling. Eira hated her own form, hated her too-long antlers and her too-long body and her too-long tail, hated that shaggy fur and hated glowing like such a clear target in Alteron's chill. But even if she had been born wrong and terrible, at least if she escaped she wouldn't die for it. At least she could try to make something. 

She looked to the boy and the girl who stood staring at her hesitantly. Did she really have to say it? How could they not know by now?

"I'm going to escape."

I'm sorry, I'm sorry for coming here, I'm sorry to have gotten close to you only to do this. You shouldn't love me, you shouldn't care for me, all I need is for you to let me leave and never come back. I love you and I'll miss you but I hope I never see you again.

[Huckle]

Umbra blinked, owlishly, as Eira's ears fell back. They didn't pin in anger like they USUALLY did; this was something different, something unsuited for the gruff, wayfarer hellhound. Something like guilt. Then Zach came out of the brush, sharp-eyed, and—and silent! It was the silence that made her nervous. She glanced to him, tail tip swishing between her ankles, and suddenly wished her mother was here. That was the core of everything, wasn't it?

" I'm....really sorry," Eira said, and... stepped backwards. Away from them. Away from her.

"Um," she said, head tilting, failing to vocalize what for?. A frown flickered across her face. The world became too loose, too bright, and she sensed a wide open space before her that she hadn't noticed before, like a hole in the dark, sunken from storms she thought couldn't hurt her.

" I...I have to go. I can't stay here anymore. "

" I'm going to escape."

Dumbfounded, she chills before the fervor of her adopted sister. Her friend, found on the edge of the borders with a vision in her head and a stubborn drive to fulfill it. Umbra is stardust but dust all the same, small and aimless, nothing but a single bright second in a universe full of stories so much more important and beautiful and full. Umbra is stardust but Eira is a true star, spinning through the great void, dodging and fighting against monsters standing in her way, lusting to strip her destiny, angry that something could possibly defy them. Because that's what a Star does, it continues on and has adventures and at the end...

Escape hung there, though, like a fang against her jugular, like a stinger in her heart. Escape meant that Alteron was prison. Escape meant that Umbra and Zach and Cuff and all the others were strangling vines binding Eira's wrists. It hurt—oh, it hurt—to be the footnote in someone's journey.

She wondered if she could go with her friend, passed the borders and beyond the forest, and her sigh came out as a wisp of breath. Eira did not even like Umbra. Eira did not belong with Umbra. Dust is to be left behind.

She swallowed, and it's hard, because her throat was tight and hot. She smiled, and it's hard, because her heart was beating like frantic bird wings. Her eyes shone, and that's easy, because they were wet.

"Oh, where... will you go...?" she began, a paw forward, and then she stopped, because Eira didn't like to be touched. "Eira, be careful. I—hope you find your family.  Um..."

She trailed off, and while she would have plenty of words later between her and her blank page, here, in the world where it mattered, she had nothing else to offer.

[Zach]

Words registered. Voices trembled. Intentions, at last, were laid carefully before a brother and sister, hesitant but clear.

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

Zach's silence finally broke.

Escape. Escape. The word reverberated loudly in his ears. He hadn't known what to expect, standing there, watching Eira with those sharp eyes in scrutinizing silence. It certainly hadn't been that though. It hadn't even crossed his mind. But it had to be a lie. It had to be. Surely she was only joking with them... right? But no—Zach could see, plain as day, the unwavering conviction on her face. It was blinding. It told him, without a doubt, that she meant every word she said.

The revelation almost stole his breath from him. Almost.

"So that's it," he said, flatly. He watched Eira, looking terribly cold in that moment, colder than he'd ever remembered being. "After everything we've done for you, you're going to run away and leave us. Just like that." Something in him seemed to break at those words. A fissure slowly formed between them. Grew a little bit more wider, a little bit (a lot a lot a lot) more painful, with each passing breath.

"We welcomed you into our home!" he suddenly snapped, bristling, baring his teeth. "Don't we—doesn't that mean anything to you?!"

He wished he could be like Umbra. He wished he could be soft and forgiving. But he wasn't. He would never be. He stood there, feeling cold and numb and utterly betrayed in that moment, listening as his moon-kissed sibling gave Eira her gentle blessings, watching as she found the strength to smile, despite the saddened gleam in her wet eyes. This was goodbye, those unshed tears said. They would never see her again. Never laugh or argue or cry. Never watch each other grow.

His chest felt incredibly heavy, though his own eyes remained dry.

"Did you even tell mom?" he asked. Cuff, more than anyone, deserved to know what the hellion girl was planning. She at least deserved a thank you and goodbye.

His turquoise gaze remained fixed on Eira, firm and unwavering, and for a terrifying moment, he almost wanted to lunge at her, wanted to be that unforgiving gravity that dragged her down, chained her, hurt her, preventing her from leaving them and their home forever, because he was selfish, so very fucking selfish, and he didn't care, he didn't care, even if it meant other people suffering for it in the end.

But he loved her. You didn't hurt the ones you loved.

"Alright," he said, slowly nodding, though there didn't seem to be anything remotely decisive about the motion. No, if anything, it seemed—done. Resigned. "Alright," he said, again, swallowing thickly, before deliberately backing up a step. Then another. Never taking his eyes off of her. Everything in me that is loyal to this place is telling me to stop you, the rigid restraint in his form said, but just this once, just for you, I won't.

Zach didn't understand why she wanted to leave, and maybe he never would. All the golden wolf saw was a strange girl that he'd grown to love, grown to call his sister, leaving them. Abandoning them for something she thought was better.

Please, a part of him that still refused to be silenced thought, don't run away. Don't leave us. Aren't we your family too? They'd built a lot of memories together. They'd created so many of them here. How could she want to leave all of that behind? Leave them? Did she really hate this place, hate all of them, so much? Zach was not a begging man, but this was the first time where he realized he actually felt tempted.

"Don't go," he almost said, the words hovering on the tip of his tongue. But instead, what came out was:

"You want to leave? Fine. Go. Get the fuck out of here."

But don't come back. Don't you ever come back.

Next time I won't have the strength to stand aside for you.

[.Eira.]

Umbra lamented, and Eira closed her eyes. Don't do that she thought. Don't look at me with big shiny water eyes and plaintive sighs. Is it so selfish for me to run from a place that wants to hurt me? Is it selfish to want to feel safe? I've gotta do what's right for me. You know? Don't smile don't do that this was going to be hard enough and dangerous enough already. Don't make this harder on me. Don't remind me of the reasons I love you. 

"Oh, where... will you go...?" The girl said, pulling an outstretched paw away before it could reach the hellhound. "Eira, be careful. I—hope you find your family.  Um..."

Eira felt a spike of pain in her head, in her heart. "Umbra..." She sighed. But before she could say another word, Zach had absorbed her words, decided to fling them back at her. 

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Eira turned to him, foxfire eyes full of bitterness. Her silence would be enough. No, Zach. She wasn't kidding you. "So that's it," he said. His face turned to ice and Eira narrowed her eyes. "After everything we've done for you, you're going to run away and leave us. Just like that."

"Fuck you." She answered. "Yes, I'm going to leave." She could explain more, explain that she didn't belong here, could never be happy here, that this was all a mistake. That she had to leave to survive. But she'd told them that a million times and they had never seemed to understand. How could they? What did Zach and Umbra know about being something ugly and misshapen and lost? They didn't understand and they never would. They were beautiful and acceptable and home. She'd never asked them to do anything for her. She didn't ask them to care about her. She certainly hadn't asked to care about them! 

"We welcomed you into our home!" He bared his teeth at her and she instinctively flinched, pinning back her ears and lowering her posture. Wolves really were like this, when pressed, weren't they. She shouldn't have been surprised. It was always snarling and threatening in Alteron. Zach fit in all too well. "Don't we—doesn't that mean anything to you?!" 

She didn't know what to say to that, so she didn't say anything. (Yes it meant something you think this is easy you think I wanted to make this choice? Whether I go or stay I feel like I'm cutting off my own leg to get out of a trap it was a mistake ever coming here it was my fault i'm sorry i'm sorry but I need to do this) 

"Did you even tell mom?"

Eira paused. She considered the golden boy, with his pretty hair and blue eyes. She was bitter, she was bitter about all of this, and she had to say it, she had to say it even though she wasn't sure it was true. She was ashamed either way. In a raspy whisper that seethed with anger, the hellion girl answered him. (She'd told him a thousand times and he never seemed to LISTEN) 

"She's. not. my. mom." 

The silence hung between the three of them for a moment. Zach considered her and for a moment Eira thought she might have seen him waver. 

"You want to leave? Fine. Go. Get the fuck out of here." 

She looked between them. Part of her wanted to linger, to run to Umbra and embrace her. To wait until Zach begged her to stay, and maybe she would. Maybe she could salvage some kind of life here. Maybe she could accept the flaws and dangers of the Alteronian system, accept the cruelties, look the other way. She could turn her gaze only at her family, and let them be enough. But they weren't her family, were they? Look at her. Look at her shaggy fur and long, catlike tail, and large feet and her single curved antler tipped in glowing blue. No. She wasn't one of them and she never would be. 

Casting a soft glance at Umbra, and a sterner one at Zach, she decided this was better anyway. Part on sour terms. Pull that bandage off all at once. She didn't want to miss them anyway, and she didn't want them missing her. She took another step back. And then she turned, and like all prey animals do, she began to run away. 

Fine. She'd go. She'd get the fuck out of here. 

She had somewhere to go, and this time she knew it was someplace better.