Private Roleplay  A Broken Mess (Charley)
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Sekirei She/Her
Resident Changling
Nardir
*****
Posts: 185
Pronouns: She/Her
Location: Toledo














#1
(This post was last modified: November 15, 2018, 12:23:16 PM by Sekirei.)

Italics: thoughts


It was nighttime. The full moon shone above the trees. A dark figure limped through the woods of his homeland. Akutan made his way to the border. He had to leave. This wasn't a decision made lightly and after what happened...what he did...what other choice did he have? He had come back to himself and spiraled into a vortex of fear, shame, and self-loathing. After he decided he had to leave this place...again...it finally gave him something to focus on. His leg was nowhere nearly healed enough to be making this journey but he honestly didn't care. His nerves were shot and he felt claustrophobic being in the land of his birth after what happened. His leaving at night was no coincidence either. He was damn near terrified of everyone else, even his own family and whatever friends he still had. He knew how it was going to look when the rest of the pack discovered he was missing but he had already lost everything and disgraced himself so thoroughly, that he couldn't fall any lower. He knew a majority of them would take things at face value. They would be satisfied with their own conclusions and how it looked to them. But how things looked to him wouldn't matter to them because they would never stop to look at things from his perspective. He didn't matter to them. 

That was the hard truth. No one else would make the serious effort to listen to his spirit just crying out, wanting them to understand that there was something wrong with him. Something he couldn't control. Something he couldn't even name. But no, he couldn't make them listen. They couldn't understand him. And he didn't blame them. Not one bit. All his attempts ended up backfiring because those cries for help were hidden by the words and actions that came out of his mouth. He was entirely to blame for that. He didn't want to burden them anymore. Without him around, things would finally be "normal". He wouldn't be dragging anyone else down with him.

While at first glance, Akutan seemed the picture of calm but if you took the time to feel the atmosphere, his stress levels were to the stratosphere. The strain it had on his heart was painful as well, making him stop several times because he thought he was going to have a heart attack. Even with the new focus on just getting out of this place alive, his mind kept spinning out of control. He didn't have much of a choice about leaving without a word. He came to the realization his own tongue kept screwing him over and no longer trusted his control over it. Hindsight was 20/20 and he noticed that he never had control. So he just...stopped. He'd rather deprive himself of his ability to speak if it meant even a little peace.

Reaching the border, the dark wolf stopped. His leg throbbed from the effort it took to get all the way to the border. Turning back to face the packlands he was born into, Akutan sat down and his mind quieted enough to take in what he saw. He wanted to commit the place to memory because he didn't know if he'd ever come back or even be allowed to if he ever got well enough. 

As he sat there, stress gave way to deep depression as he thought about what he was leaving behind. His cousins, his buried family, his home...her...their unborn pups. Akutan knew that he and Kyra, despite their best efforts, ended up screwing themselves over. He should've listened to that little voice in his gut who said they weren't the best match. If she didn't hate him before, she was going to hate him now. But she could never hate him to the extent that he hated himself. Was he a coward? Depended on who you asked. Did he have a choice? Oh hell no. He recognized the danger he was in on multiple fronts. Removing himself from the situation was the only way he was going to keep his head. His mind turned to the kids he wouldn't get to know even if he could come back. Why would Kyra want them around the family he was leaving behind? The Clan would be punished for their association with him by withholding Starfire's grandpups from them and she'd punish him in absentia by badmouthing him. While he deserved it wholeheartedly, it was still a very sour pill to swallow. He had no reason to believe otherwise.

"I've lost everything, burned bridges I don't have a prayer of rebuilding even though I wish I could. Even if I come back...Mercury would be well within her right to keep me out. I've caused nothing but trouble for everyone. I don't have much hope for forgiveness, either. Well, Grandpa...seems I'm as cursed as you claimed to be. And it hurts." he thought. After a bit, he pulled himself to his paws, wincing a bit as his wounded leg protested but he didn't so much as whimper. He turned around to go out into the Wilds. Where he'd go from there, he didn't know. Maybe he'd have some divine revelation about how to take his life back. Perhaps he'd meet the Reaper and go quietly to the afterworld. Either way, no one would miss him that much. He was starved for peace he just couldn't find in his own home. Whether it was out in the Wilds or in the gentle sleep of death, that was entirely up to Lady Fate.


If Roman Reigns has millions of fans, I am one of them. If Roman Reigns has only one fan, that is me. If Roman Reigns has no fans, I'm no longer in the world.

Hail the Roman Empire. Hail the Guy. Roman Reigns fan for life.
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Charley She/Her
Nardir
Nardir
*****
Posts: 369
Pronouns: She/Her
Location: in the woods















All Accounts Posts: 409
#2
(This post was last modified: November 15, 2018, 10:51:22 PM by Charley.)

K y r a,

Oh don't you dare look back, Just keep your eyes on me
I said you're holding back, She said shut up and dance with me

actions - “speech” - thoughts

Stuttering breath exhaled into the wild night. She lifted her nose to the full moon and closed her eyes to the moon beams, as if absorbing the power of mother moon herself. With each breath in the lonesome night it choked and started, tears forming in the corners of her eyelids, slowly trickling down her ruby red cheeks then into her cream white throat.

It had all gone so wrong.

When her breath finally steadied, and the tears started to wane, she looked up at the face of the Mother. Never before had she understood why they worshipped the moon, but on nights like this, she could begin to feel the veil grow thin and maybe start to peek at understanding.

She gained a new sense of herself as she bathed in the moonlight, her breath bringing in the chill midnight air. A bite of autumn on the wind, a bite of something restless brewing.

Kyra had run most of the night, now she walked along the borders. Suddenly she stopped and watched as a figure shuffled and limped to the borders and paused to see the land one last time.

The chill in the breeze entered her through her paws and her breathing stilled. ...no... She watched him, at this distance, drink in the land of his birth as if for the last time then turn his gaze beyond the borders.

"No..." She whispered incredulous, her breath forming a cloud in front of her, premature for the season.
"NO!" She yelled sharply and dashed for the spot he had just vacated.

She skidded to a halt and stood on the precipice, watching him, her paws freezing to the ground, unable to move a step further. She couldn't believe this. The wretch was running as if he had no other options! Her father had been waiting for him to ask for help, she had just been thinking of coming to him in the morning to talk things through. But now...

She was silent and watched him shuffle away, the raging fire in her ears slowly getting quieter. Her jaw setting, her gaze steeling over. A sensation of cold like freezing water washed over her and settled into the pit of her stomach.

He was abandoning her... He was abandoning them... He was running away from facing and fixing things. All she had wanted was to feel loved, all she had wanted was for him to talk to her. They had been stupid hormonal emotional kids who made a mistake and he was leaving her with both their mess. She couldn't run away from what was growing inside her, how dare he.

Fine, if this was the way it was going to be, so be it. She pulled herself up to her full height and silently watched him recede into the darkness. Her head was held high, the moon behind her cast his escape in silvery half light, her figure silhouetted against the Face of the Mother herself.  






ooc


Photo © Cedric Verstraete / modified coding © vixxie's codes / lyrics © Shut Up and Dance by Walk The Moon


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Sekirei She/Her
Resident Changling
Nardir
*****
Posts: 185
Pronouns: She/Her
Location: Toledo














#3

The sudden shout of NO startled the black wolf to the point where he physically jumped. The landing caused him to crash into the ground when his injured leg gave out. Stars exploded behind his eyes as the pain hit and he almost bit his tongue. Cursing up a storm in his head, his leg twitched and he tried to get his breathing evened out. Then it hit him who it was that nearly killed him with shock. "Oh...shit." he thought, slowly looking over his shoulder. Seeing Kyra standing there made him scramble back and hit his head on a low-hanging branch. It would've been funny if the circumstances hadn't been so dark. So much for making a quiet exit with no one the wiser until the dawn came. 

Akutan's wounds were bleeding again from the rough treatment but he wasn't paying attention to that. His pale greens were on Kyra, his fur fluffed, tail tucked, and his ears pinned. His terror was back in full force, permeating the air, and making it pretty obvious he was expecting an attack. Physical or verbal, didn't matter. His entire response was thrown on the side of flight. He was frozen in place, wondering if she would saying anything further and knowing full well his muteness was going to be yet another problem. His fear of speaking was the only thing outstripping his fear of the red female, locking his voice down even further. His injured leg was also pulling some of his thought processes away as he tried to figure out to best protect it from both further injury and because it was an obvious weakness. Not like it was going to do any good. He was probably dead where he stood now and it just hadn't hit him yet.


If Roman Reigns has millions of fans, I am one of them. If Roman Reigns has only one fan, that is me. If Roman Reigns has no fans, I'm no longer in the world.

Hail the Roman Empire. Hail the Guy. Roman Reigns fan for life.
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Charley She/Her
Nardir
Nardir
*****
Posts: 369
Pronouns: She/Her
Location: in the woods















All Accounts Posts: 409
#4
(This post was last modified: November 16, 2018, 08:33:47 PM by Charley.)

K y r a,

Oh don't you dare look back, Just keep your eyes on me
I said you're holding back, She said shut up and dance with me

actions - “speech” - thoughts

The cold moon warmed her back as she glared silently on the scene.

He had the audacity to be frightened. To cower before her like she was some sort of monster. As if she were the one who had clawed his leg and made him bleed. He sat there silently ripping every scrap of warmth from her body with his silence and his shudders. Despicable and manipulative that he would place all the blame on her. If he had given them half the chance, the pack would have rallied around him but he was the one pushing everyone away. Running into the night as if they were the ones that had lashed out against him. How dare he believe that her own father had cast him aside, how dare he believe he was being chased out. His actions where speaking louder than any of his words ever had.

He cowered before her as if he thought she would attack. Did he really know her so little? She never would have laid a claw on him! Yes they were mainly physical, a shove, a nip, a playful swat, but never in anger! Yelling, screaming, yes but never with her teeth and claws and here and now she was heavily considering it since he sat there speechless ripping her heart to shreds, leaving her, alone, to face this dangerous pregnancy all by herself. The longer she stood there the more she could feel her heart icing over.

He expected her to yell or attack. She did neither. Silently she stood there, slowly leaning forward, daring him to speak for himself. She had done enough speaking, it was obvious. It was his chance to explain himself, apologize or run.

And if he remained mute for much longer she'll chase him out herself for being such a thoughtless heartless self absorbed coward and send him on his way.

If he was going to make her into a monster... then so be it. Let him ruin her further. Already he stole her fire, take her dignity as well.

If he didn't start moving on his own, either back across the border to rejoin the pack, to forget this night, or away to chaos and roaming and broken dreams she would bare her teeth and start growling, leaning ever more forward. The act would further break the lost and abandoned child within her who had only wanted to be loved.

Don't make her chase you, Akutan. Don't steal the last shred of her wolfish humanity by chasing you. Shuffle on your own and at least give her this.

If he shuffled away on his own she would stand and watch him until she could see his form no more.
It took some effort but she felt she must. She spoke aloud, just loud enough for herself to hear it, as if they were standing face to face.
"Akutan." She said with a ritualistic tone, the word dropped from her lips and fell on the other side of the border, never to be tasted on her tongue again. She turned from the edge of Nardir and made her way inward to the Castle.


ooc


Photo © Cedric Verstraete / modified coding © vixxie's codes / lyrics © Shut Up and Dance by Walk The Moon


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