[Lyrium]

「L y r i u m 」

"Lyrium..."

I was running..at least I thought I was running.  It was so hard to see where I was much less what I was doing.  There was so much darkness..so much emptiness..A sinking feeling was drowning inside my chest as I realized I was stuck in the endless nightmare again.  It was suffocating me, drowning me in despair.  My throat was taunt and dry, my voice was cracking as I tried to grasp for words.  I felt my paws beating against something, but when I looked down there was nothing.  I wanted to curl up into a ball and cry.  No, I wanted to curl up into a ball and fucking just die.  It was the same thing over and over again.  I was running, falling into an endless darkness.  I never knew when I would ever see the light at the end, but there were times where I would always almost lose hope.

"Lyrium.."

I shoved my ears forward and jerked my head around.  There was nothing there, just darkness snaking its way around me.  I stumbled and was shoved onto my face.  I had rolled to my side, jerking up as I screamed...but nothing came out.  I was terrified..I could barely breathe..I wanted it to stop.  I tried to scream!  I just wanted to wake up.  Fucking wake up Lyrium!  Fucking wake up!  I jerked my paws up, beating at my head until I felt like it was going to burst.  Damn it you stupid worthless half breed fucking wake up!  This was not real, it can't be real!  I jerked my paws from my head as I felt something wet trickle down my skull.  My eyes widen in horrible as blood as black as the darkness dripped down to my paws.  

Wake up Lyrium..

My heart was racing so fast I felt like it was going to spontaneously burst out of my chest.  Oh gods!  I started panicking as I gasped for air.  The darkness was closing in on me, closer and closer it got.  I tried to back away but I had no where to run.  I was petrified, almost frozen like a statue.  My eyes were becoming blurry and I was grasping for more air.  My throat was getting tighter and my heart was pumping so fast..until...the darkness started to consume me....

"LYRIUM!"

I jerked up in a shock.  I felt like I was literally torn from my skin as I searched frantically around me.  Fiery eyes turned themselves, blinking rapidly.  I could feel my heart racing heavily against my chest.  I was finally able to register what was around me..snow..lots of lots of glorious fucking I never thought I would ever say this fucking snow.  I turned to look at my paws to make sure it was all just a dream.  They were clean, no blood, just paws crushed in snow.  I turned my attention to the tree I had decided to rest against.  I guess old habits died hard.  It was kind of weird to think about it.  I mean I had a perfectly good den to sleep in, and yet I choose to sleep out here.  Yea, old habits definitely do die hard.

"Lyrium?"

I jerked my head sideways, shoving my ears forward.  My eyes widen as a figure stood not to far away from where I had decided to take a nap.  She was odd looking..kind of like me.  She was wolfish in appearance, but she had horns that curved behind weird finned ears.  She had whiskers, like me, that flowed from her muzzle.  She had really stunning blue eyes and coloration that frighteningly matched mine...then she had fins..fins?  On her frame..it was odd...but..."Are you new here?  I have never seen you around these parts before....Who are you?"  A frown creased her features and she seemed disappointed..disappointed at what?  What did I do?  Was I suppose to know who she was?  I was confused..

"Lyrium..you should know your own mother.."

I did not think my eyes could get any bigger.  I shoved myself up to all fours and curled my lips into a snarl, exposing my fangs.  "You lie, my mother is fucking dead!"  I never had a chance to meet my mother, but the look on her face made my heart drop.  She had the look on her face like someone had slapped her hard.  It wrenched something in my gut and I was even more confused.  Why did she look at me like that?  The sad part was...even if she was telling the truth..not that I believed her..cause the dead don't walk among the living..but I had never met my mother nor did I have any idea what she had looked like.  She died giving birth to us and all I had was my father's, my aunt's, and my grandmother's memories of her.

"I'm sorry.."

I flinched and she started to turn away..no..no..no!  "Wait don't go!"  I pleaded, but it was too late.  She was fleeting away and I shoved myself forward after her.  I was racing across the terrain, but it was for nothing.  She was gone...she was fucking gone again!  I jerked to a halt near the bank of the lake, turning my gaze to stare at my reflection.  Great job Lyrium!  You stupid, useless half breed!  I growled rather loudly, shocking myself for a brief moment before I slammed my paws down at the snow curving along the edges of the water.  I shoved myself to my haunches as I slumped half over, my head drooping.  I was going crazy....the dead don't walk among the living..do they?

ooc:  Hmmmmmm *ponders* Mommy Dearest <-- click.  Imma go cry now, k?

[Yachak]

Y a c h a k,

“We cannot change our destiny, we just have to have the courage to know what it is, and accept it."

actions - “speech” - thoughts

The days passing his re-approval into his homeland were...Nostalgic, painful yet somehow relieving and joyful.

Yachak spent most of his days retracing old steps, taking note of every pebble that had been changed and unchanged. Every scent, every droplet of water and every flake of snow..Or thats what it felt like anyway. A smile had been plastered on his face most of the time, thinking of old and new finally coming together after such a long time.

Clenching his jaw, he couldn't help but feel a strange sensation around him. It brought back memories and almost immediately he knew what it was.

The voices. The spirits. They came hauntingly back to him and they greeted him all the same; their chilling voices echoing in his ears. With experience, he ignored them, but he knew that some new individuals may not. Worry crept over him as he thought about those who had been lured away by the voices. Somehow, they would get into your head and sometimes..Well, they seemed to devour your sanity with greed.

Although, perhaps his fears would be realized. A figure, dashing across the land. He certainly didnt see them, but he heard their paws thrumming heavily against the ground. Panic? Stress? Something was going on.

Despite his old bones protesting, Yachak sprung forward, his ears revolved forward as he followed the sound of their paws crunching against snow. Eventually, he felt his paws slither into the snow-prints she left.

His nose twitched as he slowed down. They'd stopped; but, they stopped at an interesting place. The Lake. He knew the smell of the frozen waters all too well.

"My Child." He'd rumble softly as he gently pressed forward in a slow step, cautious to not upset her further. "What is the matter?" He spoke warmly.

ooc

forest graphic © m-adking / coding © vixxie's codes

[Lyrium]

「L y r i u m 」

It was stupid of me to think I would ever have the chance to see my mother..she was dead and dead just were..dead were just that...dead.  They did not walk among the living.  They rotted into the ground and became apart of nature.  Maybe their soul dissipated into the air to be carried away by the wind.  Where they go from there I have no idea.  Maybe they were just destined to be a part of nature as well.  Maybe that was how the wind was created.  The whispers of the deceased.  Or maybe the souls are carried away to a life that has yet to be created.  I think the term was called reincarnation?  I have no idea anymore...I don't think anymore knows what exactly happens after someone dies.

There were times I found anything anyone says about the deceased to never be true...It's bad enough to have never gotten the chance to meet them..why would I want to be tormented with the after thought details?  I mean I guess the thought of them one day returning is kind of comforting; but they would be someone else..right?  I mean they were being carried away to another life to be someone else..why couldn't she have just stayed herself!?  I curled my lips into a snarl, anger shuddering through me.  What kind of twisted stupid deity would think it was okay to take her away?!  She was kind and generous and would never hurt a fly much less anyone else!

She was so fucking kind that she would...she would....she would give up her life so that..another..so that..so that we could live...I could fell the burning well up in my eyes as tears threaten to betray my emotions.  My mother gave up her life so that my siblings and I could have one.  She knew the risk..she knew the fucking risks and she still went through with it!  I hated myself even more.  I was the reason she would never smile again.  I was the reason she would never soothe my nightmares.  I was the reason..I was the fucking reason she was not here anymore!  I was the reason for father's heartache...I would not be surprised if he despised us..cause I would hate me too...

My head jerked up, swiveling to look behind me as I shoved my ears forward.  Someone was coming...then he came into view as he spoke to me.  My eyes widened for a brief moment before I narrowed them.  Fiery eyes studied him for a brief moment.  He looked..kind of older..so he may not be a threat.  He would more likely to break a hip then actually succeeding in trying to take me down.  Then again, looks can always be deceiving.  The elder wolf looked like them..smelled like them too..so he had to be pack, right?

I shifted my weight and straightened my posture as I shoved myself back up to all fours.  I turned to face the old male as I tried to gather my thoughts.  "Nothing really..only that I think I am losing my sanity.." I briefly spoke, my gaze darting from him for a brief moment.  I have never really been too great at speaking to others about my most inner thoughts despite how painful they were.  He was an older male though and would probably have a better understanding of the world than I did.  After all, I was pretty sure he has lived a good long life and perhaps has seen a lot of things.  I know that at times the most older of our kind were generally the most wise.

They had lived life and knew exactly what to say..at least the elder dog I had met once.  Even Grandma Sunrush had quite a few things to offer.  I slowly looked back to the elder male, "I..I.." I began to stammer, unsure if I really wanted to share my thoughts, "I thought..I saw my mum..but," I shook my head in disbelief, "There's no way I could have seen her cause...she died..I don't even know if it was her..I mean I've never met her.." I rambled on, "She gave her life for us...the dead don't walk among the living..right?" I narrowed my gaze into a hard stare.

ooc:

[Yachak]

Y a c h a k,

“We cannot change our destiny, we just have to have the courage to know what it is, and accept it."

actions - “speech” - thoughts

"Nothing really..only that I think I am losing my sanity.."



Yachak tilted his head and leaned forward some, "You are very close the lake." He'd rumble, "Step away and you may feel more relaxed.." Yachak suggested, concern rising in his voice for the younger female. She seemed shaken, worried, confused, perhaps even scared. Yachak's nostrils twitched as he took in her scent, so many things wafted from her, it was hard to pinpoint what she was feeling exactly. The poor child. It is good I found you, who knows what the folk could have made you do.

"I thought..I saw my mum..but,"

Her mother? Yachak took a few steps forward, ears swiveling in interest.

"There's no way I could have seen her cause...she died..I don't even know if it was her..I mean I've never met her.."

Oh, child. Oh, no, no, no. Yachak came forward, making an attempt to press himself against her in a gentle, hug-like lean.
If she denied it, he'd simply stay close and would attempt to just use his presence to soothe her.

"She gave her life for us...the dead don't walk among the living..right?"

"I fear...The folk may have tricked you, love." Yachak murmured, his eyes closing. "They cause these sorts of things to happen. The folk are mysterious and work against us yet with us. The fact they led you to the lake makes me worry for your safety." He'd open his eyes, gazing at her with great concern. "They may have been trying to take you away from us."

ooc

forest graphic © m-adking / coding © vixxie's codes

[Lyrium]

「L y r i u m 」

I narrowed my gaze at the oldtimer, head tilted to the side in question.  I had no idea what the hell he was talking about..but..he was older..so he should know what the fuck he was talking about, right?  I turned my head slightly to gaze at the lake once he mentioned it.  Fiery gaze staring down slightly at my reflection as I studied myself.  I was such a freak of nature...abnormally big ears, weird whiskers, long neck, body, legs, everything...but my tail was so long, fluffy, and...so damn pretty...such a freak.  You disgusting freak of nature...I mentally scowled at my reflection.  "I'll never ever be relaxed..." I mumbled under my breath.  It was the truth..seeing my mother's ghost wasn't the first time I felt so unsettled.  The darkness, the nightmares threatened to consume me every night..

I jerked my head back around as the elder wolf leaned himself against me in an attempt to...soothe me?  I tensed slightly as I tried to ponder how I should react to his touch.  The touch wasn't welcomed or unwanted..but I could not move from him or I would appear rude.  This was..so..very fucking..odd.  My emotions were mixed..all over the place.  I did not want or need the comfort; but it felt so good to be soothed.  To feel like I was not alone in my eternal nightmare..my very own hell.  I rolled thoughts over and over in my head as I tried to ponder how I should react.  I finally eased my tension until I felt a little relaxed.  I slightly leaned into his touch, feeling slightly awkward, but I was careful not to show it.

I shoved my ears forward as the old male continued to speak about these 'folks' and the lake.  They tried to trick me into believing I was seeing a mother I never met?  I knew what I saw...They were trying to take me away?  Take me where?  Was I being led to my death?  I swiveled my head as I gazed back at the lake, moving my body by instinct as I stepped closer instead of away as he had warned me.  Is it that easy to be led to your death?  Was it so bad to find comfort in something?  I had contemplated my death a couple of times.  It seemed so much easier..a way out from the nightmares..but then I thought about the life I had yet to live.

Yet, I had a darkness inside of me inching to get out.  I had to tell them..had to tell him..but I was afraid of what would happen.  I was afraid of the rejection.  I took a step back, pressing myself against the striped male as I settled myself into a sitting position.  A deep sigh escaped my muzzle and I turned my head down in shame.  "Probably would have been for the best..anyways.." I began to ramble, "I have a darkness..and I am terrified to tell him.." I sat in a daze, words loose from my mouth as I tried to make sense.  I think he was right and I need to get away from the lake.  I was drowning in my own pity and it was fucking disgusting.  I curled my lips into a snarl, exposing fangs..not even sure what the hell I was growling at.

ooc: