[Hanna]

ooc: uncolored text is dream dialogue...tho Zeki is welcome to say that she talks in her sleep if you really want him to hear this twisted shit, Mutter.

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Chaotic dreams full of fire and combat retain their vengeful edge, yet, they manifest in new form with in the Shihan as she sought some small amount of freedom through her slumbering. A cluster of tiny babes began to fall silent at her side, as Hanna, sweet Hanna, offered false sympathies, and empty promises to the displeased Rosa who had eagerly come to collect them. Of course, in the dreamland, her Cheshire grin could be as wide as could be, but still go undetected by the petulant God. The White appeared to grow more and more visibly upset. Nevertheless, no harm came to Hanna this time as she cooed at the girl, before shooing her away.

“My apologies, Gigantea.” A thousand apologies in fact, Little Goddess, and not even one was genuine. “Next time, Gigantea,” Oh, please come into my head again, and next time would be the same too…. “Just you wait, Gigantea.” You’ll continue to gain nothing from me.

What came with this fantasy, at times; was a rush of comfort as she awoke. Often a fleeting feeling, of course.

Nobody knew just how easy it would be for Hanna to make such an imagining real. There was a cruel similarity between herself and Anamelech that none had been privy to, and if the children squirming around in her belly, growing bigger day by day, had been sired by any other wolf it would’ve been too easy to give the tyrant that sort of “fuck you” in response to everything that’d been done. Perhaps…. perhaps though, Anamelech was not as childish as she seemed to be. Maybe she’d been perceptive, clever, and had recognized a similar beastliness within Hanna that was comparable to her own self. With that in mind, it made perfect sense why she’d chosen to use Ezekiel as a part of her ploy.

The uplifted feeling that came with the conjured up hollow victory never failed to die away as her brown eyes opened and she stayed awake for longer than a few seconds.  

If they belonged to anyone else—

Anyone—

Hanna would smother the life out of each one as they were born. Leave them enveloped in their sacks until they died, and lick them clean just before the White came calling to inspect. It seemed a simple thing in the female’s head until cruel reality decided to shake her fully awake.  

THEY WERE HIS! THEIRS!

The truth would always greet her with a jarring slap across the face. She could not bring herself to do it. Not to them, certainly not to him, and that was just as inevitable a fact as Ana’s eventual ownership of Hanna’s brood. And if she had the additional misfortune of being pulled back to sleep, his devastating expression would be waiting for her behind those closed lids.

“Hanna…. Hanna…. What have you done?” His sad face conveyed as much, but in her visions, she could still hear his long-lost voice like it once was, despite his tongue still being torn. She can stammer and stutter every manner of excuse, every reasoning in the world, and “I’M SORRY!! SO SORRY!!” Over and over again. The fact never changes that she has stolen something precious to him in these dreams. In reality, too…

She’s failed him all over again, just like before, and the time after that. It seems like that’s all she can do.  

“How could you?!” He demands, cutting her deeper than the wounds he’d carved upon her back.

                    “How could you?!”

                                                    “How could you?!”

“I’VE ALWAYS LET YOU DOWN, HAVEN’T I!” A chilling confession only aimed at herself. “OF COURSE, THIS WOULDN’T BE DIFFERENT!” He shouldn’t have come back to her. She should’ve never wished for something so hard and so much. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry…m’ sorry.” Eventually the haunting vision gives way, and Hanna stutters the apology as she wakes. Whatever salt clings around her sunken orbs is rubbed away. She grimaces a bit at the raw flesh tugging along her spin while her fat body rolls around. “D-did I wake you again?”

There’s an apology for that too, but it’s not what the initial ones were about. “I-it’s not even morning yet is it…I…geez.” What a mess she was. She failed so incredibly at anything involving him.  

“ ”