She left the border with red paws made of lead. She struggled to keep her head high but as she found herself at the bottom of the Queens ramp looking up, past the royal den and into the night sky, something cracked. She bit her lip as it hit her what she was about to do. Suddenly her paws where light and ready to fly, ready to take flight into the woods, sure that when she returned he would be there and it had all been a dream. She couldn't do this. It was in the middle of the night for one and she didn't feel like queenie would appreciate the interruption over this. She wondered how much Mercury knew of what had been going on. Surely everyone had seen her... outburst as much as it was. Other than that... Regardless she had a duty to do. She was the one who had regretfully witnessed it.

It was easy to make it a duty, she put on a mask, straight faced she climbed the ramp. She would sit in the open air balcony until morning. When Mercury would emerge from her den, Kyra would be the first thing she saw.

With a sigh the red woman lay down heavily on the balcony and looked out at the night cloaked scene. The full moon was casting its silvery romantic light upon the lake. She closed her eyes to it, she couldn't bear it. Something fluttered in her side and she felt a cramp, she shifted her position and the ache subsided. When she opened her eyes she had turned her gaze upon herself. She was definitely starting to show. Her side was starting to swell and this wasn't a full meal bloat anymore.

She lay her head down and waited for the sun to rise. Dozing and staring into the cliffside wall next to the Queens den doorway. The morning couldn't come soon enough.  

ooc

Mercury's morning was going to start earlier than she'd intended, it seemed.  The Dark Moon had awoken with the intention of going down to the lake.  Instead she found a Bear sleeping on her doorstep.  But not just any of her Guard, but Kyra.  Mercury's eyes narrowed.  Something was wrong.  Kyra had obviously thought Merc would need to be informed, but why not wake her?  Was she simply guarding the door?  Had a visitor come in the night? Or was it internal...  It wasn't a secret that Kyra and Akutan were on the rocks.  It also hadn't been hard to put two and two together, although an official announcement had yet to be given.  Therefore, Mercury could pretend she didn't know... if that's what Kyra wanted.

"Kyra."

She called the red girl's name, hoping it would be enough to rouse her.  Whatever this was, it had kept Kyra from a good night's sleep in a warm den.  It meant it was important enough that Mercury wouldn't slip past her to leave her asleep.  If the two women had anything, it was mutual respect.  

At the sound of her name Kyra slowly opened her eyes and lifted her head from the cold ground. She hadn't been sleeping deeply, it was more of a numb haze. She looked at the queen with a distant gaze, not knowing where to start.

Here it was, the moment she had been dreading all night and she could barely speak. She glanced back the way she had come last night, as if to remind herself why she was here. And she sighed.

"He..." She started and cast her gaze to the ground. She cleared her throat then looked up to the queen, her gaze again distant but more steely this time.

"The father of my pups has deserted us." She said flatly, she didn't have the energy to get up. She would not speak his name again. She had let go his title to her, their relationship. He ripped it from her when he decided to abscond with it in the middle of the night. He had so many other options, but no. He had to go about it in a way that would cause the most damage. She wanted to move on from this moment, but she didn't know how.

ooc

The Dark Queen watched the Red Bear's body language.  It was clear that what she came to say was troubling, but the anxiety radiating from her spoke volumes.  Akutan had been Mercury's biggest thorn since she had retaken the throne.  The son of Storm had none of the composure and inner-strength of Byakko, who had mentored her in her youth.  In short, she had not gotten the best impression from her latest interactions.  She had been willing to overlook his attitude and injury as stress from a serious of upheavals.  After all, Nardir was undergoing change.

"He - The father of my pups has deserted us."

There was a moment of complete silence, then Mercury sighed heavily.  She had questions, but she wasn't sure that any of them were things that Kyra could answer.  Why would he leave now?  He had been injured, he should have rested, healed.  But no, whatever was eating at Akutan drove him to this. He wanted to be the patriarch of his bloodline, but when she had given him a chance, he had thrown it back in her face.  All their faces.  She had made him a leader and he had abandoned them. It was enraging, but one look at Kyra and the Queen swallowed her personal feelings.

"You are sure?"

Confirmation would allow them to move forward.  Mercury was already considering what needed to be done next.  Depending on what Kyra reported, she would have a tough conversation to have with the pack.  And suddenly her Star Council was much smaller.  What would Byakko say?  Stars only knew.

The silence hung between them like a black sticky mess. Kyra had no idea what was going on in the queens head and the last thing she expected was her reply of whether or not she was sure.

Kyra's fur visibly bristled as an almost instant response but the woman took several breaths and looked away to close her eyes and center herself, flattening her fur again. She was not sure if Mercury was questioning whether she had saw him leave or whether desertion was his motive. Either way, Kyra was not about to risk the Queens respect by getting mad and risking her approval. Mercury was not technically family and Kyra knew she had to tread much more carefully around her. She knew she always had her father's love, which was why she was constantly subconsciously testing it, it had been the same with Akutan, and her mate had failed. The Queen had the power to cast her out.

"I am sure... it was him," She said through her teeth, "We locked eyes until he limped away." She felt the energy coming back and she had the itch to move and pace, a scowl replacing her flat tone, anger and fire coming back to her speech.

"I didn't want to believe it. I couldn't imagine he could even get that far and even had the gaul to keep going after seeing me." She had gotten up and raked her claws over the patio to fling a rock over the side then turn and pace in front of the Queen. "I don't even know what's been going in that rock for brains head of his with all he's shared with me! The entire time we walked from Inaria I was sick to my stomach! Did he notice? NO! Not once! Not an iota of question! Did he invite me to any family gatherings? Nope. And he barely took lead on the mission and got himself laid up by that damn bear." The flood gates were open, everyone was probably waking up to her hormonal agitated sleep deprived over stressed voice getting louder and louder and louder.

"And then Byakko and Raka! He just left me! He didn't even try to wake me for something so important! Its as if I didn't even exist to him anymore! I could barely handle the whole thing!" The first time she was able to talk about it, tears started welling up in her eyes, "I couldn't handle it! Byakko was like a second father to me! To a lot of us! But also to me! and that shit head didn't even care or even seem to want me around to console him or help each other or support each other through it all! Isn't that what this relationship is for? What we're supposed to do when you decide to become a family? He completely ignored me!" She shook her fur out, trying to regain control of herself, lower her voice again and shake off her tears.

Shaking her head in disbelief she looked back to the Queen, "I finally tried to talk to him about it. I had a headache, I hadn't eaten well in weeks, everything tasted sour or off, or gross so granted I wasn't in the greatest mood but he needed to know. He needed to know that he was going to be a father and I was feeling left out. I didn't know if he was going to be around for me in our relationship, or if he just wanted me to make kids for him - and I'm not going to be some brooding cow for anyone." She said the last bit with venom and her old fire before shaking her fur out again.

"So I went to him. And his cousin was treating him, and he just looked at her like she had to give him permission to speak to me,, his mate, his lover, the woman carrying his pups. I lost it. I yelled, I screamed I told him how I felt and..." Kyra sat there retelling that particular day and just with her mouth open, looking over Mercury's shoulder she just sat there shaking her head, unbelieving for another moment.

"He... like, I don't... I don't even know! He lashed out! Sara got all in my face and told me she was ashamed for me for my pups sake, I'm not even going to start into that, and that I should be freaking thankful he ignored me, like what? and she started to treat him and he like... He like snapped and just grabbed her! Ticon got into it and it was this big mess and I ran off."

She really didn't mean to just spill all her problems to the monarch of the entire pack like they were best friends and when she realized it and started to calm down she shut her jaw with a clap and sat in a rush. It caused her side to complain with a cramp which caused her to gasp and scrunch the side of her face in pain until it went away with a much slower shift.

"Sorry." She apologized and bent her head down, casting her mismatched gaze to Mercury's feet. As her mind and body started to slow down again an ache was starting to form in her chest.

ooc

Mercury had wanted to be sure that Akutan intended to leave the pack, but her simple question opened the floodgates.  Kyra's passionate heart burned, and the torrent of pain, anger and hurt exploded forth from her.  The Queen was a bit taken aback, but aside from jumping slightly as Kyra's volume crescendoed, she remained silent.  Suddenly it wasn't a report.  It was what Kyra had been bottling up, and the muddled, jumbled tale was flavored with feelings that she could no longer contain. She was aggitated, getting up and down and kicking stones, pacing this way and that.  Clearly, she was beyond the everyday anger of an argument. The Dark Moon empathized with the Red Bear. 

Akutan had been so wrapped up with himself, with no regard to others. He was so focused on being the leader of the X clan, he forgot he was Nardirian.  She'd hoped it was youthful ignorance that had made him argue with her that day.  But the behavior continued, and he threw away the second chance she had given him.

Kyra felt used, to say the least.  Suddenly dumped, about to become a single mother.  If she had been sick since Inaria... She was much further along than she'd told anyone.    It was probably more accurate to say she had been abused.  It may not have felt that way at the time, but now, here she was, carrying pups it didn't seem she even wanted. Had they even mated officially?

There was another issue with Akutan's outburst.  The fact that he attacked Sarajevo, who was not only a member of the pack, his healer, she was his family.  If he was so willing to attack someone, hurt someone as a way of acting out, that was another matter altogether.  And not just picking a fight with another member who could take him, like Ticon.  No, he lashed out at a girl who didn't fight back.  A punching bag.Had Sara always been so weak-willed, or had she been brutalized since childhood?   Mercury's expression darkened. 

"Sorry."

Kyra apologized, suddenly remembering herself.  The Queen shook her head, reining in her expression.  It was obviously confusing Kyra.

"No need to apologize." She assured the girl.  "But it does leave me little choice."

She straightened her posture and gazed royally down her nose at Kyra.

"Akutan is hereby demoted from Ursa Major and is declared a Lone.  As such, I am promoting you to the position."

She raised a paw in the event that Kyra would begin to protest, but continued on.

"As I realized your... predicament... will soon interfere with your duties, I ask that you select a bear you would like to cover your leave of absence."

Mercury assured her she didn't need to apologize, but his actions didn't leave the queen much choice. That seemed to be a theme for him. He made all the choices and didn't leave many left for those around him.

"Akutan is hereby demoted from Ursa Major and is declared a Lone.  As such, I am promoting you to the position." Kyra was surprised, before she could remember herself again she opened her mouth to protest but clamped it again when the queen held up her paw to hold it off.

She then went on to say Kyra should elect a stand-in for her when she took her leave of absence when the pups came along.
Kyra sat with her head low but her eyes upturned and her ears perked.

What a turn of events... She sat dumbfounded for a moment taking it all in. "I... was not expecting..." Kyra started slowly as she pulled her head up. Then the youngest of Sara's brood came strolling up making her squeaks. It seemed she had heard them and thought maybe they were calling for her mom.

"Oh hey there Bee, no. No bears. A different kind of bear." Kyra said softly turning her attention to the little one, her demeanor had immediately softened as she focused on the pup, "We sometimes call the guards bears. Sorry kiddo, I was yelling. I'm a little mad right now. I said your mommy's name but it's ok. We don't need her right now." She said and tried to nose the little girl, She invited Beatirice to sit in the crook of her side so she could wrap her tail around her, "It's ok. I'm done yelling now. Thank you for checking." She watched the little kid for a moment noticing a weird feeling. She hadn't known she was really capable of... that.

She looked back up, back to the task at hand. She didn't know where to restart but the weight in her chest wasn't going away, it suddenly felt even heavier at the prospect of her new title. She swallowed and took a deep inward breath. Mindful of the child nearby now.

"It's a huge responsibility. I need to properly reacquaint myself with Sycon and Kodiak before I choose someone. I think Ticon might be too close to this to elect him." She was processing outwardly, she needed to talk things through in order to fully realize them, and she was looking beyond the ground as she talked out loud, then paused and squared her self up.

"Thank you. I... I need a little time to... figure things out." Her heart was starting to race. Her way of figuring things out was honestly running and hitting things. Soon, the time for running away for alone time was coming to a very abrupt close. The window of time she felt she had more freedom to do what she liked was narrowing. As motherhood approached and now leadership of the guild placed on her shoulders she very much felt like she was a child wearing her father's shoes. She wasn't ready for any of this but... She really wasn't offered a whole lot of choices.

"Mind if I start meeting with the others tomorrow?" Kyra asked, she had a long night, and while she was tired she wanted to do... something with her paws or else the the spiral of doubts would start descending.

ooc

Kyra protested to her proclamation, but  Mercury had been prepared for it.  For all her boisterous personality, Kyra was a simple mind.  She was an honorable, straight forward soul.  In that , she and Mercury had much in common.  So when the Dark Wueen had reviewed what she knew of the pack remained, she had found that it had been Kyra who had been a grounding force.  Kyra, who took Akutan's wild mind and had put forwards the mission.  She, who had seen her mate abandon her, and the first thing she had done was come to Mercury.  Whether it had been pain or duty that had made her do so, it didn't matter.  What did matter was that Kyra was displaying what Mercury valued most.   Duty above all else.  Here was a she-wolf who had had her amte abandon her, had her life shredded into insurmountable pieces, and who had chosen to report it to her Queen.  Never mind the pain it had caused her.  Never mind how she was feeling.  She had decided to spend the night in the cold in front of Mercury's doorstep.  These actions alone had spoken more than Kyra's words ever could.  And where action was the real measure of intelligence, Kyra's actions were more than Mercury needed.

But then their early morning was interrupted by an unexpected guest, and Mercury found herself face to face with one of Sarajevo and Buckshot's daughters.  Despite her small size and developing mind, Beatrice showed some promise as an inquisitive youngster.  The type Mercury expected she had been in her earliest years.  Inquisitive to the point of getting herself into trouble. But even at this young age she showed subservience.  She knew what, if not who, Mercury was.

Mommy. Be-aaar?

"Oh hey there Bee, no. No bears. A different kind of bear.We sometimes call the guards bears. Sorry kiddo, I was yelling. I'm a little mad right now. I said your mommy's name but it's ok. We don't need her right now.It's ok. I'm done yelling now. Thank you for checking,"

The Dark Queen sat silently as Kyra addressed the pup, letting the scene unfold naturally.  The Red Bear tactfully explained what had happened without revealing anything.  She'd make a good mother, Mercury thought to herself.  Of course, she didn't say so.  There would be time enough for that later.

"It's a huge responsibility. I need to properly reacquaint myself with Sycon and Kodiak before I choose someone. I think Ticon might be too close to this to elect him. Thank you. I... I need a little time to... figure things out."

"Of course, take the time you need." Mercury agreed, although perhaps not agreeing to as much time as Kyra really wanted. "I intended to speak to the guard soon at any rate.  Would you like me to be there when you address them?"

The silent backing of support was offered.  Considering everything, it was a lot to put on an expecting mother.  But to Mercury's eyes, Kyra had been acting as Ursa more than Akutan had.  After all, what other guard was so punctual about their reports?  Kyra's forthright way of thinking was exactly what she expected of the Guard.  A prime case of "lead by example".