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+---- Thread: Kashmir's Halfway House For Loud Orphans [ARCHIVE] (/thread-1574.html)
Kashmir's Halfway House For Loud Orphans [ARCHIVE] - Kashmir - October 19, 2017
[02:57] -- slenderSpider [SS] It's some time after the war. They've purified the water. Cleaned up all the ghastly mess. Kashmir is roaming the outskirts without much aim. Probably patrolling. Or brooding. Suck it up, Kash. –
[03:01] -- skullPunk [SP] Had been kind of lurking around at a distance for a while now, never close enough to be detected and never... really... close enough to actually see what was going on either. He mostly just saw a bunch of little dots moving around, got scared, and took until now to actually approach them. I mean. What? He was studying them! Their!! Tactics!!! AND NOW!! Was the perfect time to make his move. He was hiding behind a perfectly placed boulder. Unfortunately his stupid hair stuck out from the top.
[03:06] -- slenderSpider [SS] tenses, head dipping low and neck bristling. A stranger, close to the borders, and trying to hide from him. Suspicious. The jackal comes closer, all black-striped olive, his eyes twin points of light. This intimidating look starts to slowly slide away from him like a really shitty mask and phase into some stoic Kashmir version of what-the-actual-heck when he spotted hair sprouting from a nearby boulder. Okay...
[03:06] SS: What... are you doing here?
[03:08] -- skullPunk [SP] Did not actually hear Kashmir coming and was under the delusion that he was much farther away, so when the voice happened, well --
[03:08] SP: HOLY FUCK
[03:09] SP: WHAT!!!
[03:09] SP: YOU, SHIT, DON'T ASK ME THAT, FUCK YOU!
[03:09] -- skullPunk [SP] Is just kind of yelling words, they don't even really seem to be directed at Kashmir but the fact that he exists --
[03:12] -- slenderSpider [SS] doesn't like Curse Words. He grimaces irritably and repeats himself. Maybe this wolf's ears didn't work so well. --
[03:12] SS: What. are. you. doing. here.
[03:13] SS: I can see you. Your hair is sticking out.
[03:15] -- skullPunk [SP] sounds like hair-boulder is hyperventilating and then two big paws appear on top of the rock. Pushes himself up. Glares down!! At!! What he fuck is that?! Its' so small --
[03:15] SP: What are you tryin' to kill me, dude? Why! You can't be sneakin' up on people like that! Ain't cool, man.
[03:16] -- skullPunk [SP] Immediately realizes that stripey is probably a kid as well because?? so small?? wow --
[03:16] SP: Whaddya mean what am I doing here?? What's it look like? This is my turf, buddy.
[03:17] SP: You wanna like hang out in it or something though that's cool, you feel me........
[03:19] -- slenderSpider [SS] has an expression on his face that I could take the time to describe but really it's basically just this: 8| --
[03:19] SS: No...
[03:20] SS: You're close to /my/ home.
[03:20] SS: I wanted to know why.
[03:21] SP: Uhh.
[03:22] SP: I dunno man it just kinda seemed like a good idea at the time you know?
[03:24] -- slenderSpider [SS] A staring contest commences! Kash looks at weird kid. Weird kid looks at Kash. A convenient gust of wind passes by beyond them. --
[03:24] SS: ... ... ... ...
[03:24] SS: Fine.
[03:25] -- slenderSpider [SS] turns as though to leave. Pops off with a shrug of an afterthought. --
[03:26] SS: You should learn to hide a little better.
[03:26] SP: .......
[03:26] SP: WHOA WHOA!!! HEY!
[03:26] SP: What!
[03:26] SP: No!! You!!! Fucking cheated or something!
[03:27] SS: I never cheat.
[03:27] -- slenderSpider [SS] Even Kashmir has to wonder why he said that. You are SO BAD at other people, hole guy. –
[03:27] -- skullPunk [SP] Makes a OOooOOooOOOoooOOooooo noise its really loud and obnoxious --
[03:28] SP: SOMEBODY'S a little prissy rule lover, huh, stripes??
[03:29] -- slenderSpider [SS] stares into the abyss. This is his life. One day you're winning a war, the next day you're arguing with some insane kid on your own border. --
[03:29] SS: Yes.
[03:30] -- slenderSpider [SS] One deadpan motherfucker. –
[03:30] SP: Oh
[03:30] -- skullPunk [SP] ok he didn't expect that so he needs a second --
[03:30] SP: I mean aight. That's cool I guess.
[03:32] -- slenderSpider [SS] sighs. Takes two steps and then just kind of stops. --
[03:32] SS: How old are you?
[03:32] SS: Are you alone out here?
[03:33] SP: Uhhhhhhhhhh
[03:33] SP: I dunno dude I saw it snow this one time so however old it is to see that?
[03:33] -- skullPunk [SP] how the fuck do you know how old you are?? --
[03:34] SP: And!! Yeah!! Hahah!! Just! Roughing it on my own you know? Gotta strike out sometime!!!
[03:34] -- skullPunk [SP] laughs kind of high pitched and awkwardly --
[03:37] SS: Oh...
[03:37] SS: I guess you're right.
[03:38] -- slenderSpider [SS] has no further comment it seems. Do I... do I invite him in, or... –
[03:38] SP: Soo like, stripes, you gotta... mom or dad around or like......... you by yourself......................
[03:38] -- skullPunk [SP] please be my friend --
[03:43] -- slenderSpider [SS] What a weird question. Kash isn't fluent in aggressive freestyling punk and does not realize he thinks the marquis too is a child. --
[03:43] SS: I've always been by myself.
[03:44] SS: Well. There's my pack.
[03:44] SS: I thought you might try to sneak in. I guess not.
[03:45] SP: What for real? By yourself always?
[03:45] -- skullPunk [SP] by this point his chin is also on the boulder and he's looking at Kashmir in a way that is kind of pathetically hopeful. Tail wags. --
[03:46] SP: Me too!! Ha ha It's so great isn't it?? Being totally completely alone forever?
[03:46] SP: What the fuck is a pack?
[03:47] -- skullPunk [SP] can you eat it –
[03:48] -- slenderSpider's [SS'S] mouth curves up stiffly. Ha ha! Fake smile hiding real pain!! --
[03:48] SS: ... It's fantastic.
[03:48] SS: I suppose I had a mother once. But that was a long time ago.
[03:49] SP: What like, a couple weeks?
[03:50] -- slenderSpider [SS] regards him further. Decides to sit down. Sets his paws down, daintily side by side. Was this a kid that had lost his family somewhere along the line? A chaotic castaway, like Cappella had been? --
[03:50] SS: Years.
[03:50] SP: ...
[03:50] SP: ..................
[03:50] SP: .. . . . . . .................
[03:51] -- skullPunk [SP] looks as if he's trying to solve a complex math problem --
[03:51] SP: ................. . . . you're fucking old ain't you
[03:52] SS: What... no.
[03:52] -- slenderSpider [SS] looks kind of offended. --
[03:52] SS: Did you... think I was younger...?
[03:53] -- skullPunk [SP] too late hes now waving his front legs around like an Italian describing something over the phone (much like his player) --
[03:54] SP: I cannot BELIEVE your dusty ancient ass is all up in my BUSINESS
[03:54] SP: who the fuck!! do you think you are!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[03:55] SS: ... You thought I was a child.
[03:55] SS: You did.
[03:56] -- slenderSpider [SS] i'm not a child you big-haired INFANT i'm just SHORT --
[03:56] SS: Why are you angry?
[03:57] SP: THE fuck you DOING on those TINY LEGS?!
[03:58] -- skullPunk [SP] looks like he is SERIOUSLY, VERY PERSONALLY INSULTED by the fact that this child is actually a TINY, FULL GROWN ADULT MAN DOG. --
[03:58] -- skullPunk [SP] gestures wildly at all of Kashmir --
[03:58] SP: This ain't natural!
[03:59] -- slenderSpider [SS] is annoyed. Why is this kid still here. Why is he yelling. Ow. --
[03:59] SS: Neither is... that thing on your head.
[03:59] SS: You're going to be eaten by a saber someday.
[03:59] SP: The fuck you talking about......
[03:59] SP: What no
[04:00] SP: My hair is COOL
[04:00] SP: There's nothing COOL about TINY LEGS
[04:00] SS: I saw it from all the way up that hill. So will that saber.
[04:01] SP: Man fuck your saber!!! I kick saber ass all day long I don't need your lecture!!!!
[04:02] -- slenderSpider [SS] There is a long beat of silence. Possibly another dramatic staring contest. Definitely a return of 8| face: Electric Boogaloo. --
[04:03] -- slenderSpider [SS] slowly lifts one of his acclaimed tiny legs. --
[04:03] -- slenderSpider [SS] And wipes a smear of dirt on the kid's big dumb pompadour. –
[04:04] -- skullPunk [SP] somewhere in the distance a volcano is exploding. here in the present there is no volcano, just a really red and angry teenager who has just faced the worst injustice in his entire life. His mouth falls open. His eyes are wide. He is TRIGGERED. --
[04:05] SP: YOU MOTHERFUCKINGIHW KLWEHRWE HWHRWHREHWHR
[04:05] -- skullPunk [SP] and that's how a really big stupid kid lunged at kashmir, who killed like 600 npcs at this point and some weren't even npcs, RIP thresher. --
[04:07] SP: I'M GOING TO!! EAT YOU OR SOMETHING CMERE
[04:07] -- slenderSpider [SS] is almost knocked on his ass with a little more than a glancing blow. But today he's spared that indignity. Just like Pompadour will be spared from becoming Dead NPC #601. --
[04:09] -- slenderSpider [SS] immediately leaps to the side, trying to latch onto the kid's nape as he passed him and use the hold to clamber atop him and shove him nose-first into the ground. –
[04:10] -- skullPunk [SP] SNAPs his REALLY BIG stupid jaws and is somehow totally shocked when the FAKE KID MAN DUDE is not between them. He is even more shocked when he is THROWN, and then CLIMBED, and then SMASHED INTO THE DIRT. --
[04:10] SP: Ouh my gouhd ouw
[04:11] SS: Stop it.
[04:11] SS: Calm down.
[04:11] SS: Then I'll let you up.
[04:11] SP: I AM!!!!!!!!!! CALM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[04:11] -- skullPunk [SP] he's not calm –
[04:11] -- slenderSpider's [SS'S] eardrums literally just fucking explode. --
[04:12] SS: S t o p.
[04:12] SS: Yelling.
[04:12] SP: oh okay let me just FUCK YOU FOREVER UNTIL THE WORLDEXPLOSJIDDEISJLERJLEKJRLEWJRL
[04:13] -- skullPunk [SP] eventually seems to tire himself out --
[04:13] -- skullPunk [SP] lies there panting --
[04:13] -- slenderSpider [SS] would honestly rather take ten Harpers over this. No -- fifty Harpers. So many Harpers. --
[04:13] SS: ... Good. Thank you.
[04:14] -- slenderSpider [SS] gets up. –
[04:14] -- skullPunk [SP] mumbles something with a mouth full of Inaria Dirt™. Just lies there. On his face. --
[04:14] SP: Whatever. I didn't even want to get up.
[04:16] -- slenderSpider [SS] has the psychotic urge to just. Lie right down there with him. Solidarity. It's been a rough few months okay. --
[04:16] -- slenderSpider [SS] doesn't actually do this. --
[04:16] SS: I'm... convinced you're...
[04:16] -- slenderSpider [SS] almost says "harmless" and doesn't do that either for fear of setting off another temper tantrum. --
[04:17] SS: I don't know if I should leave you here or not.
[04:17] SP: Whatever man do what you want I don't even care
[04:18] SP: I never wanted anything more than to be face first in a pile of dirt
[04:18] SP: And here I am
[04:18] SP: Living the dream
[04:18] SP: Life accomplished guess I can die happy now HAHAHA
[04:18] SP: HAha
[04:18] SP: Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.... ha...............
[04:18] -- skullPunk [SP] bursts into tears --
[04:19] -- slenderSpider [SS] actually looks terrified for a second. Oh my god no. Please stop crying. Oh my god why is this happening to me. --
[04:20] -- slenderSpider [SS] Way too long passes before he manages to do anything but gape at the kid awkwardly and maybe do the jackal equivalent of hover handing. --
[04:20] SS: I'm sorry I did that to your hair. That was... uncalled for.
[04:21] -- skullPunk [SP] HIC SOB, wolf shoulders heave --
[04:21] SP: Th-that hurt m-man my hair's all i got
[04:22] SS: Um.
[04:22] SS: Well.
[04:22] SS: I'm sorry.
[04:22] -- slenderSpider [SS] could not look more uncomfortable if his life depended on it. –
[04:26] -- skullPunk [SP] Sits up and shakes his head. Puts on a TOUGH DUDE face, one that belonged on a guy who NEVER CRIED, NOT ONCE EVER. Glowers at Kashmir. Through the tears that are still there. What conflicting descriptions!! --
[04:26] SP: Yeah well whatever not like I care what you think anyway
[04:30] -- slenderSpider [SS] thinks about what to do. Wonders when the last time he cried was. Had he ever? --
[04:30] SS: I'd... like to make it up to you.
[04:31] SS: You can come into my home for a while. If you want.
[04:31] SS: Maybe you'd like... some food?
[04:32] -- skullPunk [SP] Ears perk forward at "home", then even more at "food". A little bit of drool slides down the side of his mouth. --
[04:32] -- skullPunk [SP] SHAKES HIS HEAD!! Phew almost had a WEAKNESS there... unlike a REAL MAN who has NO EMOTIONS. --
[04:32] SP: I don't need your charity!! I'm perfectly fine, asshole!
[04:33] SP: In FACT!! I have a GREAT home just over THERE and it's FULL of FANTASTIC, EDIBLE FOOD.
[04:34] SS: Oh?
[04:34] SS: That's too bad.
[04:34] SS: I know a few wolves at home brought down an enormous buck an hour ago.
[04:35] SS: There will probably be leftovers. But I suppose we can eat it all by ourselves.
[04:35] -- slenderSpider [SS] kashmir you sly little shithead --
[04:35] -- skullPunk [SP] the drool trickle becomes a drool river which flows into a drool waterfall. --
[04:36] SP: B-buck?
[04:36] -- slenderSpider [SS] Gross, hairboy. –
[04:36] SS: Yes.
[04:36] SP: You can't kill those things they're HUGE and have death spikes on their heads.
[04:36] SP: You're full of shit.
[04:37] SS: Come and see.
[04:37] SS: If you don't believe me.
[04:37] -- skullPunk [SP] narrows his eyes --
[04:37] SP: Fine but I ain't staying.
[04:37] SS: We won't keep you.
[04:38] SP: Yeah... that's right........ you better not.........
[04:39] -- slenderSpider [SS] does him a favor and mostly just ignores that. --
[04:39] SS: ... Well. Follow me in.
[04:39] -- slenderSpider [SS] Off he goes! --
[04:39] -- skullPunk [SP] ://///////// --
[04:40] -- skullPunk [SP] ... follows........ not that he WANTS to or anything... but just like, he's bored, you know? –
[04:41] -- slenderSpider [SS] leads. Not that he has, you know. Compassion for sad homeless ingrates. Or anything. --
[04:41] SS: Kid...
[04:41] SS: What's your name?
[04:41] SS: Mine is Kashmir.
[04:43] -- skullPunk [SP] This isn't the first time he's ever been asked that, but it IS the first he feels compelled to actually... answer... seriously. This is his chance to really do some soul searching. Make an IMPRESSION. Find something that describes his CORE. --
[04:43] -- skullPunk [SP] Panics when he can't think of anything --
[04:43] -- skullPunk [SP] Almost blurts out "Kashmir" --
[04:43] SP: K-Kid. Name's Kid, haha!
[04:44] SS: Ah. That's a funny coincidence.
[04:44] SS: All right, Kid.
[04:44] SS: We're almost there.