"I thought of challenging for alphaship but Alana and the others might have been badly hurt if I had..."

Not to mention it would have been a horrible idea.  As the saying went: "two wrongs don't make a right", and Mercury did not think Ayliyra was ready to be a leader.  Not then, and not now, even after her time away from Nardir. It was a burden and a responsibility that many were all to eager to obtain, but not to bear.  The Dark Moon had carried the weight of Nardir for most of her life.  She had never had a life of her own. Mercury was raised as an accessory to her sister, a shield and sword to protect Alana's crown.  It was not ambition, nor righteousness that had made her a Queen.  It was the yolk of duty, ironclad around her neck, as real as the collar she now wore.  She didn't think Aylie, for all her justice and honor, really understood that weight.  Mercury voiced none of this, however, and simply let Ay speak.  Some packs would have called it treason, but Mercury did not think it was so.  Challenging the hierarchy was a bit extreme, but considering that her protegé had been voicing her opinion all along, Mercury understood why she could have come to such a drastic option as the solution.

"A challenge could have also been perceived as a threat, and could have justified harsher demand for your recompense."  Mercury said mildly, as though she were commenting on a mere board game rather than a real political situation.  They could have killed you for it.

"And I didn't want that and I considered trying to form a pack of my own after I met one of Nardir's founders, Rain..."

Mercury's Grandmother.  She had always thought of Rain to be strong, and had aspired to be like the silver-eyed queen.  Did she still live?  Mercury hesitated to ask, not wanting to know if another piece of her life was now forever beyond her reach.  She had already lost her parents, and her brother.  While there had never been any conformation of Alexander's death, she did not hold hope that he would return.  He was lost, and she knew firsthand how easy it was to never be found.  Had the opportunity not presented itself, she would never had gotten away from the humans.  She would have been a dog the rest of her life.

"I spent time in the unclaimed lands but I also went to packs and used the healing knowledge I'd picked up to pose as a wandering healer willing to trade my skills for a place to rest a few days and to learn from any healers of their own so I could gain access and see if you were there or if any of the others who had gone missing were there."

It was a sound strategy, and Mercury felt it was a good fit for Aylie's skills.  Mercury had always thought it was odd that she had been the youngster's mentor when Ayliyra clearly had a healer's heart.  She had obviously survived, and for that Mercury was grateful.  But it also made her wonder if, like herself, Aylie was a bit stuck in the past.  With Mercury gone, and Nardir having turned its back on her, Ay could have easily have moved on; joined another pack and had a different life.  Was her search for Mercury what denied her that path?  It saddened the Dark Moon, thinking once again how she had brought hardship to her pack.

"Did you have any success?"  She asked, but she didn't think she was going to like the answer.